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[Poll]
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Regarding BC, Is there a difference....
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| There is no difference because.... |
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| There is a difference because.... |
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| I'm not sure either |
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Total Votes : 14
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(last vote on : 10/18/2008 12:23:08 AM)
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Regarding BC, Is there a difference.... - 10/11/2008 10:10:27 PM
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sharonjef2007
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....between not using anything at all and just letting whatever happens happen and actively trying to have a baby?
My husband and I are at a place now where we are using no protection against pregnancy at all. And yet, we are not trying for a baby.
However, we talked about when we are going to start trying to get pregnant (if we ever do), and I got to thinking. When (if) that time comes, what will we do different? We are not actively preventing now. Is it just a mindset?
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RE: Regarding BC, Is there a difference.... - 10/12/2008 3:18:28 AM
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nevaehs_gaze
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I think there is a difference that is more the mindset, so when you are ready, you'll have the desire to conceive. When a couple says they are "actively ttc" they desire to have a child, verses someone who is not preventing, but not ttc, they may have no desire to conceive at all.
Just curious, are you aware of your fertility, and try to avoid conception more during that time, or it doesn't phase you either way?
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RE: Regarding BC, Is there a difference.... - 10/12/2008 7:55:44 AM
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Georgia-Peach
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We are at a place right now where we are not trying to conceive, but we are not preventing either. For me personally that means that we are intimate whenever one/both of us feels like it. If we happen to be intimate during my fertile time and pregnancy occurs than we will be very excited. If we are not pregnant by January than we are going to start officially trying. For me that means making sure we are intimate multiple times during my fertile period, possibly using ovulation tests, and just tracking my cycles.
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RE: Regarding BC, Is there a difference.... - 10/12/2008 8:30:47 PM
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sharonjef2007
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We both have always wanted to be parents. We both want to adopt at some point along the way. The place where we differ is that I do not want to be pregnant or give birth. He wants at least one biological child.
At this point, the only way we both are having peace over this is to pray to God and leave it up to Him. I really do believe that due to lots of issues on my part and a potential issue on his that my getting pregnant is a pretty low possibilty in the first place. In a way, I'm sort of banking on that stuff so that I don't get pregnant.
I still think pregnancy and birth are gross. I still think little babies are scarier then big men in alleys with guns who want to rape and murder you. But, I have also come to realize that when I ask God for something and fight Him on it, He usually gives me the opposite of what I pray for....ya know, trying to break me and such.
I can not drive myself crazy over the possiblity of pregnancy and I won't let it come between me and my husband and our relationship. And, I'm not going to spend another month like our first month of marriage where I spend half of my day pleading and praying and urging God to make sure my womb stays babyless. I just don't have the energy for it.
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RE: Regarding BC, Is there a difference.... - 10/13/2008 9:08:23 PM
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sharonjef2007
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Well....that is true. My feelings on pregnancy and such have not changed. I'm simply not going to get myself worked up about something that has not happened yet and may never happen. Ray's prayer is for me to get pregnant. My prayer is that we don't. But where we both come together is in the end of the prayers when we say, "but, not my will but thine."
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RE: Regarding BC, Is there a difference.... - 10/14/2008 12:07:36 AM
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Mrs.Wifey
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Hmm. We have always been either actively avoiding, using NFP and breaking the rules, or sort of TTC. Ha, it makes no sense, I know. The difference for me would just be a matter of temping and watching my fertile signs, but I honestly check my fertile signs even when we are actively avoiding AND I'm on hormonal birth control.
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RE: Regarding BC, Is there a difference.... - 10/14/2008 7:04:51 AM
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spitzu
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From someone who has gone from actively trying to not conceive, to letting whatever happens happen, to actively trying to conceive for years, to a place where none of it will ever matter... yes, there is a big difference, and for many people it's much more than just a mindset.
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RE: Regarding BC, Is there a difference.... - 10/14/2008 3:49:03 PM
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laughinggirl
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quote:
ORIGINAL: sharonjef2007
Well....that is true. My feelings on pregnancy and such have not changed. I'm simply not going to get myself worked up about something that has not happened yet and may never happen. Ray's prayer is for me to get pregnant. My prayer is that we don't. But where we both come together is in the end of the prayers when we say, "but, not my will but thine."
