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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 10/14/2008 10:59:03 AM
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raivyne
Posts: 881
Joined: 8/28/2008
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hahaha
_____________________________
God grades on the cross – not on a curve
Good – God = 0
In the dark? Follow the Son!
The Power of a Simple Gift! samaritanspurse.org
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 10/14/2008 11:43:34 AM
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Kellgaste
Posts: 450
Joined: 9/18/2008
From: Wyoming
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that was funny! lol
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 10/14/2008 4:50:20 PM
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MediumOneOne
Posts: 416
Joined: 10/6/2008
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A Texas Department of Water representative stopped at a ranch and talked with an old rancher. He told the rancher, 'I need to inspect your ranch for your water allocation.'
The old rancher said, 'Okay, but don't go in that field over there.'
The Water representative said, 'Mister, I have the authority
of the Federal Government with me. See this card? This card means I am
allowed to go WHEREVER I WISH on any agricultural land. No questions
asked or answered. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?'
The old rancher nodded politely and went about his chores.
Later, the old rancher heard loud screams and saw the Water Rep running
for the fence and close behind was the rancher's bull. The bull was gaining on the
Water Rep with every step.
The Rep was clearly terrified, so the old rancher immediately
ran to the fence and shouted out.....
Your card! Show him your card!'
_____________________________
I'm on the left
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 10/14/2008 4:53:54 PM
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jesuschick247
Posts: 2371
Status: online
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^ROFL! That was a good one!^ I'm crying I'm laughing so hard, mostly because I have seen
one of my cousins get chased by a bull and there's no stopping one!
_____________________________
I Think I'm Outta Control!
<Love is not a fight...but it's worth fighting for!
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 10/14/2008 5:05:28 PM
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MediumOneOne
Posts: 416
Joined: 10/6/2008
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The phone rings at FBI headquarters. "Hello?"
"I'm calling to report my neighbor.
He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood."
"Thank you very much for the call, sir."
The next day, FBI agents descend on the neighbor's house.
They search the shed where the firewood is kept.
Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana.
They swear at the neighbors and leave.
The phone rings at the neighbors house.
Hey, Adrian, did the FBI come?"
"Yep."
"Did they chop your firewood?"
"Yep."
"Great, now it's your turn to call. I need my garden plowed."
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I'm on the left
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 10/20/2008 12:09:22 AM
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John_O
Posts: 8028
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: online
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You Know You're Drinking Too Much Coffee When....
1. You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.
2. You lick your coffeepot clean.
3. You're the employee of the month at the Espresso 4 U coffeehouse and you don't even work there.
4. Your T-shirt says: Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's blend.
5. You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug.
6. You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
7. When someone says: How are you? You say: Good to the last drop.
8. You're offended when people use the word brew to mean beer.
9. You have a conniption over spilled milk.
10. You think being called a drip is a compliment.
11. You don't get mad, you get steamed.
12. You help your dog chase its tail.
13. You think CPR stands for Coffee Provides Resuscitation.
14. Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 10/20/2008 11:39:21 PM
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MediumOneOne
Posts: 416
Joined: 10/6/2008
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You know you have ADHD when:
You even annoy yourself when you chew gum.
You can drive a stick, talk on your cellphone and to the person sitting next to you, surf the radio, drink coffee, and eat a burrito at the same time.
Your doctor prescribes you Adderall.
You forget to take your Adderall.
You miss appointments even when you mark them on the calendar.
The top of your pens are covered with your teethmarks.
Money for your future speeding tickets is earmarked in the family budget.
You "space out" while setting your alarm clock.
Your bookcase is filled with books on hobbies you’ve never pursued.
You’ve found the the milk in the cupboard and your make-up bag in the garage.
Houseplants die under your brown thumb.
You get lost looking for places in your own neighborhood.
There’s a traffic path in the carpet from all your pacing during phone calls.
You question where you’d be in life without bright-colored Post-Its.
Your best and worst decisions are impulsively made.
Being slow at work is considered stressful.
You rely on diagrams, not written instructions, to assemble things.
