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RE: Older Parents Chat - 10/9/2008 12:49:04 PM
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ladyingrace1979
Posts: 365
Joined: 3/14/2008
From: Fresno CA
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Going back to the question about life and death decisions being made by a spouse vs parent/in-law, I love my mother and I love my in-laws but when I married we became one in the eyes of God. I don't want the law interfering in that type of thing.
As a mother, I truly empathize with the feelings that must go with this type of situation, but do we want a legal precedent set for parents and in-laws to interfere in marriages?
This is why it is so vital to have a living will or something similar. Make your wishes known in both formal and informal ways. Save your family from being ripped apart by this kind of decision.
Kim Q
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RE: Older Parents Chat - 10/9/2008 1:26:38 PM
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doinkdom
Posts: 4288
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: The higher lowcountry
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Memaw.
Another thread brought up a couple of questions.
In the event your married child needed life saving surgery and your D/SIL chose not to permit it, and your child was not able to communicate to you their wishes, what (if anything) would you do?
Do we as the parents of married children (or legal adults for that matter) have any rights once the child either is of legal age or marries?
Yes, but you need a seriously kick*** attorney, which is why a living will is critical today.
Cause if it's due to religious beliefs on the part of the D/SIL and your child does NOT adhere to them...then you need to move fast and a living will would cover it.
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RE: Older Parents Chat - 10/9/2008 3:39:51 PM
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shadowspring
Posts: 1615
Joined: 5/27/2006
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quote:
This is why it is so vital to have a living will or something similar. Make your wishes known in both formal and informal ways. Save your family from being ripped apart by this kind of decision.
quote:
Yes, but you need a seriously kick*** attorney, which is why a living will is critical today.
I so agree about a living will! In fact, I named my best friend as the one to make decisions for me, so my husband and children would not have that added pressure.
But then it's all spelled out so clearly in the living will, that I know she won't have any trouble ascertaining my wishes.
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"Blessed is the man...whose delight is in the law of the Lord, and in His law meditates day and night. He will be like a tree planted by rivers of water..." from Psalm 1
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RE: Older Parents Chat - 10/9/2008 4:29:47 PM
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Mrs.Wifey
Posts: 5088
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: The Gorgeous plains of Colorado
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quote:
I couldn't imagine raising a child for all those years, child marries, and within the first year something horrendous happens and their spouse now "knows" your child better than you do?
I don't know. I've discussed such things explicitly with my husband, but never my mother. However, DH and I see differently on things where I know my mother and I would agree. She would be the one I would prefer to have make a certain decisions whereas I would prefer DH for other situations if we did not have living wills(which we do).
Such morbid thoughts as we plan for our own demise.
I have a question along the same lines... We are re-writing our wills due to some family circumstances and DH's parents can no longer be guardians of DD and any other future children. Right now we have chosen people based on who we feel would be responsive to her needs and who share our own convictions about early childhood parenting. What do you base your decision on as your kids get older?
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RE: Older Parents Chat - 10/9/2008 4:37:38 PM
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stampinlady
Posts: 1523
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Northern IL
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We haven't done a will yet. I'd probaby have my sister raise our kids if something happened to us, but ... .
Anyone dealing with dating issues yet? We told dd that she can't date till she's 16. I'm not a big fan of the whole dating thing, but I know it's part of life. ON dd's 4th day of school this boy asked her to homecoming and apparently they are "going out." BUT they don't go anywhere. He came over one day to pick up a book and they see each other at school and the club they're in, but that's about all. This is all very new to dd, dh and I and I think I need to read a book or something. He seems very sweet and even opens the car door for her. We've agreed to let her go to homecoming with him, but .... I want my 5 yr. old back now!!!!
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Deb
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RE: Older Parents Chat - 10/9/2008 4:52:29 PM
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doinkdom
Posts: 4288
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: The higher lowcountry
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Mrs.Wifey
I have a question along the same lines... We are re-writing our wills due to some family circumstances and DH's parents can no longer be guardians of DD and any other future children. Right now we have chosen people based on who we feel would be responsive to her needs and who share our own convictions about early childhood parenting. What do you base your decision on as your kids get older?
I always kept a family member as guardian. At the time, I felt it was important for them not to be separated from their family. We have a good size family, so it was not hard.
Today...hmmm, I'd probably do the same.