Wouldn't it be easier on you in this regard to just use a barrier method? Or are you at peace enough with it to not even worry about preventing at all?
In my own mind, when the day comes and we stop using prevention, then that means we are actively open to pregnancy and ready for it to happen. Since we're not quite ready for it (although if our prevention fails it wouldn't be the end of the world), we use prevention pretty much every time.
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RE: Regarding BC, Is there a difference.... - 10/15/2008 9:37:11 AM
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Mrs.Wifey
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All very true. But Endo does/can make it harder to get pregnant although very many women with it do eventually conceive.
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RE: Regarding BC, Is there a difference.... - 10/15/2008 7:31:11 PM
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sharonjef2007
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Even using condoms was driving both of us crazy. He is not a fan of them and I an neurotic about if it worked or not.
Honestly, we are both at peace about it now. But, Ray had said that he does not want to activly start trying to have kids for another few months. And yet, I still can't really figure out the real difference between the two...!
Oh well.....
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RE: Regarding BC, Is there a difference.... - 10/16/2008 9:28:50 AM
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pumpkin
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it sounds more like your ultimate question is what HE thinks the difference is, because for you... at least for now.... you view them the same. I suggest a conversation with your husband about what he feels the difference is.
By the way, my personal opinion is that there is definitely a difference.
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RE: Regarding BC, Is there a difference.... - 10/16/2008 7:34:41 PM
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sharonjef2007
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Trish...I think that is part of it. And reality is, the longer we wait the more likely it will be that Ray will be deployed for part of the pregnancy and child birth. Right now we have a 8 month window. And we are both aware that it could take a long time to get pregnant, no time at all or it may never happen.
We have pretty open communication and we talk about it pretty often. Maybe it does not really matter if we are considering it not protected or actively trying in the long run. We are both at peace and as far as we can tell, we are within God's wishes.
Really, I was just wanting to know everyone's opinion on it out of curiosity.
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RE: Regarding BC, Is there a difference.... - 10/17/2008 6:46:00 PM
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justjennhere
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I voted that there's a difference. When I was trying to conceive, we were planning intimacy around my cycle. I spent a lot of time concerned and rather stressed about whether or not we could conceive at all, and every month that yielded a negative pregnancy test was a disappointment. (I can't imagine that this would be true to the same extent as it would be for a woman who was "just letting things happen.")
My first daughter was conceived after seven months of actively trying. My second daughter was conceived after just ONE unprotected incident. DH's and my emotions and mindsets were very different up until the moment that we saw those positive pregnancy tests. Then, it was like we had been blessed with them just exactly the same way, and we were nothing but completely thrilled and joyful.
Just reading the other posters' comments, I have to commend you on your wonderful attitude. Decisions regarding children -- whether or not to have them, how many to have, when to have them -- are never easy when two people in a marriage have such differing opinions on the matter. Your willingness to, along with your husband, pray for God's will to be done in this, even as you're praying your hearts, is admirable. It convicts me to pray likewise, in more areas than just this! 
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RE: Regarding BC, Is there a difference.... - 10/19/2008 9:53:32 AM
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sharonjef2007
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Thanks justJenn! It has taken an act of God (literaly) to get me to this place. I guess we will just have to wait to see what happens next!
So, really there seems to be 3 different stages.
1. Actively preventing
2. Anything goes, no protection but not really trying either
3. Actively trying to get pregnant.
LOL....I'm so literal! I still don't see THAT much of a difference between the two. But in reality...I guess there is.
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RE: Regarding BC, Is there a difference.... - 10/19/2008 8:15:21 PM
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artemis
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quote:
ORIGINAL: sharonjef2007
So, really there seems to be 3 different stages.
1. Actively preventing
2. Anything goes, no protection but not really trying either
3. Actively trying to get pregnant.
Even then, there are different definitions of what "actively trying" means. For some people, it's just making sure they try every couple of days. For others, it's trying to time things a little better. For me, it was taking my temperature every day when I woke up, drinking grapefruit juice for breakfast, taking OPKs every afternoon, checking for cervical mucus throughout the day, changing my diet, obsessing over not ovulating and scouring the internet for ideas  I was getting ready to add robutussin and my doctor was talking about clomid when I finally got pregnant  I wouldn't expect everyone to be doing that when they say they're "trying," and I know there are plenty of couples who did/do a whole lot more.
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