Trouble always finds you when you don’t stay busy.
People avoid you when you drink more than two cups of coffee.
You’ve been to the E.R. over self-inflicted mishaps.
As a kid, you were the bad influence.
As an adult, you’re still the bad influence.
You forget that eggs are breakable.
You’ve lost a few hearing ranges from your walkman.
You learn everything the hard way.
You think bomb threats at the office breaks up the monotony.
People still consider you hyperactive.
None of your children were planned.
None of your pets were planned, either.
You’ve run out of gas while driving.
You start projects, but rarely finish them.
Your spouse wants to finish you over all your projects in progress.
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I'm on the left
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 10/22/2008 9:10:12 PM
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betterisoneday
Posts: 282
Joined: 1/10/2008
Status: offline
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To Whom It May Concern,
Sad Announcement
Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas, and
oil, The Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.
We apologize for any inconvenience.
Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment
community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection
and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.
Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities
turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry
Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and
Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours.
Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a
man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in
show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not
considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked
schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he still was a crusty
old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.
Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, three children: John Dough,
Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also
survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.
The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.
I'm not sure if this one is allowed... but it's funny.
Rubber Gloves
Next time you use a pair of rubber gloves, you're going to smile when you think of this:
A dentist noticed that his next patient, a little old lady, was nervous so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his gloves.
'Do you know how they make these gloves?' he asked.
'No, I don't,' she replied.
'Well,' he spoofed, 'there's a building in Canada with a big tank of latex and workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in their hands, let them dry, then peel off the gloves and throw them into boxes of the right size.'
She didn't crack a smile.
'Oh, well. I tried,' he thought.
But five minutes later, during a delicate portion of the procedure, she burst out laughing.
'What's so funny?' he asked
'I was just envisioning how condoms are made!'
Gotta watch those little old ladies! Their minds are always working!
_____________________________
No reserves. No retreat. No regret.
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 10/23/2008 4:37:37 PM
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Prairiehiker
Posts: 2540
Joined: 12/11/2007
From: The little house in the prairie
Status: offline
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Q: What is the one thing Wall St and the Olympics have in common?
A: Synchronised diving.
I went to buy a toaster and it came with a bank.
Overheard in a City bar: ‘This credit crunch is worse than a divorce. I’ve lost half my net worth and I still have a wife.’
What’s the capital of Iceland?
About $3.50.
Q: What is the difference between an investment banker and a pigeon?
A: A pigeon can still make a deposit on a BMW.
Q: What is the difference between an investment banker and a large pizza?
A: The pizza can still feed a family of four.
_____________________________
O Lord my God, When I in awesome wonder,
Consider all the worlds Thy Hands have made;
Then sings my soul, my Saviour God to Thee
How great Thou art, How great Thou art.
<<<dogsledding at the Canadian Rockies
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 10/23/2008 8:21:00 PM
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betterisoneday
Posts: 282
Joined: 1/10/2008
Status: offline
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Sorry for any repeats, I hadn't heard most of these before.
Actual call center conversations!
Customer: 'I've been calling 700-1000 for two days and can't get through; can you help?'
Operator: 'Where did you get that number, sir?'
Customer: 'It's on the door of your business.'
Operator: 'Sir, those are the hours that we are open.'
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Samsung Electronics
Caller: 'Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?'
Operator: 'I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about.'
Caller: 'On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?'
Operator: 'I think it means the telephone plug on the wall.'
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RAC Motoring Services
Caller: 'Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am traveling in Australia ?'
Operator: 'Does the product name give you a clue?'
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Caller (inquiring about legal requirements while traveling in Europe ) 'If I register my car in France , and then take it to England , do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?'
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Directory Inquiries
Caller: 'I'd like the number of the Argo Fish Bar, please'
Operator: 'I'm sorry, there's no listing. Are you sure that the spelling is correct?'
Caller: 'Well, it used to be called the Bargo Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off.'
------------------ ----------------------------------------------------
Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator: 'Woven? Are you sure?'
Caller: 'Yes. That's what it says on the label -- Woven in Scotland .'
