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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 10/10/2008 9:25:55 AM
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zoebob
Posts: 8757
Joined: 4/13/2005
From: land of limbo
Status: online
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I don't get it either. WHat are margarineflies?
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L-R: DD1, Ellies DS2, DD2, Ellies DS1
L-R: Ellies DD1, Ellies DD2, DS, Ellies DS3
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 10/10/2008 9:30:46 AM
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Tinkerbell_
Posts: 7662
Joined: 1/25/2008
From: NeverNeverLand
Status: online
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THANK YOU ZOE!!!!!!!
*sticks tongue out at Jeannie*
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 10/10/2008 9:31:34 AM
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zoebob
Posts: 8757
Joined: 4/13/2005
From: land of limbo
Status: online
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YW. I do get teh Margarine "I can't believe it's not butter part" but I just don't understand what Margarineflies are
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L-R: DD1, Ellies DS2, DD2, Ellies DS1
L-R: Ellies DD1, Ellies DD2, DS, Ellies DS3
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 10/10/2008 9:50:32 AM
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zoebob
Posts: 8757
Joined: 4/13/2005
From: land of limbo
Status: online
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oh, oK. But why would you feel butterflies? Am I missing something from the context of the original conversation. Maybe I'm thinking about this too much. I even searched for margarineflies.
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L-R: DD1, Ellies DS2, DD2, Ellies DS1
L-R: Ellies DD1, Ellies DD2, DS, Ellies DS3
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 10/10/2008 9:53:31 AM
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FunBetty
Posts: 7171
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Dr Pepper Country
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: zoebob
oh, oK. But why would you feel butterflies? Am I missing something from the context of the original conversation. Maybe I'm thinking about this too much. I even searched for margarineflies.
Pssssttt.... because of a BOY...
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Fun Betty's Therapy Centre and Cheesecake and Cookie Shoppe
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 10/10/2008 10:00:47 AM
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zoebob
Posts: 8757
Joined: 4/13/2005
From: land of limbo
Status: online
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quote:
Pssssttt.... because of a BOY...
OIC. I probably should have blond roots sometimes. Sounds like it was something missing from taking it out of the original conversation. I never say "feeling butterflies" but would say 'I have butterflies" which is probably why I missed it.
I did do something silly on the playground at the school I work at. I mumbled to my DD "I must be losing my mind" Her friend who was next to her agreed with me. I need to tell her mom that one...she's a faculty kid
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L-R: DD1, Ellies DS2, DD2, Ellies DS1
L-R: Ellies DD1, Ellies DD2, DS, Ellies DS3
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 10/10/2008 10:01:47 AM
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FunBetty
Posts: 7171
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Dr Pepper Country
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: AngelInWaiting1983
quote:
ORIGINAL: FunBetty
quote:
ORIGINAL: zoebob
oh, oK. But why would you feel butterflies? Am I missing something from the context of the original conversation. Maybe I'm thinking about this too much. I even searched for margarineflies.
Pssssttt.... because of a BOY...
I SAW THAT!
Thanks, Terri.
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Fun Betty's Therapy Centre and Cheesecake and Cookie Shoppe
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 10/10/2008 10:09:04 AM
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FunBetty
Posts: 7171
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Dr Pepper Country
Status: online
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I wuvv you too, Tinkers!!!!
...wow, it's a good think your name is not Stinkerbell.....
(I still wuuuvvvvvvvvv you and here's a coke for that)
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Fun Betty's Therapy Centre and Cheesecake and Cookie Shoppe
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 10/10/2008 10:36:43 AM
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FunBetty
Posts: 7171
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Dr Pepper Country
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: JustJeannie
quote:
ORIGINAL: FunBetty
I wuvv you too, Tinkers!!!!
...wow, it's a good think your name is not Stinkerbell.....
(I still wuuuvvvvvvvvv you and here's a coke for that)
She already caught you and EDyoda in the flirt thread!!!geez 
I really don't mind if mama tink catches us. If I didn't want her to see it I wouldn't post it, right Mama Tink?
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Fun Betty's Therapy Centre and Cheesecake and Cookie Shoppe
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 10/11/2008 10:51:36 PM
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John_O
Posts: 8028
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: online
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Money
It can buy a House............But not a Home
It can buy a Bed..............But not Sleep
It can buy a Clock............But not Time
It can buy you a Book.........But not Knowledge
It can buy you Medicine.......But not Health
It can buy you Sex............But not Love
So you see money isn't everything.
