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Non-Christian Dating a Christian - 11/22/2008 12:37:21 AM
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HaveAQuestion
Posts: 1
Joined: 11/22/2008
Status: offline
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I am looking for a Christian view on my relationship issues I mention below.
I'm not Christian, He is Christian. We are pretty committed and openly talk about marriage, children, and where we will end up. The only thing really stopping us is not living in the same city til we finish with University. We accept the different opinions we have on life, god, and stuff. He asked me what I think will happen when I die, and my straight out answer was 'I don't think about it because it is not a big deal to me'. If i died and that was that - the end of me, I accept it. And if something else were to happen, well then okay. He says it is very important to him on understanding what happens beyond death.
Sometimes I think about if he is right about god. The only thing that really bothers/scares me about being wrong is the thought that if we grew old together, and I died, was concious afterward, and judged and sent to hell (What i think is what christians believe will happen) I would be seperated from him. This scares me because we are long distance now and I don't deal well with the separation, it hurts physically and emotionally. So I imagine this is what it could feel like being separated from him after death if he's right. It makes me cry.
Also I asked him what the center of his universe was, and he said god. And I asked "what about me" and he called me a really big star. It also bothers me the fact that their could be anything more important to him then me, because to me he is the most important thing in my life - I feel a little hurt. And I still ask if me not being a christian is a problem because I am scarred one day it will become a problem and he will choose his god over me and leave me. This also makes me cry.
I want to talk to him about these fears I have, but I want to do it in person and not over the phone.... so that will be a couple of weeks when I'm visiting. Until then, I wanted to hear some opinions from christians about these issues.
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RE: Non-Christian Dating a Christian - 11/22/2008 1:48:30 AM
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levimichal
Posts: 51
Joined: 10/9/2008
From: Christiansted, Virgin Islands live in Minneapolis
Status: offline
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I am the kind of person who tells it straight like it is
1)First and foremost a Christian should not be with an unbeliever, because they will try to pull them from God.
2)Love is not the superficial ideas from the world. Love is patient, love is kind, love does not boast, love does not want its own way.
3)If you are feel sick and sad that he is gone now you might want to find a "counselor" or "psychiatrist" because you are over dependent on him.
4)You have set him up as your god. Glorifying a man and that is sad.
You said you would go to Hell and you would but you don't seem to know why it is because of the law. These are God's laws He is perfect and holy.
Love the Lord you God.
Do not worship an idol.
Do not use the name of God in vain.
Keep the Sabbath.
Honor your parents.
Do not murder.
Do not lust.
Do not lie.
Do not steal.
Do not want what is not yours.
Breaking one will give you eternal damnation, because God is Holy and He gave you life. He gave you the law inside to convict you of sin.
Yet God gave us a sacrifice for sin. Jesus Christ.
You care so much about eternity without him, when he is just a man. Seek God not him.
_____________________________
Levita Michal Ayala Goeloe
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RE: Non-Christian Dating a Christian - 11/22/2008 2:14:01 AM
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jaimestarcross
Posts: 763
Joined: 11/28/2005
Status: offline
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quote:
Sometimes I think about if he is right about god. The only thing that really bothers/scares me about being wrong is the thought that if we grew old together, and I died, was concious afterward, and judged and sent to hell (What i think is what christians believe will happen) I would be seperated from him. This scares me because we are long distance now and I don't deal well with the separation, it hurts physically and emotionally. So I imagine this is what it could feel like being separated from him after death if he's right. It makes me cry.
* The Bible states that hell is a place where there
is great wailing and gnashing of teeth because the body/soul is tormented by flames. It's not like being separated by miles from a loved one.
In hell there is no hope, no peace - you are separated from God forever.
Also I asked him what the center of his universe was, and he said god. And I asked "what about me" and he called me a really big star. It also bothers me the fact that their could be anything more important to him then me, because to me he is the most important thing in my life - I feel a little hurt. And I still ask if me not being a christian is a problem because I am scarred one day it will become a problem and he will choose his god over me and leave me. This also makes me cry.
*As much as he loves you - you aren't God.
