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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 9/26/2008 3:54:30 PM
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John_O
Posts: 8028
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: online
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Welcome to another installment of Really Useful Signs
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Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 9/26/2008 4:34:49 PM
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.Pammy
Posts: 3976
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: PA, USA
Status: offline
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John, those chicken responses were so awesome, I couldn't pick out my favorite.
And that sidewalk sign is just too crazy!
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Pam
"Sweet-talkers win at singles' bars and in politics ... often with similar outcomes for the listener."
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 10/2/2008 6:17:57 PM
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9drtr
Posts: 1657
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Toronto the Good
Status: offline
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I found this on another forum and thought you'd enjoy it.
Today, at thefantasyforum.com, Alchemist posted:
How many forum members does it take to change a light bulb....
1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs
1 to move it to the Lighting section
2 to argue then move it to the Electronics section
7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs
5 to flame the spell checkers
3 to correct spelling/grammar flames
6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ... another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid
2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"
15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct
19 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum
11 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum
36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty
7 to post URLs where one can see examples of different light bulbs
4 to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URLs
3 to post about links they found from the URLs that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group
13 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too"
5 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy
4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"
13 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs"
1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again.
_____________________________
Edwin
When we know who is coming, how can we worry about what is coming? When the last hour belongs to us, how can we worry about the next minute?
Ross Crighton
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 10/2/2008 6:28:33 PM
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zoebob
Posts: 8757
Joined: 4/13/2005
From: land of limbo
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: 9drtr
I found this on another forum and thought you'd enjoy it.
Today, at thefantasyforum.com, Alchemist posted:
How many forum members does it take to change a light bulb....
1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs
1 to move it to the Lighting section
2 to argue then move it to the Electronics section
7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs
5 to flame the spell checkers
3 to correct spelling/grammar flames
6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ... another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid
2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"
15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct
19 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum
11 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum
36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty
7 to post URLs where one can see examples of different light bulbs
4 to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URLs
3 to post about links they found from the URLs that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group
13 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too"
5 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy
4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"
13 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs"
1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again.
ROFLOL
_____________________________
L-R: DD1, Ellies DS2, DD2, Ellies DS1
L-R: Ellies DD1, Ellies DD2, DS, Ellies DS3
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 10/2/2008 10:27:13 PM
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ta_mosquito
Posts: 11499
Joined: 3/31/2005
From: from MN, now in Ontario :D
Status: offline
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OHMYGOODNESS that's so hilarious (and true!)
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Tricia
"There's a fine line between being open-minded and empty-headed." ~Michael Coren
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 10/2/2008 11:36:37 PM
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BugLady
Posts: 2461
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline
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Children's Bible in a Nutshell
In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says, 'The Lord thy God is one, but I think He must be a lot older than that. Anyway, God said, 'Give me a light!' and someone did. Then God made the world.
He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been invented yet. Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Eden. Not sure what they were driven in though, because they didn't have cars.
Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was Abel. Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something.
One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but one of his kids was kind of a Ham. Noah built a large boat and put his family and some animals on it. He asked some other people to join him, but they said they would have to take a rain check.
After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some pot roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat. Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was Charlton Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh's people. These plagues included frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable. God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti. Then he gave them His Top Ten Commandments. These include don't lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your neighbor's stuff. Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more: Humor thy father and thy mother.
One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua who was the first Bible guy to use spies. Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and the fence fell over on the town. After Joshua came David. He got to be king by killing a giant with a slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500 porcupines. My teacher says he was wise, but that doesn't sound very wise to me. After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets. One of these was Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and then barfed upon the shore. There were also some minor league prophets, but I guess we don't have to worry about them.
After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of the New Testament. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn. (I wish I had been born in a barn, too, because my mom is always saying to me, 'Close the door! Were you born in a barn?' It would be nice to say, 'As a matter of fact, I was. During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the Pharisees and the Republicans. Jesus also had twelve opossums. The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they named a terrible vegetable after him. Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even preached to some Germans on the Mount. But the Republicans and all those guys put Jesus on trial before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up for Jesus. He just washed his hands instead.
Any way's, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again. He went up to Heaven but will be back at the end of the Aluminum. His return is foretold in the book of Revolution..
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Importing foreign convicts; separate prosecution and penalty for each person imported.
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 10/2/2008 11:37:33 PM
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Prairiehiker
Posts: 2532
Joined: 12/11/2007
From: The little house in the prairie
Status: offline
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Hey, Buglady, I've been thinking about you! HOw you been? It's been a long time we haven't seen you around. Nice to see you back...
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O Lord my God, When I in awesome wonder,
Consider all the worlds Thy Hands have made;
Then sings my soul, my Saviour God to Thee
How great Thou art, How great Thou art.
<<<dogsledding at the Canadian Rockies
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 10/3/2008 5:41:36 AM
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mutinywxgirl
Posts: 12854
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: west coast of FL
Status: offline
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Buglady is NOT a joke! 
_____________________________
When blood and water hit the ground.
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down.
We were free and made alive.
