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Private Schoool vs. Christian School - 10/9/2008 8:52:12 AM
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mary0965
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This post was deleted, by the op, due to opening two threads on the same subject. Howevger, the other thread has been closed, so I am moving the OP over here:
quote:
ORIGINAL: mary0965
I have been on different blogs but we have a problem at home - my daughter attends public school - she is in the high school and is a freshmen - active in different activities, sports, etc. She has myspace and we have told her not to abuse it, etc. and we limit her time she is on - we, as parents just found out she is talking to boys lot, has had them, sneaks to events at school to see them (we have told her no dating til she is 16) My husband and I are both Christians - my husband wants to pull her out of public school and put her into a christian school. I worry about the damages to her (as it relates to her and finding herself and already she is becoming her own person) I know that it all states we should have them in christian schools but I also know they have their problems too and I feel that she needs to make her own choices and we are there to guide and direct and keep her on the straight and narrow path - any one out there had any similar situations??
< Message edited by cynthia -- 10/11/2008 9:31:51 PM >
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RE: Private Schoool vs. Christian School - 10/9/2008 9:27:12 AM
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kernsfamily
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I just got an e-mail JUST THIS MORNING...from my wife's cousin....
Her nephew and neices attend a "christian school"....
ALL of them are on "FaceBook" (my wife's cousin and the nephew and neices)
There's this thing called "THE WALL" on "Facebook", and you can clearly see conversation between all of your "friends" and others.....
IN it, the kids are always "communicating" with their friends from school.....and, the language used amongst them is CERTAINLY against TOS here on Crosswalk...and filthier than I have ever heard in even a public school....(she cut and pasted blocks of the text...then e-mailed them to me just this morning)....
And, yet, they all go to a "Christian School"....
BTW....there is NOTHING that "states" that our children "SHOULD' be in Christian schools....
anyway...that is MY 'Similar' situation....since you are had a particular issue with a "social networking" site....
_____________________________
Proud dad of 3 great girls....Erin, Emilie and Elise
Blessed to have all of them in a "totally awesome" public elementary school!
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RE: Private Schoool vs. Christian School - 10/9/2008 10:03:46 AM
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manda59
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quote:
ORIGINAL: mary0965
- my daughter attends public school - she is in the high school and is a freshmen - active in different activities, sports, etc. She has myspace and we have told her not to abuse it, etc. and we limit her time she is on
I'd suggest you move the computer to a "communal" area in the house, and make sure and be around whenever she is online. Do you also have the password to her email and Myspace - so that you can check on her every so often? My dd is 15, has had Bebo since she was 14 and Facebook since she was 15. I agreed for her to have these on the condition that I had the passwords; she readily agreed and is happy to be open about all this.
I personally can't see how changing her to a private school will necessarily make any difference whatsoever. But setting firmer boundaries on her current activities well might.
_____________________________
"Once again....drum roll please! Manda is right"
doinkdom, October 2008
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RE: Private Schoool vs. Christian School - 10/9/2008 10:53:41 AM
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macokjc
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I am a big proponent of Christian schools, and I don't think that they will harm your daughter at all. However, they will not fix this problem. You are the only one who can fix this, and that is my cracking down on the controls. I am amazed at what I see on facebook from the teens in our church - some in public, some in Christian, whose parents have no clue what is going on. I know that you want to be friends and let her make her own choices - but she is quite young for that and needs you to be a parent.
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RE: Private Schoool vs. Christian School - 10/9/2008 11:06:52 AM
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emjayzee
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I went to a Catholic elementary and high school, and the influences were no different than what my friends encountered in public school. Changing schools won't solve your problem. She is a freshman in high school- it's like a whole new world to her. There are different classes, different people, more options, more freedom, and more responsibility. You need to let her know that if she is not going to own up to the responsibility part, then she doesn't get the freedom part. (And sneaking out is not responsibility.)