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RE: Older Parents Chat - 10/9/2008 4:54:02 PM
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doinkdom
Posts: 4288
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From: The higher lowcountry
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quote:
ORIGINAL: stampinlady
... but .... I want my 5 yr. old back now!!!!
just  wave bye-bye to that 
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RE: Older Parents Chat - 10/10/2008 11:05:07 AM
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shadowspring
Posts: 1615
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quote:
ORIGINAL: stampinlady
We haven't done a will yet. I'd probaby have my sister raise our kids if something happened to us, but ... .
Anyone dealing with dating issues yet? We told dd that she can't date till she's 16. I'm not a big fan of the whole dating thing, but I know it's part of life. ON dd's 4th day of school this boy asked her to homecoming and apparently they are "going out." BUT they don't go anywhere. He came over one day to pick up a book and they see each other at school and the club they're in, but that's about all. This is all very new to dd, dh and I and I think I need to read a book or something. He seems very sweet and even opens the car door for her. We've agreed to let her go to homecoming with him, but .... I want my 5 yr. old back now!!!!
Our house rules were never be alone with your date.
So our dd invited her boyfriend over, we let her go to his house IF parents/supervising adults were there. In both places, they had to stay in public areas. We let them go on walks alone on occasion, in the daylight, on a pre-approved route, and if they are not back in a reasonable amount of time we will come looking.
(I'm sure determined young romantics will find time to steal a kiss even with our strict rules; bur opportunities to go further are pretty much eliminated if you are never allowed to be alone.)
It's not at the prom that could trip a teen up, it's after the prom. My advice: make sure they go directly home afterward, out with a group of pre-approved friends to a specific place and then directly home (out for pizza, for example) or to another well-chaperoned pre-approved place.
Watch them like a hawk! All the while offering them fresh-baked brownies, of course.  Trust but verify.
_____________________________
"Blessed is the man...whose delight is in the law of the Lord, and in His law meditates day and night. He will be like a tree planted by rivers of water..." from Psalm 1
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RE: Older Parents Chat - 10/10/2008 11:12:27 AM
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stampinlady
Posts: 1523
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From: Northern IL
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quote:
Our house rules were never be alone with your date.
Yes, I need to emphasize this with her. We've had our talks and continue them, she knows what's right, but .... .
Memaw, how's your dd doing? Dd told me awhile back that there was a freshy that was pregant and I guess she had her baby the other day. A group of girls that dd was with said this was her 3rd pregnancy, the others were aborted. She can't be more that 14. How sad.
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Deb
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RE: Older Parents Chat - 10/10/2008 11:26:31 AM
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doinkdom
Posts: 4288
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: The higher lowcountry
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quote:
ORIGINAL: shadowspring
Watch them like a hawk! All the while offering them fresh-baked brownies, of course. Trust but verify.
Yep We also made a habit of cleaning our shotgun and sharpening knives at the same time...  j/k
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RE: Older Parents Chat - 10/10/2008 11:41:32 AM
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Memaw.
Posts: 2357
Joined: 1/29/2007
From: Sunflower State
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quote:
Memaw, how's your dd doing?
The one I had the thread on?
I'm not real sure how she is doing.
One of her friends is pregnant and I think the pregnancy is causing her some emotional turmoil.
DD has a cat, which totally surprises me that she has had it this long, usually she gets tired of a pet and "farms" it out to someone, but she got this one real soon afterward and really babies it.
I worry about her, a lot.
Our youngest (16) has just started dating, within our boundaries of course.
No going anywhere by themselves, he can not come over here without Rick or I being here, she can't go over his house without one of his parents being there (it helps that we know his parents very well ) and they are limited to two evenings a week to "hang out".
She hates us.
She is not real fond of her elder siblings either because had they not "slipped under the radar" we wouldn't be so hawk like with her.
Oh the woes of being the baby.
_____________________________
"Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction.
Every generation has to learn how to protect and defend it, or it's gone
and gone for a long, long time."
Ronald Reagan
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RE: Older Parents Chat - 10/10/2008 11:42:36 AM
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Memaw.
Posts: 2357
Joined: 1/29/2007
From: Sunflower State
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Hi Flowerz!
Good to see you here!
_____________________________
"Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction.
Every generation has to learn how to protect and defend it, or it's gone
and gone for a long, long time."
Ronald Reagan
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RE: Older Parents Chat - 10/10/2008 11:52:29 AM
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iampiper13
Posts: 67
Joined: 5/31/2008
From: Maryland
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Shadowspring: that pretty much sounds like our household with my 13 yo dd, shes pretty much the only reason I question Gods wisdom on, shes a looker, (why God why did you do this to me lol) my wife does most of the talking to the boys that come by and I just GLARE at them.