----- -----------------------------------------------------------------
On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator: 'I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on.'
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Tech Support: 'I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.'
Customer: 'OK.'
Tech Support: 0'Did you get a pop-up menu?'
Customer: 'No.'
Tech Support: 'OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?'
Customer: 'No.'
Tech Support: 'OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?'
Customer: 'Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'.'
----------------------------- -----------------------------------------
Tech Support: 'OK. At the bottom left hand side of your screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?'
Customer: 'Wow! How can you see my screen from there?'
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Caller: 'I deleted a file from my PC last week and I just realized that I need it. So, if I turn my system clock back two weeks will I get my file back again?'
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This has to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the WordPerfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the WordPerfect organization for 'Termination without Cause.'
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee.
(Now I know why they record these conversations!):
Operator: 'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?'
Caller: 'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect .'
Operator: 'What sort of trouble??'
Caller: 'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.'
Operator: 'Went away?'
Caller: 'They disappeared'
Operator: 'Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?'
Caller: 'Nothing.'
Operator: 'Nothing??'
Caller: 'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'
Operator: 'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?'
Caller: 'How do I tell?'
Operator: 'Can you see the 'C: prompt' on the screen?'
Caller: 'What's a sea-prompt?'
Operator: 'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?'
Caller: 'There isn't any cursor; I told you, it won't accept anything I type.'
Operator: 'Does your monitor have a power indicator??'
Caller: 'What's a monitor?'
Operator: 'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?'
Caller: 'I don't know.'
Operator: ; 'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??'
Caller: 'Yes, I think so.'
Operator: 'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
Caller: 'Yes, it is.'
Operator: 'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one? '
Caller: 'No.'
Operator: 'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.'
Caller: 'Okay, here it is.'
Operator: 'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.'
Ca ller: 'I can't reach.'
Operator: 'OK. Well, can you see if it is?'
Caller: 'No'
Operator: 'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?'
Caller: 'Well, it's not because I don't have the right angle -- it's because it's dark.'
Operator: 'Dark?'
Caller: Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.'
Operator: 'Well, turn on the office light then.'
Caller: 'I can't.'
Operator: 'No? Why not?'
Caller: 'Because there's a power failure.'
Operator: 'A power .... A power failure? Aha. Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff that your computer came in?'
Caller: 'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.'
Operator: 'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.'
Caller: 'Really? Is it that bad?'
Operator: 'Yes, I'm afraid it is.'
Caller: 'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?'
Operator: 'Tell them you're too darned stupid to own a computer!ʼ
_____________________________
No reserves. No retreat. No regret.
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 10/23/2008 11:39:18 PM
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OneJohn410
Posts: 1220
Joined: 6/1/2008
Status: offline
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Brad and Mike are two old retired widowers who reside close to each other and do constant welfare checks on each other. Much of their relationship is based on pragmatism rather than real friendship or personal affection. One day, as he drinks his morning coffee, Mike opens the morning paper and turns to the obituaries page. He gets the shock of his life when he sees his own obituary in the column. He realizes that the query for info on him by the local newspaper several months earlier, was in preparation for this event. He correctly surmises that it is a mistaken entry from their database. It still excites and rankles him, so he calls Brad up. "Brad, are you up yet?" asks Mike. Brad sleepily answers, "Yeah, but I'm only now starting my coffee." "Brad. open the newspaper to page 31." "Why, what's in the paper?" "Brad, get the paper and open it to page 31 NOW!" "Ok, Ok, I've got the paper here, so what's in page 31?" "Brad, open the paper to page 31 already!" "All right, don't be such a pain so early in the morning already. So, what's on page 31 that's so important?" "Brad, look at the bottom of column 4." "Why? What's that story on?" "Brad, read the story on the bottom of the column already!" "OK, OK, I'll start reading the column if you stop yelling in my ear!" The paper rustles for a few seconds, then a long silent pause ensues. Finally, Brad comes on the line quietly and fearfully asks, "So Mike, where are you calling me from right now?"