And it often causes pain and suffering.
I tell you all this because I am your Friend,
and as your Friend I want to take away your pain and suffering.
So send me all your money..........
And I will suffer for you.
CASH ONLY PLEASE!!!
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Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 10/11/2008 11:03:07 PM
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John_O
Posts: 8028
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: online
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Little Amy confided to her uncle, “When I grow up I’m going to marry the boy next door.”
“Why is that?”
“Cause I’m not allowed to cross the road.”
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 10/11/2008 11:08:16 PM
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John_O
Posts: 8028
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: online
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Two women were walking through the woods when a frog called out to them and said: “Help me, ladies! I am a stockbroker who, through an evil witch’s curse, has been transformed into a frog. If one of you will kiss me, I’ll be returned to my former state!”
One woman took out her purse, grabbed the frog, and stuffed it inside her handbag. The other woman, aghast, screamed, “Didn’t you hear him? If you kiss him, he’ll turn into a stockbroker!”
The second woman replied, “Sure, but these days a talking frog is worth more than a stockbroker!”
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 10/11/2008 11:24:22 PM
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John_O
Posts: 8028
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: online
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(I'm sure this has been posted before but I love this one)
ARE YOU DEMOCRAT, REPUBLICAN OR REDNECK ?
Here is a little test that will help you decide.
You’re walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you. You are carrying a Glock cal 40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?
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Democrat’s Answer
Well, that’s not enough information to answer the question! Does the man look poor! Or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack? Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? What does the law say about this situation?
Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it? Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children? Is it possible he’d be happy with just killing me? Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me? If I were to grab his knees and hold on , could my family get away while he was stabbing me? Should I call 9-1-1 ?
Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior. This is all so confusing! I need to discuss with some friends over a latte and try to come to a consensus.
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Republican’s Answer:
BANG!
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Redneck’s Answer:
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click....(sounds of reloading)
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click
Daughter: ‘Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?’
Son: ‘You got him, Pop! Can I shoot the next one?’
Wife: ‘You are NOT taking that to the taxidermist !
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 10/11/2008 11:32:28 PM
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John_O
Posts: 8028
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: online
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Cemetery Escort Duty
I just wanted to get the day over with and go down to Smokey's. Sneaking a look at my watch, I saw the time, 4:55 pm. Five minutes to go before the cemetery gates are closed for the day. Full dress was hot in the August sun. Oklahoma summertime was as bad as ever--the heat and humidity at the same level--both too high.
I saw the car pull into the drive, '69 or '70 model Cadillac Deville, looked factory-new. It pulled into the parking lot at a snail's pace. An old woman got out so slowly I thought she was paralyzed; She had a cane and a sheaf of flowers--about four or five bunches as best I could tell.
I couldn't help myself. The thought came unwanted, and left a slightly bitter taste: 'She's going to spend an hour, and for this old soldier, my hip hurts like hell and I'm ready to get out of here right now!' But for this day, my duty was to assist anyone coming in.
Kevin would lock the 'In' gate and if I could hurry the old biddy along, we might make it to Smokey's in time.
I broke post attention. My hip made gritty noises when I took the first step and the pain went up a notch. I must have made a real military sight: middle-aged man with a small pot gut and half a limp, in marine full-dress uniform, which had lost its razor crease about thirty minutes after I began the watch at the cemetery.
I stopped in front of her, halfway up the walk. She looked up at me with an old woman's squint.
'Ma'am, may I assist you in any way?'
She took long enough to answer. 'Yes, son. Can you carry these flowers? I seem to be moving a tad slow these days.'
'My pleasure, ma'am.' Well, it wasn't too much of a lie.
She looked again. 'Marine, where were you stationed?'
'Vietnam, ma'am. Ground-pounder. '69 to '71.'
She looked at me closer. 'Wounded in action, I see. Well done, marine. I'll be as quick as I can.'
I lied a little bigger: 'No hurry, ma'am.'
She smiled and winked at me. 'Son, I'm 85-years-old and I can tell a lie from a long way off. Let's get this done. Might be the last time I can do this. My name's Joanne Wieserman, and I've a few marines I'd like to see one more time.'
'Yes, ma'am. At your service.'
She headed for the World War I section, stopping at a stone. She picked one of the flowers out of my arm and laid it on top of the stone. She murmured something I couldn't quite make out. The name on the marble was Donald S. Davidson, USMC: France 1918.
