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Seperate, Divorce, or work it out? - 10/21/2008 12:14:19 PM
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fjones214
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Joined: 10/21/2008
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My husband and I have been married almost 5 years and it seems as though the arguments have gotten worse and not better. We constantly argue about money and the kids (we each had one child before we got married). We both take the conversations about the kids as personal attacks and those conversations turn into a argument that turns into silent treatment until I decide to apologize to him. I'm always the one that apologizes regardless if I feel guilty or not. My husband decided that he wanted to go back to school when our finances were already struggling. He took a $4 an hour pay cut when he started school which I didn't feel helped the situation any. Being the wife that I am I agreed to him going to school to keep down and resentment later and me taking on a second job to make ends meet. He complains about everything I do. Disciplining the kids, cooking, cleaning, being affectionate....everything. He usually at home because he works at home and I feel as though he should bare most of the burden as far as household chores are concerned. I am really tired of the crictism and have went so far as to asking my parents could I come and live with them. I have even checked on the prices of apartments in area. I want to work it out with my husband but, it seems as though the changes that I'm making has been in vain. I am really at my wits end here. I have one foot out the door and one foot in. I'm tired of crying and my knees are raw from praying as hard as I can.
Does anyone feel like this? What else is there to do....seperate, divorce, or try to work it out?
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RE: Seperate, Divorce, or work it out? - 10/21/2008 1:21:08 PM
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deermousie
Posts: 1946
Joined: 9/26/2007
Status: online
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Bless your heart, Fjones214. You are in an uncomfortable place.
The Bible says adultery is grounds for divorce. What you guys are doing is escalating being offended and selfish. So stop it. If he won't, then you do it alone. Neither of you is guiltless here, and some good counseling so you both see your sin and repent of it could cause a major improvement in your marriage and completely turn it around.
You're biting each other and each trying to bite harder. Just stop it.
Confess to your husband that you've been negative and unhelpful and resentful. Tell him you're going to try to stop doing that, but to sacrifice for his benefit. Then do it.
He might or might not reciprocate. You can't make him do anything, you can only choose how you'll act. So choose well, and be like Jesus: He gave up heaven, became a Man and died naked on a painful cross for people who didn't get it. But after a while some did, and the door is open now to our generation and our children's generation. So start the self-sacrifice, and pray that God will bless it and turn your husband around as well. It's an act of love and is spiritual battle:
For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ
2 Corinthians 10:3-5
Take up the "sword" God has given you (doesn't God do things the opposite of what we'd think would work?) and battle in His way. I am praying for you, Christian - victory will be yours! (((Hugs)))
_____________________________
Want to know where a certain word or phrase in the Bible is found? www.biblegateway.com Yay!
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RE: Seperate, Divorce, or work it out? - 10/21/2008 1:35:10 PM
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hotsaucygma
Posts: 3104
Joined: 4/12/2005
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I would also say some really good family counseling might help, that includes the kids as well as you and hubby. Blending 2 lives into one marriage can be difficult, blending them and children into one family is even harder, they need to be on board too. How old are they?
_____________________________
Dear Lord, let my words today be as sweet and delicious as cheesecake... for tomorrow I may have to eat them!
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RE: Seperate, Divorce, or work it out? - 10/21/2008 1:38:07 PM
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MC4JC
Posts: 201
Joined: 7/6/2008
From: Minnesota
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I don't see any reason why divorce should be considered. Good Christian family counseling is a must! You guys have a lot of issues to work out and get on the same page.
Its possible to save the marriage but you both have to want to save it. If only one is working at changes, its not gonna work out. Take it a step (one issue) at a time and work them out together.
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RE: Seperate, Divorce, or work it out? - 10/21/2008 3:03:10 PM
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eaglesfeather
Posts: 193
Joined: 5/17/2005
From: Michigan
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All good things come from nothing so maybe a fresh start would be good.
I agree with the others on counseling. I also think that moving in with family members for a week would be good and give him time to accept the reality of how important his marriage is. Some will critisize me for that, but I think beating the statistic takes more than the world view of what should be done.
Good luck and God bless!
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RE: Seperate, Divorce, or work it out? - 10/22/2008 12:23:17 AM
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karlie
Posts: 16429
Joined: 4/10/2005
From: Central California
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Attention: Moderator's Note:
Just a reminder that the divorce debate has to be taken to the One Stop thread, linked below. You can discuss the OP's problem and offer advice and encoragement, but any discussion of divorce(pro or con) must go to the One Stop thread. Thanks!
Divorce-One Stop Thread
Please do not reply to this message within the Community, or send me PMs regarding this.
Please email Community@salemwebnetwork.com with questions, comments, or concerns.
Sincerely,
Karlie
Forums Moderator
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You can't stop the waves, but you can learn how to surf~
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RE: Seperate, Divorce, or work it out? - 10/22/2008 9:10:05 AM
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ajmerc
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Joined: 9/28/2008
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I'm so sorry Fjones214. It sounds to me you're emotionally, mentally and physically exhausted. I could relate with you and your experience. I didn't divorce my husband but I let him know what I felt. When he refused to listen, or he didn't like what I said, I tried to keep my peace by surrounding myself with strong believers. I actually would take a time out to nourish myself by spending time with God, setting time for myself such as doing the things I like, and spending time with positive, godly women friends. I read books and the bible, and really get in the Word to replace the bad thoughts and bad words spoken against me. You need to see it as spiritual battle and position yourself according to the Word. I believe we only need to do what we can and say no to the things that may cause you to feel overloaded. I've learned to balance my life simply by saying no to other commitments, so I can focus on my priorities instead. I'm learning to depend and trust God in everything that I need, even down to my emotions. What people may lack to give us, God can provide. I'll pray for you, your husband and your family. Stay in the Word and take a time out and spend it with God. God bless you. You're a child of the Most High. Don't let anyone make you think otherwise.
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