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 10/23/2008 11:40:40 PM
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OneJohn410
Posts: 1220
Joined: 6/1/2008
Status: offline
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One day a lady was driving on the Highway. She frequently checked her speed gauge to make sure she stayed within the speed limit. However, when she looked into her rear mirror, much to her dismay, she saw a police car not far behind! And, to make matters worse, the police car turned on his flashing lights. She thought to herself, "Uh-oh, what have I done now? I'm not speeding. I'm not drinking. I have my seat belt on! I have kept up my license dues and everything!"
So, she pulled over and the police car pulled over to the side right behind her car. She drove her car slowly to a stop, slowly rolled down the window, and prepared for a ticket when she knew she didn't deserve it. A policeman walked up to her window, and spoke to her.
The lady pointed to her ear and shook her head, meaning she was deaf. The policeman smiled slightly, and knowing sign language, signed back, "I know. I'm here to tell you that your horn is stuck."
_____________________________
The Lord is my strength and shield. I trust Him with all my heart. He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy. I burst out in songs of thanksgiving. Psalm 28:7
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 10/23/2008 11:46:12 PM
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OneJohn410
Posts: 1220
Joined: 6/1/2008
Status: offline
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SUITE REVENGE: Phone won't stop ringing? Here's what you do... Leola of Ribrock, Tenn., had a serious telephone problem. But unlike most people she did something about it.
The $10 million Ribrock Plaza Motel opened nearby and had acquired almost the same telephone number as Leola. From the moment the motel opened, Leola was besieged by calls not for her. Since she had the same phone number for years, she felt that she had a case to persuade the motel management to change its number.
Naturally, the management refused claiming that it could not change its stationery. The Phone Company was not helpful, either. A number was a number, and just because a customer was getting someone else's calls 24 hours a day didn't make it responsible. After her pleas fell on deaf ears, Leola decided to take matters into her own hands.
At 9 o'clock the phone rang. Someone from Memphis was calling the motel and asked for a room for the following Tuesday. Leola said, "No problem. How many nights?" A few hours later Dallas checked in. A secretary wanted a suite with two bedrooms for a week. Emboldened, Leola said the Presidential Suite on the 10th floor was available for $600 a night. The secretary said that she would take it and asked if the hotel wanted a deposit. "No, that won't be necessary," Leola said. "We trust you."
The next day was a busy one for Leola. In the morning, she booked electric appliance manufacturers' convention for Memorial Day weekend, a college prom and a reunion of the 82nd Airborne veterans from World War II. Her biggest challenge came in the afternoon when a mother called to book the ballroom for her daughter's wedding in June. Leola assured the woman that it would be no problem and asked if she would be providing the flowers or did she want the hotel to take care of it. The mother said that she would prefer the hotel to handle the floral arrangements. Then the question of valet parking came up. Once again Leola was helpful. "There's no charge for valet parking, but we always recommend that the client tips the drivers."
Within a few months, the Ribrock Plaza Motel was a disaster area. People kept showing up for weddings, bar mitzvahs, and Sweet Sixteen parties and were all told there were no such events. Leola had her final revenge when she read in the local paper that the motel might go bankrupt.
Her phone rang, and an executive from Marriott said, "We're prepared to offer you $200,000 for the motel." Leola replied. "We'll take it, but only if you change the telephone number."
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The Lord is my strength and shield. I trust Him with all my heart. He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy. I burst out in songs of thanksgiving. Psalm 28:7
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 10/23/2008 11:49:10 PM
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OneJohn410
Posts: 1220
Joined: 6/1/2008
Status: offline
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This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application.
You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night. You pass by a bus stop, and you see three people waiting for the bus: an old lady who looks as if she is about to die; an old friend who once saved your life; and the (man or woman) of your dreams. Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car? When you have decided what you would do, continue reading.
The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up with his answer. He simply answered: "I would give the car keys to my old friend, and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the woman of my dreams." Never forget to "think outside of the box."
