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what makes a man. What makes a godly man. - 9/19/2008 11:24:44 PM
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story010707
Posts: 3
Joined: 9/19/2008
Status: offline
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i posted about my marriage inthe marriage section, so i will not get into much here, but there is a (surprisingly long) condensed version of my marriage experience there to read if you feel so inclined.
My wife has been verbally and physically abusive to me for most of our marriage. Now that my baby girl is in the middle of it I have contemplated divorce. I have friends, both male and female, that tell me that I a weak man for staying with her and not retaliating in a physical way. I know that they do not and i pray will never understand what hell i have been through in the last three years, but it does get to me. I never hit her, rarely spoke to her in a way that I would be ashamed of, and stayed by her side through a pregnancy( on top of the beatings and constant verbal abuse ). I feel that I have taken more than most men would allow themselves to go through simply because they gave their word. I feel that I am very much deserving of a better life and love than I have been given. What would you do in this situation? How does a Godly man handle this?
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RE: what makes a man. What makes a godly man. - 9/20/2008 9:03:14 AM
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shoe
Posts: 49
Joined: 11/3/2005
Status: offline
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Standing up to an abusive person doesn't always have to mean a physical retaliation. If somesort of counseling has failed then I would say walk. Unfortunately there is a child involved now, in my opinion it is best not to stay together "for the childs sake". My fear is that if your wife is abusive to you, what is to happen when your daughter gets older? This is not a good situation for either of you. Get some counseling, bring in some outside help, pray, then make a choice and go with it, wholeheartedly.
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RE: what makes a man. What makes a godly man. - 9/23/2008 1:08:34 PM
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evryknee
Posts: 288
Joined: 3/9/2008
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I'm sorry to hear about your circumstances. I would say to act in love towards your wife.
Loving your wife, I believe, is pointing out sin, demanding for her to change her abusive behaviors, and listing what she needs to do to save the marriage. In this way, you are acting in her best interests (as well as your own and your daughter's).
1) She needs to go to individual counseling;
2) You need to go to marriage counseling;
3) She will never hit you again & if she does, she agrees to leave the house for 1 week without your daughter and may come back only at the counselor's discretion.
4) If she does it again, you will be separated for a longer period of time. Perhaps even getting rid of #3 and keeping #4.
5) You also need to get counseling as an abused husband.
Just some thoughts...
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RE: what makes a man. What makes a godly man. - 9/23/2008 2:47:23 PM
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ChoirDJ
Posts: 473
Joined: 6/15/2006
From: So Cal
Status: offline
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Unfortunately, physical violence in previous relationships had always been the norm for my ex so she began to get physically violent towards me during disagreements. I have used enough force to restrain her until she calmed down but I made it very clear early on that I was not a violent person and would not stay in a relationship with someone who is. I threatened to leave her if she couldn't respect me enough to not lay a hand on me and she got the message.
_____________________________
"Sin will take you further than you intended to go, keep you there longer than you intended to stay, and cost you more than you intended to spend." Got it?
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RE: what makes a man. What makes a godly man. - 9/23/2008 7:25:57 PM
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Ps103
Posts: 11693
Joined: 4/16/2005
From: Here, now
Status: offline
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Please discuss this HERE
Please do not start more than one thread about the same situation.
Thanks!
_____________________________
Fasten your seatbelts...it's going to be a bumpy night.
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