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RE: Older Parents Chat - 10/6/2008 4:13:16 PM
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2shaye
Posts: 5416
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From: So. Cal.
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Thanks for the advice. My mil is quite the nosy, busy-body. I love her, but she is work. She lives far away - she moved away from ALL her kids so "we could grow up"?! That's a whole 'nother topic!!
Anyway, she keeps bugging my son to know what his colors will be when they get their own house. He has NO IDEA! And neither does his fiance! She wants to make them a quilt, and that's very nice and thoughtful of her. She wanted to know what size bed they are planning on having so she can make it the right size. She is VERY into the country style. Unfortunately, my son and his fiance are definitely NOT (neither am I). The fiance almost went into a panic attack when I told her about receiving a quilt! I've tried to be the buffer between the generations, but it's hard for me too! I guess that's the crux of my question about this. And yes, I've suggested they read Boundaries!
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RE: Older Parents Chat - 10/6/2008 4:21:30 PM
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Memaw.
Posts: 2357
Joined: 1/29/2007
From: Sunflower State
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quote:
Anyway, she keeps bugging my son to know what his colors will be when they get their own house. He has NO IDEA! And neither does his fiance! She wants to make them a quilt, and that's very nice and thoughtful of her. She wanted to know what size bed they are planning on having so she can make it the right size. She is VERY into the country style. Unfortunately, my son and his fiance are definitely NOT (neither am I). The fiance almost went into a panic attack when I told her about receiving a quilt! I've tried to be the buffer between the generations, but it's hard for me too! I guess that's the crux of my question about this. And yes, I've suggested they read Boundaries!
I am the buffer between my siblings and Dad.
It is very hard, so what I have started doing is to tell each of them (Dad included) that I will no longer relay messages, or try to make "family events" happen. If they want to get a message to one another, the phone dials their number as easily as it dials mine. This is the date I am having this or that going on, if anyone wants to come, great! If not, too bad. 
My advice on the quilt issue is this:
Let your son and future DIL know that if they do not contact Grandma they are going to end up with a country quilt in colors they hate that doesn't fit their bed. 
Then let it be.
_____________________________
"Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction.
Every generation has to learn how to protect and defend it, or it's gone
and gone for a long, long time."
Ronald Reagan
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RE: Older Parents Chat - 10/6/2008 4:22:20 PM
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doinkdom
Posts: 4288
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From: The higher lowcountry
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My youngest daughter's parents-in-law live in CA and have no interest in the Internet. They are devoted JW, so we have no interaction.
The oldest has her in-laws living right down the street - that would make me batty and nope, I've only met them once and that was enough for me.
So...while I'm very close to my own mom and MIL, not so much with the parents-in-law...and I'm sure that is preferrable to my girls as well. 
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RE: Older Parents Chat - 10/6/2008 4:31:22 PM
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doinkdom
Posts: 4288
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: The higher lowcountry
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Memaw.
I am the buffer between my siblings and Dad.
It is very hard, so what I have started doing is to tell each of them (Dad included) that I will no longer relay messages, or try to make "family events" happen. If they want to get a message to one another, the phone dials their number as easily as it dials mine. This is the date I am having this or that going on, if anyone wants to come, great! If not, too bad.
Good for you! As a matter of fact, I found out that if I didn't make the annual phone call to a brother who lives across town, then I wouldn't see him or his family over the holidays.
I haven't made the call in like 7 years and last year was the first time I saw him and part of his family for Thanksgiving.
Release the pressure...enjoy what you do have.
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RE: Older Parents Chat - 10/6/2008 9:26:40 PM
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shadowspring
Posts: 1615
Joined: 5/27/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: 2shaye
Thanks for the advice. My mil is quite the nosy, busy-body. I love her, but she is work. She lives far away - she moved away from ALL her kids so "we could grow up"?! That's a whole 'nother topic!!