_____________________________
The Lord is my strength and shield. I trust Him with all my heart. He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy. I burst out in songs of thanksgiving. Psalm 28:7
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 10/23/2008 11:56:03 PM
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OneJohn410
Posts: 1220
Joined: 6/1/2008
Status: offline
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A man stood on the side of the road hitch hiking on a very dark night in the middle of a storm. The night was rolling and no cars passed. The storm was so strong, he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly he saw a car come towards him and stop. The guy, without thinking about it, got in the car and closed the door to realize that nobody was behind the wheel. The car started slowly. The guy looked at the road and saw a curve coming his way. Scared, he started praying, and begged for his life. He hadn't come out of shock, when just before he hit the curve, a hand appeared through the window and moved the wheel. The guy, paralyzed in terror, watched how the hand appeared every time before a curve. The guy gathered strength, got out of the car and ran to the nearest town. Wet and in shock, he ran into a cantina and asked for two shots of tequila, and started telling everybody about the horrible experience he went through. A silence enveloped everybody when they realized the guy was crying and wasn't drunk. About half an hour later, two guys walked into the same cantina, and one said to the other. "Look Pepe, that's the character who climbed into the car while we were pushing."
_____________________________
The Lord is my strength and shield. I trust Him with all my heart. He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy. I burst out in songs of thanksgiving. Psalm 28:7
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 10/23/2008 11:58:35 PM
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OneJohn410
Posts: 1220
Joined: 6/1/2008
Status: offline
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A man learned shortly before quitting time that he had to attend a meeting. He tried unsuccessfully to locate his car-pool members to let them know that he would not be leaving with them. Hastily he scribbled a message to one fellow and left it on his desk: "I have a last-minute meeting. Leave without me. Dave." At 7:00 p.m., the man stopped at his desk and found this note: "Meet us at the bar and grill across the street. You drove, you idiot."
_____________________________
The Lord is my strength and shield. I trust Him with all my heart. He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy. I burst out in songs of thanksgiving. Psalm 28:7
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 10/24/2008 8:38:29 AM
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Tinkerbell_
Posts: 7662
Joined: 1/25/2008
From: NeverNeverLand
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: OneJohn410
A man learned shortly before quitting time that he had to attend a meeting. He tried unsuccessfully to locate his car-pool members to let them know that he would not be leaving with them. Hastily he scribbled a message to one fellow and left it on his desk: "I have a last-minute meeting. Leave without me. Dave." At 7:00 p.m., the man stopped at his desk and found this note: "Meet us at the bar and grill across the street. You drove, you idiot."
LOLOLOL!!!!!!
I cracked up at this one and had to tell my coworker why I was laughing so hard!
*giggle*
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 10/24/2008 10:58:59 AM
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John_O
Posts: 8028
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: online
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A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won’t stop staring at her.
She asks him why he is staring. He replies: ‘I have a question to ask, but I don’t want to offend you.’
She answers, ‘ My son, you cannot offend me. When you’re as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I’m sure that there’s nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.’
‘Well, I’ve always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.’
She responds, ‘Well, let’s see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic.’
The cab driver is very excited and says, ‘Yes, I’m single and Catholic!’
‘OK’ the nun says. ‘Pull into the next alley.’
The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.
But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
‘My dear child,’ said the nun, ‘Why are you crying?’
‘Forgive me but I’ve sinned. I lied and I must confess; I’m married and I’m Jewish.’
The nun says, ‘That’s OK. My name is Kevin and I’m going to a Halloween party'
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 10/24/2008 11:06:28 AM
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John_O
Posts: 8028
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: online
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You should never consume alcohol while doing calculus. It’s not smart to drink and derive.
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The other day I was listening to an instrumental track called “Cry of the Blue Whale” with the Girl in the car. I explained to her that whales don’t actually cry.
They blubber.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 10/24/2008 11:32:18 AM
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John_O
Posts: 8028
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: online
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(Not really a joke but it's funny that some people actually would read these and find them to be valid reasons)
Americanthinker.com
October 21, 2008
Why I'm voting Democrat
letter to the editor
I'm voting Democrat because like most Americans I trust lawyers more than anyone else; I think only lawyers should run the government, and all the Democrat Leaders are lawyers: Barack Obama, Michelle Obama, Joe Biden, John Edwards, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, Senate Leader Harry Reid, Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, and John Kerry, to name just a few. (Al Gore dropped out of Law School, so I don't trust him as much, except on Global Warming.)