_____________________________
unicorns borrowed from Matthew Webber, copyright 2002
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RE: Private Schoool vs. Christian School - 10/9/2008 12:02:49 PM
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Calea37
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I actually think Christian school is worse than public school because of the danger of expecting something you won't necessarily get from the students. At least if they are in public school you can use the "excuse" that they don't know the Lord; but these "Christian" students...what can you say?
So far, it has been my experience that events that are "Christian" are worse than secular ones! Very sad. It's almost as though these kids are trying to prove something.
I agree with the suggestions of moving the computer and maybe getting rid of the MySpace if you feel she is doing something objectionable.
_____________________________
Calea
Isaiah 2:22 Stop regarding man, whose breath life is in his nostrils; for why should he be esteemed?
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RE: Private Schoool vs. Christian School - 10/9/2008 12:16:13 PM
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manda59
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Here is the OP, cut and pasted from the closed thread:
quote:
I have been on different blogs but we have a problem at home - my daughter attends public school - she is in the high school and is a freshmen - active in different activities, sports, etc. She has myspace and we have told her not to abuse it, etc. and we limit her time she is on - we, as parents just found out she is talking to boys lot, has had them, sneaks to events at school to see them (we have told her no dating til she is 16) My husband and I are both Christians - my husband wants to pull her out of public school and put her into a christian school. I worry about the damages to her (as it relates to her and finding herself and already she is becoming her own person) I know that it all states we should have them in christian schools but I also know they have their problems too and I feel that she needs to make her own choices and we are there to guide and direct and keep her on the straight and narrow path - any one out there had any similar situations??
_____________________________
"Once again....drum roll please! Manda is right"
doinkdom, October 2008
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RE: Private Schoool vs. Christian School - 10/9/2008 12:59:11 PM
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garsyt
Posts: 2230
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I posted the following in the other thread:
quote:
What's wrong with her interacting with boys? I really don't understand the whole idea that girls are not suppose to have friends that are boys and boys aren't suppose to have friends that are girls.
One of my eldest son's (a freshman in high school) dearest friends is a girl that he has known since he was 5 years old. He had another friend also a girl that he had known since he was just 4 years old - when she died this past year - he was devastated! Even now in high school he has several friends that are girls and several friends that are boys. One of my 5th grade daughter's good friends is a boy. They are just friends and they know that they can count on each other to stick up for each other as they approach middle school.
Yes you are going to have to teach your daughter how to conduct and protect herself, but give the boys a chance - not all boys are predators.
I would suggest talking to your daughter. For my daughter I want her to know that there are behaviors that I expect from her and ANY friend, boy or girl that she hangs out with. The same goes for my son.
Now the sneaking out has to be addressed as that is deceitful and obviously breaking a house rule.
As for having the boyfriend/girlfriend thing going on. Spend any amount of time in even an elementary school or middle school lunchroom in ANY school -public, Christian or private and you are going to hear talk about who has a boyfriend or a girlfriend and it's usually nothing more then just that, talk.
Again - I, personally, don't see anything wrong with girls having friends that are boys or boys having friends that are girls.
Blessings,
Garsy
_____________________________
My Blog: www.moredayslikethisplease.wordpress.com
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RE: Private Schoool vs. Christian School - 10/10/2008 7:48:52 AM
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mary0965
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This is what I am trying to get my husband to see that no matter where she goes there is going to be problems unless we fix them but last night I had a revelation - about a year and ahalf ago - me and my husband were having a very difficult time and when we look back on her Myspace entries - this is the time that everything started- I think she was reaching out to others because we were not there for her - we were too focused on each other. I told my husband this and said that I don't want to punish her when it was our mistake in the first place. We obviously weren't there for her. That goodness we had God in our lives a year and a half ago!
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RE: Private Schoool vs. Christian School - 10/10/2008 9:05:10 AM
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manda59
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Mary
How old is your daughter?