Anyway, she keeps bugging my son to know what his colors will be when they get their own house. He has NO IDEA! And neither does his fiance! She wants to make them a quilt, and that's very nice and thoughtful of her. She wanted to know what size bed they are planning on having so she can make it the right size. She is VERY into the country style. Unfortunately, my son and his fiance are definitely NOT (neither am I). The fiance almost went into a panic attack when I told her about receiving a quilt! I've tried to be the buffer between the generations, but it's hard for me too! I guess that's the crux of my question about this. And yes, I've suggested they read Boundaries!
LOL!  I have been on both of sides of the decorating fiasco! Now I will never, NEVER by anything for anyone else's house! I have learned my lesson!
My mom went to Israel and bought a hand-painted three dimensional painting and had it framed for me. It was beautiful, of the landscape in Israel.
But it was orange and lime green, the expensive border and frame matched neither the painting nor my house, and the picture had no sentimental value to me.  It was meaningful to my mom. I wish she had kept it!
I eventually had a Messianic friend who loved it, was into modern art and Israel, so just had it reframed and now it is enjoyed somewhere in Florida.
Poor mom. I felt so bad for her (but not bad enough to hang the picture! ).
But here's the real kicker. A few years earlier *I* had bought some local art for someone as a wedding present. I found out later they hated it. I thought about that painting the Christmas I opened my mom's gift!
Tell them that they can tell MIL any colors they want. It will honor her to let her make the quilt. Then they can accept it gratefully and fold it away in the linen closet. The linen closet doesn't have to be color coordinated, does it?
It will come in handy on cold nights, underneath the beautiful coverlet you will of course layer over the quilt!
And who knows, future grandchildren might be the sentimental type, and be really thrilled to get grandma's quilt someday.
It could happen..... 
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"Blessed is the man...whose delight is in the law of the Lord, and in His law meditates day and night. He will be like a tree planted by rivers of water..." from Psalm 1
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RE: Older Parents Chat - 10/6/2008 9:51:44 PM
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zoebob
Posts: 8772
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From: land of limbo
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What's so wrong with handmade quilts or so odd about liking them?
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L-R: Ellies DD1, Ellies DD2, DS, Ellies DS3
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RE: Older Parents Chat - 10/6/2008 10:02:39 PM
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Memaw.
Posts: 2357
Joined: 1/29/2007
From: Sunflower State
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I have two handmade quilts, one from Ricks birth mother and one from his adoptive mother. Both are beautiful but both are put away for fear of ruining them.
I also have a knitted bedspread that MIL made for me, which is also put away.
I don't know how to wash it and don't want it to be ruined.
_____________________________
"Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction.
Every generation has to learn how to protect and defend it, or it's gone
and gone for a long, long time."
Ronald Reagan
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RE: Older Parents Chat - 10/6/2008 11:23:21 PM
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myka
Posts: 819
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Hmm. Seems I could be all over the place... I'm 42, and I've been married 18 years with ds16, dd12, and dd4. So, one getting ready to launch, one in middle school (I really dislike these years from a parenting perspective), and one in preschool.
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RE: Older Parents Chat - 10/7/2008 10:52:18 AM
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doinkdom
Posts: 4288
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: The higher lowcountry
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quote:
ORIGINAL: zoebob
What's so wrong with handmade quilts or so odd about liking them?
I don't think anyone said there's something wrong with them in general...just the color schemes or patterns maybe.
Personally, I love handmade quilts. But, I don't decorate with them. They are folded neatly in the closet and taken out as needed for cold evenings, etc.
I have one my great grandmother made by hand and it's not decorative at all. Just little squares and rectangles sewn together randomly. Anyways, I keep that at the foot of my bed.
I think the issue being expressed is more about a bossy MIL trying to push her own style onto someone else. maybe?