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God Bless
Steve
Psalms 138:3 CEV When I asked for your help, you answered my prayer and gave me courage.
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RE: Older Parents Chat - 10/10/2008 4:15:37 PM
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2shaye
Posts: 5416
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: So. Cal.
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quote:
ORIGINAL: shadowspring
Trust but verify.
Very wise words!
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aka Skipperjoe
I Love New York!
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RE: Older Parents Chat - 10/10/2008 11:42:29 PM
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Memaw.
Posts: 2357
Joined: 1/29/2007
From: Sunflower State
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I'm a bit confused.
There were a couple of posts here that are not here now....??
_____________________________
"Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction.
Every generation has to learn how to protect and defend it, or it's gone
and gone for a long, long time."
Ronald Reagan
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RE: Older Parents Chat - 10/11/2008 1:19:15 PM
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donnai
Posts: 7
Joined: 10/8/2008
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I love this thread!! I have two daughters 14 and 19 . I feel the same way, flowerz and stampin lady . I enjoy my girls so much and always looked forward to watching them grow and change. I am beginning to see the end of the times when my house was filled with chattering girls, their spirit is so uplifting. I miss my college daughter so much ,but I know this is the natural progression to adulthood. I also have a 14 year old daughter who just went to a highschool homecoming dance too. It was the "best day ever" according to her. I just try to slow her down a bit when it comes to outings that include boys. I tell her that the day will come when she can do certain things but for now I only let her go to organized events , and def no alone time at either house yet. (her father once made her sit between her sister and her sisters boyfriend at our home while watching tv together, They were 17 years old at the time. Ha Ha I know its even harder for dads!!(doinkdom and iampiper13)
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RE: Older Parents Chat - 10/11/2008 11:04:42 PM
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42servehymn
Posts: 390
Joined: 4/16/2005
From: Littleton, Colorado
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I wanted to give my experience with the dating thing. Both of my sons have been dating their girlfriends for 5 years. That means that DS1 was 15 when they started dating and DS2 was 14. They hung out at our house or their girlfriends house and went to school or church events and an occasional movie. My biggest concern was honestly that their girlfriends parents liked my sons so well and trusted them so much that they might let their guard down. I did make phone calls to discuss house rules both at our house and at GF's houses. I know people will strongly disagree with what we decided but they can do things differently in their homes. DS1 and his girlfriend are going to the same college now and are engaged. Both DS1 and future DIL are responsible people. I will even go so far as to say that both sons have made wiser decisions with the gf's input than they may have on their own. Both GF's parents have had a positive influence in my son's lives. I don't have any regrets about the decisions we made regarding dating. I also wanted to throw in a brag that DS1 just got accepted to the Math in Moscow program. This means he will spend his last semester of undergraduate in Moscow. He will leave sometime after the first of the year. We couldn't be prouder!
_____________________________
Through bubbling streams of splendor
Neath the Autumn crimson sun
Wondrous shimmering leaves
Were dancing, having fun
They were spinning round the maple
At the aspen taking flight
To be off as solemn travelers
Splendor in the mellow light
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RE: Older Parents Chat - 10/13/2008 12:13:17 AM
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42servehymn
Posts: 390
Joined: 4/16/2005
From: Littleton, Colorado
Status: offline
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Thanks Shadowspring!
_____________________________
Through bubbling streams of splendor
Neath the Autumn crimson sun
Wondrous shimmering leaves
Were dancing, having fun
They were spinning round the maple
At the aspen taking flight
To be off as solemn travelers
Splendor in the mellow light
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RE: Older Parents Chat - 10/13/2008 12:29:49 AM
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ladyingrace1979
Posts: 365
Joined: 3/14/2008
From: Fresno CA
Status: offline
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Question for you all...What do you define as dating?
I ask because my dd age 13 has a boyfriend. He is a sweet boy and his parents are more strict than I am. He is home-schooled and dd is in public school. They often hang out here, just sitting on the patio talking or they will go for a walk around the block. Usually their walks are accompanied by a younger sibling or a parent. So far "romance" has only included hand holding and extremely quick kisses on the cheek. He is very gentlemanly, absolutely won't go for a walk or hang out without asking permission first. So do you consider things like that a date?
What is your definition of a date?
Kim Q
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Very long story, but the short version is that he would have ended up homeless otherwise. He really is a great young man and gets along with our family well. He is also doing a ton of work for me. 