_____________________________
"Once again....drum roll please! Manda is right"
doinkdom, October 2008
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RE: Private Schoool vs. Christian School - 10/10/2008 9:17:37 AM
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zoebob
Posts: 8773
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Christian school won't necessarily be a problem as far as bad influences go. I went to one from K-12 and came out pretty innocent as far as what I knew...When I started working at a rest stop on the Turnpike after my Jr year it was definately a bit of a culture shock.
HOwever, Christian school won't necessarily solve the problems either. It require active involved parenting and staying involved and knowing her friends.
Manda: she would be about 14 and in 9th grade.
_____________________________
L-R: DD1, Ellies DS2, DD2, Ellies DS1
L-R: Ellies DD1, Ellies DD2, DS, Ellies DS3
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RE: Private Schoool vs. Christian School - 10/10/2008 9:32:10 AM
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manda59
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quote:
ORIGINAL: zoebob
Manda: she would be about 14 and in 9th grade.
So she's had MySpace since she was about 12?? Yikes. That's against their TOS as well.
Thanks.
_____________________________
"Once again....drum roll please! Manda is right"
doinkdom, October 2008
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RE: Private Schoool vs. Christian School - 10/10/2008 9:33:16 AM
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zoebob
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She could be 15. I'm not sure what the rules are for MySpace
_____________________________
L-R: DD1, Ellies DS2, DD2, Ellies DS1
L-R: Ellies DD1, Ellies DD2, DS, Ellies DS3
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RE: Private Schoool vs. Christian School - 10/10/2008 9:52:22 AM
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stellaluna
Posts: 4206
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The Myspace rules state that you can't be younger than 13.
But still...
quote:
This is what I am trying to get my husband to see that no matter where she goes there is going to be problems unless we fix them but last night I had a revelation - about a year and ahalf ago - me and my husband were having a very difficult time and when we look back on her Myspace entries - this is the time that everything started- I think she was reaching out to others because we were not there for her - we were too focused on each other. I told my husband this and said that I don't want to punish her when it was our mistake in the first place. We obviously weren't there for her. That goodness we had God in our lives a year and a half ago!
It sounds like you don't want to discipline your daughter. Regardless of what was going on in your family, that doesn't let your daughter off the hook for what she did wrong and the rules she has broken. The school she's going to is irrelevant. It sounds like your husband thinks the easy way out will be to send her to Christian school; and you don't want to discipline or teach your daughter any responsibility. If that's the case you're still not being there for her.
_____________________________
Who should be allowed to attend church?
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RE: Private Schoool vs. Christian School - 10/11/2008 9:23:12 PM
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NotDoneYet
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I was educated from first grade to 12th grade in "good" Catholic schools....
The difference between the Catholic school and the local public school? More money.
New cars in the parking lot when someone turned 16...and the kids had more "discretionary income" to buy things they shouldn't...
In the Catholic school, I witnessed the girls doing drugs in the bathroom (specifically snorting cocaine).
I had one of my children in a Christian school...it lasted less than one year...the reason why?
A serious double standard. The kids who's parents kicked in big bucks to the endowment fund got away with murder...the kids who's parents were barely making tuition faced serious disciplinary action for every infraction, real or imagined.
I think my girls will stay in public schools...
NDY
_____________________________
Remember, normal is just a setting on the dryer!
Ranting and raving: diaryofaravingmom.blogspot.com
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RE: Private Schoool vs. Christian School - 10/12/2008 4:22:41 PM
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SweetPea213
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quote:
ORIGINAL: NotDoneYet
I was educated from first grade to 12th grade in "good" Catholic schools....
The difference between the Catholic school and the local public school? More money.
New cars in the parking lot when someone turned 16...and the kids had more "discretionary income" to buy things they shouldn't...
In the Catholic school, I witnessed the girls doing drugs in the bathroom (specifically snorting cocaine).
I had one of my children in a Christian school...it lasted less than one year...the reason why?