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RE: Older Parents Chat - 10/7/2008 10:55:52 AM
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iampiper13
Posts: 67
Joined: 5/31/2008
From: Maryland
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hmmm I guess I qualify lol I'm Steve 44 been married 18yrs(in 11 days) ds22, dd13,dd7 my son is in the Navy with 1 tour of Iraq and now is stationed 2 hours away so we see him almost every weekend esp now that him and his now gf(long story but we saw this coming a long time ago) are serious. I love it when he comes home I guess since it helps even the balance of having a house full of females. He is VERY protective of his older sister some times too much so.
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Steve
Psalms 138:3 CEV When I asked for your help, you answered my prayer and gave me courage.
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RE: Older Parents Chat - 10/7/2008 12:10:37 PM
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Covaan_Meshuga
Posts: 3645
Joined: 6/8/2005
From: a mother who let me live
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I am an OLD parent . Age 59, I have a daughter and a son, ages 37 and 33 consecutively and stepdaughter and stepson ages 39 (we think -- adopted) and 39, consecutively. Between all these, we have nine grandchildren. I am fortunate that my first husband's parents are still living, as is my present husband's father, because I lucked out in the parents-in-law area.
I have the privilege of enjoying a quilt made by Consecrated -- made from a photo of a portion of the Western Wall in Jerusalem, she also put a little pocket in the quilt for me to write my prayer and insert it in the "wall." It is beautiful, I love it, and I use it, because she made it in such a way that it can be laundered.
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Abiyah
"Ladies and gentlemen, there are things that you will only be able to learn by the weakest among us, and when you snuff them out, you are the one that loses." ~~Gianna Jesson, 1977 LA, CA, saline abortion survivor
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RE: Older Parents Chat - 10/7/2008 12:49:21 PM
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doinkdom
Posts: 4288
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: The higher lowcountry
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My husband feels outnumbered, but usually it's a more specific redhead outnumbering than general females.
It's good for him - gives him more muscles and a place to exercise his brain
everyone should have at least one redhead in their life
So...um...how much meddling are we allowed?
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RE: Older Parents Chat - 10/7/2008 1:11:57 PM
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doinkdom
Posts: 4288
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From: The higher lowcountry
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Each generation should be blessed with one redhead.
I am one
then, my daughter
now, my grandaughter
two in one generation could be hazardous to good parenting
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RE: Older Parents Chat - 10/7/2008 1:52:04 PM
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Covaan_Meshuga
Posts: 3645
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From: a mother who let me live
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Interesting: one true redhead per generation? I think we managed that, but my hair was dark auburn before it turned gray. Now, it's bottle-brown with gray roots. Gotta do it all again.
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Abiyah
"Ladies and gentlemen, there are things that you will only be able to learn by the weakest among us, and when you snuff them out, you are the one that loses." ~~Gianna Jesson, 1977 LA, CA, saline abortion survivor
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RE: Older Parents Chat - 10/7/2008 2:01:59 PM
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doinkdom
Posts: 4288
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: The higher lowcountry
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I turned 40 and I started getting these mousy brown roots 
So, me and Miss Clairol came up with a formula as close to my natural color as possible - mine is a darker red, too.
My daughter's hair is a little more strawberry and my grandaughters is carrot red baby! And curly! She's so cute with her curls and pudgy cheeks!
I think more than one redhead in a generation could cause some sort of cosmic imbalance of black holes, etc. and we could end up looking like the Farkle Family from the old Laugh-In.
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RE: Older Parents Chat - 10/7/2008 2:20:38 PM
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Memaw.
Posts: 2357
Joined: 1/29/2007
From: Sunflower State
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quote:
I think more than one redhead in a generation could cause some sort of cosmic imbalance of black holes, etc. and we could end up looking like the Farkle Family from the old Laugh-In.
ROFL
_____________________________
"Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction.
Every generation has to learn how to protect and defend it, or it's gone
and gone for a long, long time."
Ronald Reagan
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RE: Older Parents Chat - 10/7/2008 2:49:24 PM
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doinkdom
Posts: 4288
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: The higher lowcountry
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The Farkel Family
...now that's when you know you're an older parent
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