I'm voting Democrat because the Democrats support the trial lawyers and I think this country needs more lawsuits and less tort reform. And I don't believe the trial lawyers' contributions have a thing to do with it.
I'm voting Democrat because Congress has done such a wonderful job under Democrat leadership the last two years, that I want a lot more of the same.
I'm voting Democrat because I want to get my health care from the same competent, efficient, cost-effective, customer-service-focused folks who run the US Post Office, the Pentagon, FEMA and the state Registry of Motor Vehicles.
I'm voting Democrat because I'm way too irresponsible to own a gun, and I know that my local police are all I need to protect me from murderers and thieves.
I'm voting Democrat because Sen. Obama has promised to cut the taxes of 95% of the people, including the 30% who don't pay taxes.
I'm voting Democrat because Sen. Obama has promised to take away the secret ballot in union elections, and I think the union bosses should know if a workingman or woman is with them, or against them.
I'm voting Democrat because Sen. Obama has over three years experience in the Federal Government, and "Hope" is a great strategy.
I'm voting Democrat because Sen. Obama voted "present" instead of "yes" or "no" over 120 times in the Illinois State Senate, and I think we need a decisive president.
I'm voting Democrat because I think that drilling for American oil is foolish, when we can buy oil from the Middle East.
I'm voting Democrat because I think windmills (except off Hyannis) are a better answer to reliable, clean energy than Nuclear Energy.
I'm voting Democrat because I don't think we give enough to other countries in foreign aid.
I'm voting Democrat because I'm for putting up barriers to free trade, as they did in 1930 with the Smoot-Hawley bill. That made things much better then.
I'm voting Democrat because I miss the high unemployment, inflation and interest rates of the Jimmy Carter years.
I'm voting Democrat because parents shouldn't get to choose the school their kids go to. Parents should leave their children's education to the teachers and stay out of it.
I'm voting Democrat because I think this is the perfect time to raise the Capital Gains tax and drive investment money out of the stock market.
I'm voting Democrat because I believe oil companies' profits of 4% on a gallon of gas are obscene, but the government taxing the same gallon of gas at 15% isn't.
I'm voting Democrat because I believe the government will do a better job of spending the money I earn than I would, and I want to spread my wealth around to those who earn less - or nothing.
I'm voting Democrat because freedom of speech is fine as long as nobody is offended by it.
I'm voting Democrat because, when we pull out of Iraq, I trust that the bad guys will stop what they're doing because they now think we're good people.
I'm voting Democrat because I believe that people who can't tell us if it will rain on Friday CAN tell us that the polar ice caps will melt away in ten years if I don't start driving a Prius.
I'm voting Democrat because I'm not concerned about restoring partial birth abortions so long as we keep all death row murderers alive.
I'm voting Democrat because I believe that small businesses should not be allowed to make a profit. They need to break even and give the rest away to the government for redistribution to people who didn't start businesses.
I'm voting Democrat because I believe the law is what judges say it is, and not what legislators say -- or the constitution.
I'm voting Democrat because the media would call me a racist if I didn't.
Robert A. Hall
Des Plaines, IL
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Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 10/24/2008 1:39:20 PM
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JustJeannie
Posts: 4537
Joined: 6/14/2007
From: the state of confusion
Status: online
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Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married.
One broom was, of course, the bride broom, the other the groom broom.
The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo. The wedding was lovely.
After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the bride-broom leaned over and said to the groom-broom, 'I think I am going to have a little whisk broom!'
'IMPOSSIBLE !' said the groom broom.
Are you ready for this?
Brace yourself; this is going to hurt!!!!!!
'WE HAVEN'T EVEN SWEPT TOGETHER!'
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Jeannie
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 10/24/2008 1:50:05 PM
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John_O
Posts: 8028
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: online
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Perfect Jeanie!! Absolutely perfect.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 10/24/2008 4:22:51 PM
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John_O
Posts: 8028
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: online
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