A serious double standard. The kids who's parents kicked in big bucks to the endowment fund got away with murder...the kids who's parents were barely making tuition faced serious disciplinary action for every infraction, real or imagined.
I think my girls will stay in public schools...
NDY
There are probably some good Christian schools, but these are more likely the exception as opposed to the rule. I went to a Pre-K--12 Christian school for high school (grades 9-12). The school also had a daycare. The school I went to was a ministry of the Baptist church that established it. While it was on the lower end of the tuition spectrum, my parents still made sacrifices for me to go there and looking back upon it now, I probably would have rather gone to another school.
I never saw student doing drugs at school, I heard of them doing it outside of school. Girls drinking and talking about having sex at school. There were students with borderline pornographic Myspaces (provacitive photos, having sex with her bf), expulsion over a photo of Hitler on a Myspace page (as the result of a quiz "What world leader are you?"). Some students abused alcohol and drugs. There were students who dated teachers, and even a student who got engaged to the math teacher shortly after their high school graduation (but they weren't dating while the student was still in school!) 
The administration through my first three years (grades 9-11) wasn't too bad. The principal and administrators my senior year were awful! From a distance they appeared to walk the walk and talk the talk, but once you got closer you could see they didn't practice what they preached. The principal was a lady and everything had to be done her way, everything had to be exactly as she said--anything other than that was Satan!
The teachers at this school were basically nothing more than glorified babysitters. The high school was more like a glorified daycare for teenagers. I remeber countless class periods in which we watched TV (the math teacher let my Algebra 2 class watch an overweight toddler show of the Maury Povich show!), we watched Shark Tale, Spiderman 1 and 2, It, Finding Nemo, Shrek 1 and 2, state's collegate basketball team, NCAA basketball tournaments. I also remeber countless days in which we sat around and did nothing but talk, or have a "party" (we just ate and drank snacks while watching a movie) simply because the teacher didn't feel like doing a lesson that day! There's nothing wrong with a class watching a movie or tv show, or having a party every now and then--everyone likes an easy day or day off at some point--but it shouldn't be because the teachers don't feel like teaching a lesson that day. But when they did teach, they were good at it.
Some teachers and coaches played favorites, and made no attempts to hide it. Drama teacher was also the cheerleading coach and pastor's wife. No shocker here, but her cheerleaders got the main roles in plays and skits, and rarely, if ever did her cheerleaders get in trouble when they were being disobient in class. The same also went for the kids who went to that church who sponsered the school and the church's youth group. Anyone else, good luck! My senior year, a guy who was basically the Johnny Depp of the school's arts program came back to teach drama the year after he graduated. So I had a teacher who just literally graduated from that very same high school himself 2.5-3 months earlier and he was only 5 months older than me!! The students that year went from calling him Johnny to Mr. Depp! 
There was just drama everywhere!!!! There were double standards for those kids whose Mommy and Daddy's shelled out the big bucks to the school, or whose Mommy and/or Daddy worked at the school or volunteered time to every little project, or to the kids who attended the church's youth group. Unfortunatelty I could go on and on.
So before you think putting your daughter into a Christian school, think long and hard about it. Better yet, PRAY long and hard about it!! Do your homework on perspective Christian schools, do your own research or P.I. work about them before sending your daughter to one. Please do not be fooled by "Christian" being in the title. From my own experinces, and those of the other posters on this thread, I can tell you first hand that Christian school kids can be no different, sometimes worse than public school kids.
What type of people does she hang out with? Friends and peers can have a huge influence over kids, especially in the teenage years. If she's hanging out with a bad seed or two, please pull her away from that (I've been there too. She may not like you for it at the time, but she will be grateful. It's hard to pull away from that when you are deeply ingrained into that type of relationship). A person is known by the company they keep.