The day true love died. The day true love died.
Lisa is happy THE ROWDIES ARE BACK!
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 10/3/2008 5:43:26 AM
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mutinywxgirl
Posts: 12854
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: west coast of FL
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: zoebob
quote:
ORIGINAL: 9drtr
I found this on another forum and thought you'd enjoy it.
Today, at thefantasyforum.com, Alchemist posted:
How many forum members does it take to change a light bulb....
1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs
1 to move it to the Lighting section
2 to argue then move it to the Electronics section
7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs
5 to flame the spell checkers
3 to correct spelling/grammar flames
6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ... another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid
2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"
15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct
19 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum
11 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum
36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty
7 to post URLs where one can see examples of different light bulbs
4 to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URLs
3 to post about links they found from the URLs that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group
13 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too"
5 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy
4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"
13 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs"
1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again.
ROFLOL
Agreed! Edwin, that is one of the funniest, and MOST appropriate things I've ever seen around here! THANK YOU!!!!!!!
< Message edited by mutinywxgirl -- 10/3/2008 1:59:23 PM >
_____________________________
When blood and water hit the ground.
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down.
We were free and made alive.
The day true love died. The day true love died.
Lisa is happy THE ROWDIES ARE BACK!
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 10/3/2008 1:56:13 PM
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John_O
Posts: 8028
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: 9drtr
I found this on another forum and thought you'd enjoy it.
Today, at thefantasyforum.com, Alchemist posted:
How many forum members does it take to change a light bulb....
...
2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"
...
Reporting for duty. The correct term is "Lamp"
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 10/3/2008 2:00:39 PM
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John_O
Posts: 8028
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: online
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Everyone knows that I am a huge proponent of marriage, but some of these are just too funny (or too true). Highlighted a few I especially liked
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. (Rita Rudner)
I married Mr. Right. I just didn't know his first name was Always.
Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they're too old to do it. (Ann Bancroft)
When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other replied, "Yes, I am, I married the wrong man."
“Getting married for sex is like buying a 747 for the free peanuts” -Jeff Foxworthy
"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury." -Groucho Marx
“The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.” -H.V. Prochnow
“I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. First, let her think she's having her own way. And second, let her have it.” -Lyndon B. Johnson
"A man's wife has more power over him than the state has." -Ralph Waldo Emerson
“My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.” -Rodney Dangerfield
“Getting married is a lot like getting into a tub of hot water. After you get used to it, it ain't so hot.” -Minnie Pearl
"Behind every great man there is a surprised woman." -Maryon Pearson
“They say love is blind...and marriage is an institution. Well, I'm not ready for an institution for the blind just yet.” -Mae West
“Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't they'd be married too.” -H.L. Mencken
"A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished." -Zsa Zsa Gabor
"I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her." -Rodney Dangerfield
“No married man is genuinely happy if he has to drink worse whisky than he used to drink when he was single.” -H.L. Mencken
“A wedding is just like a funeral except that you get to smell your own flowers.” -Grace Hansen
“If nature had arranged that husbands and wives should have children alternatively, there would never be more than three in a family.” -Lawrence Housman
“Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits and then complain that he's not the man she married?” -Barbra Streisand
“My mother once told me that if a married couple puts a penny in a pot for every time they make love in the first year, and takes a penny out every time after that, they'll never get all the pennies out of the pot.” -Armistead Maupin
"Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery." -Erma Bombeck
“I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married.” -Lewis Grizzard
"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage." -James Holt McGavran
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 10/3/2008 2:02:41 PM
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John_O
Posts: 8028
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: online
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quote:
Original: Prairiehiker
.....the joy of playing with autumn leaves......
This happens whenever my daughter beats me at a game. 
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 10/3/2008 2:04:58 PM
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John_O
Posts: 8028
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: online
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Q:How many congressmen does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, they just pass a law against burned out bulbs and
then walk away wondering how come its still dark.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 10/3/2008 6:56:26 PM
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9drtr
Posts: 1657
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Toronto the Good
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: kj88il
quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
quote:
ORIGINAL: 9drtr
I found this on another forum and thought you'd enjoy it.
Today, at thefantasyforum.com, Alchemist posted:
How many forum members does it take to change a light bulb....
...
2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"
...
Reporting for duty. The correct term is "Lamp"
after 3 mos temping at an electrical company...i can second that! 
Well, I spent six weeks working for a light fixture manufacturer, and the only thing I recall about terminology is that we couldn't let the boss know we called him "Happy Harry" behind his back.
_____________________________
Edwin
When we know who is coming, how can we worry about what is coming? When the last hour belongs to us, how can we worry about the next minute?
Ross Crighton
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 10/10/2008 9:01:59 AM
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FunBetty
Posts: 7171
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Dr Pepper Country
Status: online
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The other day I said this in another thread and I thought it beared repeating in its rightful place:
I'm feeling margarineflies.
I know what you're thinking.
I can't believe it's not butter, either!
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Fun Betty's Therapy Centre and Cheesecake and Cookie Shoppe
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