She turned away and made a straight line for the World War II section, stopping at one stone. I saw a tear slowly tracking its way down her cheek. She put a bunch on a stone; the name was Stephen X. Davidson, USMC, 1943.
She went up the row a ways and laid another bunch on a stone, Stanley J. Wieserman, USMC, 1944.
She paused for a second. 'Two more, son, and we'll be done.'
I almost didn't say anything, but, 'Yes, ma'am. Take your time.'
She looked confused. 'Where's the Vietnam section, son? I seem to have lost my way.'
I pointed with my chin. 'That way, ma'am.'
'Oh!' she chuckled quietly. 'Son, me and old age ain't too friendly.'
She headed down the walk I'd pointed at. She stopped at a couple of stones before she found the ones she wanted. She placed a bunch on Larry Wieserman, USMC, 1968, and the last on Darrel Wieserman, USMC, 1970. She stood there and murmured a few words I still couldn't make out.
'OK, son, I'm finished. Get me back to my car and you can go home.'
'Yes, ma'am.' If I may ask , were those your kinfolk?'
She paused.
'Yes, Donald Davidson was my father, Stephen was my uncle, Stanley was my husband, Larry and Darrel were our sons. All killed in action, all marines.'
She stopped. Whether she had finished, or couldn't finish, I don't know. She made her way to her car, slowly and painfully.
I waited for a polite distance to come between us and then double-timed it over to Kevin, waiting by the car.
'Get to the 'Out' gate quick. I have something I've got to do.'
Kevin started to say something, but saw the look I gave him. He broke the rules to get us there down the service road. We beat her. She hadn't made it around the rotunda yet.
'Kevin, stand at attention next to the gatepost. Follow my lead.' I humped it across the drive to the other post.
When the Cadillac came puttering around from the hedges and began the short straight traverse to the gate, I called in my best gunny's voice: 'TehenHut! Present Haaaarms!' I have to hand it to Kevin; he never blinked an eye--full dress, attention and a salute that would make his DI proud.
She drove through that gate with two old worn-out soldiers giving her a send-off she deserved, for service rendered to her country, and for knowing duty, honor and sacrifice.
I am not sure, but I think I saw a salute returned from that Cadillac.
Instead of 'The End,' just think of 'Taps.'
As a final thought on my part, let me share a favorite prayer: 'Lord, keep our servicemen and women safe, whether they serve at home or overseas. Hold them in your loving hands and protect them as they protect us.'
Let's all keep those currently serving and those who have gone before in our thoughts. They are the reason for the many freedoms we enjoy. 'In God We Trust.'
Sorry about your monitor; it made mine blurry too!
If we ever forget that we're one nation under God (Christ), then we will be a nation gone under!
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 10/12/2008 8:39:32 AM
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zoebob
Posts: 8757
Joined: 4/13/2005
From: land of limbo
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
Redneck’s Answer:
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click....(sounds of reloading)
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click
Daughter: ‘Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?’
Son: ‘You got him, Pop! Can I shoot the next one?’
Wife: ‘You are NOT taking that to the taxidermist !
ROFLOL
_____________________________
L-R: DD1, Ellies DS2, DD2, Ellies DS1
L-R: Ellies DD1, Ellies DD2, DS, Ellies DS3
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 10/12/2008 9:36:33 PM
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MyCatSmokey2006
Posts: 3133
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
Cemetery Escort Duty
I just wanted to get the day over with and go down to Smokey's. Sneaking a look at my watch, I saw the time, 4:55 pm. Five minutes to go before the cemetery gates are closed for the day. Full dress was hot in the August sun. Oklahoma summertime was as bad as ever--the heat and humidity at the same level--both too high.
I saw the car pull into the drive, '69 or '70 model Cadillac Deville, looked factory-new. It pulled into the parking lot at a snail's pace. An old woman got out so slowly I thought she was paralyzed; She had a cane and a sheaf of flowers--about four or five bunches as best I could tell.
I couldn't help myself. The thought came unwanted, and left a slightly bitter taste: 'She's going to spend an hour, and for this old soldier, my hip hurts like hell and I'm ready to get out of here right now!' But for this day, my duty was to assist anyone coming in.
Kevin would lock the 'In' gate and if I could hurry the old biddy along, we might make it to Smokey's in time.