A flower can't blossom until a root takes hold of the ground. Same thing applies to your daughter. There's a reason she has been acting out, but you're not going to be able to fix it or help her until you get to the root of the problem. As long as the root of the problem is there, it will not make a lick of difference if you keep her in a public school or put her in a Christian school. To get rid of the weeds, you need to pull them out of the ground. To help your daughter's behavior, you need to yank that root out of the ground.
From your posts, it sounds like you've both been rather inconsistent in the discipline department. Kids thrive on consistency and stability! Talk with your husband and estabish some reasonable ground rules and some reasonable consequences for when they are broken. Once you have both agreed upon those rules and consequences, talk about them to your daughter. Enforce the rules. Enforce the consequences when the rules are broken. Every single time. Stick to your guns. It may seem childish (to you and your husband or to your daughter) but if your teenage daughter wants to act like a child, then she should be treated like one.
If you can afford it, take your daughter to a psychologist. She's under 18, so you can make her go--use that to your advantage while you still can. She may not spill her guts at the first few meetings, but once she has developed a sense of trust in the psychologist, she will start to open up. She may be more willing to open up about her life and what's bothering her to a neutral party. You and your husband may want to join her in therapy, like family therapy. This can help you get to the root of her problems.
_____________________________
"He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed." ~ 1 Peter 2:24
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RE: Private Schoool vs. Christian School - 10/12/2008 4:32:01 PM
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macokjc
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Wow - what disheartening stories. I am now a SAHM, but I sacrificied a lot to be a teacher in a Christian school, and my two sisters now are in the same position. I can guarentee you that they don't watch movies in class.
Here's the thing - a private school and a public school will only be as good as the parents. (Teacher's aside) Many parents shell out tuition to put their kids in private school, and then wash their hands of them morally and educationally. You can't expect to no be vigilant, even though your child is in a private school. My reasons for not allowing my kids to be in a public school do not have anything to do with the "sinful" influences - those are found everywhere.
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RE: Private Schoool vs. Christian School - 10/12/2008 5:06:58 PM
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SweetPea213
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quote:
ORIGINAL: macokjc
Wow - what disheartening stories. I am now a SAHM, but I sacrificied a lot to be a teacher in a Christian school, and my two sisters now are in the same position. I can guarentee you that they don't watch movies in class.
Here's the thing - a private school and a public school will only be as good as the parents. (Teacher's aside) Many parents shell out tuition to put their kids in private school, and then wash their hands of them morally and educationally. You can't expect to no be vigilant, even though your child is in a private school. My reasons for not allowing my kids to be in a public school do not have anything to do with the "sinful" influences - those are found everywhere.
I'm not saying all Christian schools are like that, but the one I attended was. I was just telling the OP my personal experince as a student at a Christian school. The OP and her husband shouldn't enroll their daughter in a Christian school and expect all the problems to be solved.
I agree that a child's schooling is as good as the parenting they get at home. School is not a replacement for consistent and good parenting. It's a shame that society seems to have such that mentality of 'I don't have to do anything with my kid(s) because [Sunday school/church/school/television/whatever] will teach my kid(s) everything they need to know'.
_____________________________
"He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed." ~ 1 Peter 2:24
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RE: Private Schoool vs. Christian School - 10/12/2008 5:17:37 PM
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nicole6598
Posts: 4107
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From: Australia
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quote:
ORIGINAL: macokjc
Wow - what disheartening stories. I am now a SAHM, but I sacrificied a lot to be a teacher in a Christian school, and my two sisters now are in the same position. I can guarentee you that they don't watch movies in class.
Here's the thing - a private school and a public school will only be as good as the parents. (Teacher's aside) Many parents shell out tuition to put their kids in private school, and then wash their hands of them morally and educationally. You can't expect to no be vigilant, even though your child is in a private school. My reasons for not allowing my kids to be in a public school do not have anything to do with the "sinful" influences - those are found everywhere.
I totally agree!! I don't know what "Christian" schools you have all been to, but the ones I know of are highly regarded and teach children to live as a Christian, teach them the fruits of the Spirit, they are not only concerned about the education but about their spiritual walk also...
