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You said it's a ministry situation but, if it were a regular secular job, I'd seriously be looking for a new job (and anticipating the exit interview!).

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ORIGINAL: buckifn

Maybe the reason you aren't finding reassurance and comfort from God is because you have decided to go along with stuff God hates?

• We've got a lot of young people in our office; many are hired straight out of college. With limited experience dealing with workplace conflicts, people talk to their friends.
  
• A lot of our people knew each other before they started working together, and they socialize outside of work (ie, attend the same church, etc). I was hired from the outside and knew no one. It was hard to break into their circles of friends. Plus, if I did something to annoy one coworker, she was likely to tell her friends, alienating me from the group.
  
• The vast majority of our support staff are women. I think the tendency to drama would be curbed a bit if there were fewer women involved, as so many of our female employees seem to get their feelings hurt easily, and they then gossip about it to get some sympathy.
  

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ORIGINAL: stimulus

I work at the headquarters of a small denomination, and one of my biggest complaints about working there has been the gossiping that goes on. Over time, I've gotten involved in it too, which I need to stop.

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ORIGINAL: stimulus

The vast majority of our support staff are women. I think the tendency to drama would be curbed a bit if there were fewer women involved, as so many of our female employees seem to get their feelings hurt easily, and they then gossip about it to get some sympathy.


I know my comments about inexperienced workers and women might not go over well. But I am a relatively inexperienced worker and a woman myself. I've never been one to buy into gender stereotypes, but I do think these days that they help explain so of my office's tendencies.

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ORIGINAL: leebug1998

First of all, I would love prayer. I need it because I can't seem to find the comfort and reassurance from God, even when I read His word pertaining to the topics of rejection and weakness.

I would also love some wisdom. I work for a ministry and the issue of rejection has reared its ugly head this past week. I was the only one in our office not invited to a social event outside of work. (It is a very "family" environment, so it's not like a normal corporate workplace where you don't know you're co-workers families well and might tend not to socialize with them.) 5 of us work in the office together every day, 2 of them are related to the person the party was for and 2 of them worked with her before she quit the position I now have. (I know her/am friendly with her.) The same thing happened a couple of years ago for another social event, a few months after I started. They also all do Thanksgiving together each year.

I don't expect to be invited to everyone's personal stuff, but I'm one of those people who would invite someone because I wouldn't want them to be the only person left out.

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When I first started there I noticed a habit of talking about other people, even those in the ministry, mocking them in some ways and and talking about their shortcomings with each other. When I first started, I called a couple of people on it, hopefully not in a judgemental way, but I simply shared how damaging it can be, using an example of a time when I really messed up in the same area. Unfortunately, almost as a way to feel accepted (not justifying it by any means), I started to follow suit. It kind of ebbs and flows, and seems that one person or another can be the primary target of the negative talk during a certain period. I feel like it's "my turn" to be the not-liked one.

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Knowing that there is a habit of talking about people, even co-ministers in Christ, in a negative way, my mind is filled with thoughts of what they must be thinking and saying about me behind my back. This has been the thorn in my side all my life and it is so painful to have it consuming my work even here at this ministry.

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I feel like I can't really go to my boss and say, "They're not playing nice." So...how do I relate to people who I've been hurt by, who I work with each and every day? Do I try to ignore the obvious exclusion? Do I ask what I've done to be excluded?

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There are so many details I could not include, because my post is already way too long. I would normally talk to one of my closest friends about this, but she is also good friends with one of the people involved and would be put in the middle of the situation, and quite frankly, because of the history of negative talk, I assume she's already "in the know" and that hurts as well.

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Any wisdom would be a blessing. Thank you and God Bless You - and Happy Thanksgiving!

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ORIGINAL: Cloak
Well, it seems to me that you have missed the mark...the Bible says that "The righteous will be Persecuted." Like it or not what is happening to you is quite expected for someone in your place.

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ORIGINAL: Cloak
No matter what you call it "Ministry or otherwise", if I were you; I would start looking for a job somewhere else. This "so-called" Ministry is worse off than a secular office bc it is NOT acting in a Christian manner and the Bible asks us not to associate with folks who call themselves Christians and not act like it....

...Flee from that place! Start looking for another job is the best wisdom I can give to you. It is worse off than a secular workplace!

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Persecution from fellow believers in ministry together? I don't think so!!

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ORIGINAL: stimulus

Since I managed to get away with the stereotyping, let me add something else.

I don't think you should quit your job just because you dislike your coworkers. If it makes you miserable and you're already taking lower pay to work in the ministry, then okay, consider it. But there are a lot of pros and cons about every job, and I don't think leaving should be your first option.

For starters, I don't agree with the statement above that the Bible teaches we shouldn't associate with those who call themselves Christians but don't act like it, and thus, you should quit your job. What percentage of the people in this country claim to be Christians but don't act like it? I don't know that you can find employment anywhere but a church if fake Christians is a deal-breaker for you - and even then, you've got to associate with the fake Christians who attend every week.

Moreover, I believe the Bible passage that advice is based on is 1 Corinthians 5. Verse 11 tells us not to associate with "anyone who calls himself a brother but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or a slanderer, a drunkard or a swindler." That advice may be based on another passage of the Bible, but if not, I don't know if drama queens who gossip really qualify as the kind of sinful Christian we're supposed to avoid.

Finally, I think you need to reconsider what you think might be going on and what you know is going on. You weren't invited to a party, and you aren't included in their conversations. That's rude, but you are assuming that they talk badly about you behind your back. That may be true, but it may just all be in your head, too.

I think you might be a lot better off if you quit worrying about what they are thinking and saying and just do your job well. Be friendly, be outgoing, be helpful. Over time, you'll win people over. Our office has often suffered from the new person being the unliked one - they aren't smart, they are lazy, they don't know how to do XYW, they said blah-blah-blah when I only said blah-blah... but over time, all the employees have worked out and made friends.

I know you've been there a while, but maybe things will turn around again later. When you're getting along better with people, you can say how much this time hurt you.

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ORIGINAL: Cloak

The Bible states this very clearly: "But now I am writing you that you must Not associate with anyone who calls himself a brother but is sexually immoral, an idolater or a slanderer, a drunkard or a swindler. With such a man do not even eat. (1 Corinthians 5:11)

Sadly churches are filled with fake, phony and hypocrites who are only occupying space, wasting time, $ and efforts, that's why we have to be selective with our friends just bc we met them at church does not mean we should trust them right away.

Once again I stress I would flee from that place if it were me. Unless you feel that you are being light in that dark place and you are making a good influence on them; but if they remain the same...Start praying and apply for another place.

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I completely agree. What a horrible situation, but I think you'd be showing them the kind of person you really are by staying and setting an example.