I broke post attention. My hip made gritty noises when I took the first step and the pain went up a notch. I must have made a real military sight: middle-aged man with a small pot gut and half a limp, in marine full-dress uniform, which had lost its razor crease about thirty minutes after I began the watch at the cemetery.
I stopped in front of her, halfway up the walk. She looked up at me with an old woman's squint.
'Ma'am, may I assist you in any way?'
She took long enough to answer. 'Yes, son. Can you carry these flowers? I seem to be moving a tad slow these days.'
'My pleasure, ma'am.' Well, it wasn't too much of a lie.
She looked again. 'Marine, where were you stationed?'
'Vietnam, ma'am. Ground-pounder. '69 to '71.'
She looked at me closer. 'Wounded in action, I see. Well done, marine. I'll be as quick as I can.'
I lied a little bigger: 'No hurry, ma'am.'
She smiled and winked at me. 'Son, I'm 85-years-old and I can tell a lie from a long way off. Let's get this done. Might be the last time I can do this. My name's Joanne Wieserman, and I've a few marines I'd like to see one more time.'
'Yes, ma'am. At your service.'
She headed for the World War I section, stopping at a stone. She picked one of the flowers out of my arm and laid it on top of the stone. She murmured something I couldn't quite make out. The name on the marble was Donald S. Davidson, USMC: France 1918.
She turned away and made a straight line for the World War II section, stopping at one stone. I saw a tear slowly tracking its way down her cheek. She put a bunch on a stone; the name was Stephen X. Davidson, USMC, 1943.
She went up the row a ways and laid another bunch on a stone, Stanley J. Wieserman, USMC, 1944.
She paused for a second. 'Two more, son, and we'll be done.'
I almost didn't say anything, but, 'Yes, ma'am. Take your time.'
She looked confused. 'Where's the Vietnam section, son? I seem to have lost my way.'
I pointed with my chin. 'That way, ma'am.'
'Oh!' she chuckled quietly. 'Son, me and old age ain't too friendly.'
She headed down the walk I'd pointed at. She stopped at a couple of stones before she found the ones she wanted. She placed a bunch on Larry Wieserman, USMC, 1968, and the last on Darrel Wieserman, USMC, 1970. She stood there and murmured a few words I still couldn't make out.
'OK, son, I'm finished. Get me back to my car and you can go home.'
'Yes, ma'am.' If I may ask , were those your kinfolk?'
She paused.
'Yes, Donald Davidson was my father, Stephen was my uncle, Stanley was my husband, Larry and Darrel were our sons. All killed in action, all marines.'
She stopped. Whether she had finished, or couldn't finish, I don't know. She made her way to her car, slowly and painfully.
I waited for a polite distance to come between us and then double-timed it over to Kevin, waiting by the car.
'Get to the 'Out' gate quick. I have something I've got to do.'
Kevin started to say something, but saw the look I gave him. He broke the rules to get us there down the service road. We beat her. She hadn't made it around the rotunda yet.
'Kevin, stand at attention next to the gatepost. Follow my lead.' I humped it across the drive to the other post.
When the Cadillac came puttering around from the hedges and began the short straight traverse to the gate, I called in my best gunny's voice: 'TehenHut! Present Haaaarms!' I have to hand it to Kevin; he never blinked an eye--full dress, attention and a salute that would make his DI proud.
She drove through that gate with two old worn-out soldiers giving her a send-off she deserved, for service rendered to her country, and for knowing duty, honor and sacrifice.
I am not sure, but I think I saw a salute returned from that Cadillac.
Instead of 'The End,' just think of 'Taps.'
As a final thought on my part, let me share a favorite prayer: 'Lord, keep our servicemen and women safe, whether they serve at home or overseas. Hold them in your loving hands and protect them as they protect us.'
Let's all keep those currently serving and those who have gone before in our thoughts. They are the reason for the many freedoms we enjoy. 'In God We Trust.'
Sorry about your monitor; it made mine blurry too!
If we ever forget that we're one nation under God (Christ), then we will be a nation gone under!
This one should have come with a HANKY alert. 
_____________________________
Melissa
MEOWY CHRISTMAS!
My BLOG!
MY CAT POST!
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 10/14/2008 10:51:10 AM
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John_O
Posts: 8028
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: online
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Estate Planning
Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business.
When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his fortune.
One evening at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away. 'I may look like just an ordinary man,' he said to her, 'but in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars.'
Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and three days later she became his stepmother.
Women are so much better at estate planning than men.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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