I know that for myself, teaching in a Christian school is the ONLY place I will ever want to teach again. I don't want to be teaching something (things) that I don't agree with, that are strong convictions of my faith.
_____________________________
Proud Aussie, Wife, Mother, Woman!
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RE: Private Schoool vs. Christian School - 10/12/2008 5:24:26 PM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 10258
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From: Cow country, Upstate NY
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: nicole6598
quote:
ORIGINAL: macokjc
Wow - what disheartening stories. I am now a SAHM, but I sacrificied a lot to be a teacher in a Christian school, and my two sisters now are in the same position. I can guarentee you that they don't watch movies in class.
Here's the thing - a private school and a public school will only be as good as the parents. (Teacher's aside) Many parents shell out tuition to put their kids in private school, and then wash their hands of them morally and educationally. You can't expect to no be vigilant, even though your child is in a private school. My reasons for not allowing my kids to be in a public school do not have anything to do with the "sinful" influences - those are found everywhere.
I totally agree!! I don't know what "Christian" schools you have all been to, but the ones I know of are highly regarded and teach children to live as a Christian, teach them the fruits of the Spirit, they are not only concerned about the education but about their spiritual walk also...
I know that for myself, teaching in a Christian school is the ONLY place I will ever want to teach again. I don't want to be teaching something (things) that I don't agree with, that are strong convictions of my faith.
My son goes to a Christian school that I also attended in high school. I know without doubt he is getting great, Scriptural teaching in all areas.
Are there students there who are trouble? Sure, there are some who were heading down the wrong path in public school and so their parents put them there. But nonsense and sin are not tolerated in this school. Kids will be kids...but they don't have to be allowed to walk over rules, especially God's "rules". A lot has to do with not whether or not the kids ever do things wrong, but how it is handled when they do.
_____________________________
He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
~Psalm 91:4~
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RE: Private Schoool vs. Christian School - 10/12/2008 7:10:31 PM
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nicole6598
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From: Australia
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Sounds like a good school to me Donna!! That's the same with mine, there are quite a few non-Christian kids, and sure they bring something to the mix, but so do the "Christian" kids. It all comes down to the parenting AND the school. Too many people are quick to bag out a school and not look at what they are doing or not doing at home...
_____________________________
Proud Aussie, Wife, Mother, Woman!
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RE: Private Schoool vs. Christian School - 10/12/2008 10:48:16 PM
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zoebob
Posts: 8773
Joined: 4/13/2005
From: land of limbo
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Sweatpea you did say that you think good Christian schools are the exception rather than the rule. Maybe in certain areas...
I went to a good Christian school K-12. We were in Christian school leagues with other CS's. Most of those were good schools. I live a few hrs away from there now and am working at a good CS. THey interact with other good CS's around here.
_____________________________
L-R: DD1, Ellies DS2, DD2, Ellies DS1
L-R: Ellies DD1, Ellies DD2, DS, Ellies DS3
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RE: Private Schoool vs. Christian School - 10/13/2008 9:54:47 AM
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mary0965
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We haven't disciplined her yet only because we are praying about what to do, seeking Christian counsel friends, etc. In doing so, I have found out that there is a reason she is acting the way she is - me and my husband had some "problems" a year and a half ago - well 4 - 6 weeks after the fact alot of these things started and now have increased over time. Not saying she is not to blame at all but we were not there fully as parents for her - that is why we feel this situation is delicate that we are praying and seeking guidance before we have a one on one sit down heart to heart talk with her. She may or may not open up - I think my husband maybe over the fact about pulling her from school but I guarantee - we have already discussed, she will be on a tight leash and friends monitored more closely and no more myspace. I have talked to so many people that it is just not a good thing - and why have it? We never had this in our years - life is not about a social circle and this is not how I want my daughter to think, act, and display herself. We plan to talk to her a night this week.
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