You are loved - but it would be wrong for him to put you
in the number one position.
You love your boyfriend but your boyfriend is a human being
and should not be looked upon as the center of your universe -
what happens to your universe if he leaves you?
You do have a choice:
God is holy and just therefore He punishes sin. The Bible says: (Romans 6:23 NKJV) "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." Sin carries the death penalty. There are two kinds of death referred to in the Bible - physical death and eternal spiritual death. Eternal spiritual death means going into torment in Hell forever and ever, it means separation from God, from goodness, from truth, from sanity, from happiness and light. It is eternal torment. When we refuse to follow God and obey Him we are rebelling against our Creator and the Source of Life. If we rebel against the Creator it is us who lose. It is God who sustains us, not the other way around! When we tell the Source of Life to stay away from our life and not to interfere we are actually saying "don't supply me with life". To sin, to disobey God, is to attack ourselves in the long run. Its like speeding - fun until you have to stand before the Judge.Unfortunately the sentence for a life of sin is not a speeding ticket - it is eternal death.
How can I be saved?
(Romans 10:9-13 NKJV) that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. {10} For with the heart one believes unto righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation. {11} For the Scripture says, "Whoever believes on Him will not be put to shame." {12} For there is no distinction between Jew and Greek, for the same Lord over all is rich to all who call upon Him. {13} For "whoever calls on the name of the LORD shall be saved."
Example of a prayer for salvation:
Father God,
I recognize that in the past I have wanted to run my life in my own way.
I have sinned and not always lived up to your standards.
I am sorry and want to turn away from my old ways (take a moment to ask his forgiveness for anything that comes to mind).
Thank you that you sent Jesus to die on the cross for me, and that through his death and resurrection I can be forgiven and enter into a personal relationship with you.
Please come into my life through your Holy Spirit so that I can live with and for you from now on.
Amen
*If you make that decision for Christ -
Tell someone. { like, your boyfriend - perhaps he can recommend a good church for you to attend.}
Attend a good Bible teaching church.
Take part in a 'New Christians' course... ask the minister if there's a course
or Bible study group for new believers.
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RE: Non-Christian Dating a Christian - 11/22/2008 6:22:54 AM
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manda59
Posts: 6162
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
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So, when you get married, will it be in church? Will you attend church with him afterwards and get involved in church activities (Bible Studies, social events), or will he be attending on his own? If you have children, will they be raised in the Church, will you be happy to teach them about the Christian faith? If it's to be that your husband goes to church and church events and you don't, are you ok about the children going with him? What kind of church does he go to?
I've been married to my husband for coming up to 26 years; when we met, we both accepted that God is the centre of our individual universes, that He comes first in each of our lives, even before each other. That is "normal" for Christians. If you cannot accept that, then I can't see how you two will be able to be happy together in the future. If he starts compromising and putting God second because of you, he will be desperately unhappy and it will likely cause problems between you. But if he puts God first, you will be unhappy.
It sounds from what you say that you may well have issues of your own, perhaps you come from a difficult situation and that's why you have become so emotionally dependent on him, even from a long distance. If I am right (and of course I may not be!), it might be an idea for you to seek some counselling from a trained professional counsellor, to get help with your issues, so that you become more emotionally independent. This may help you to be more objective about your relationship with this guy.
_____________________________
"Manda is right"
mvic, January 2009
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RE: Non-Christian Dating a Christian - 11/22/2008 9:12:49 AM
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csl7037
Posts: 2062
Joined: 3/24/2008
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: levimichal
I am the kind of person who tells it straight like it is
1)First and foremost a Christian should not be with an unbeliever, because they will try to pull them from God.
2)Love is not the superficial ideas from the world. Love is patient, love is kind, love does not boast, love does not want its own way.
I want to add that, by this, levimichal means (because it's scriptural) that Christians are commanded not to be spiritually mismatched ("unequally yoked"). It's because this is dangerous and will only lead to problems - God's commands are for our good, not to hold pepole back or make them miserable. But when levimichal said "because they will try to pull them from God" it doesn't matter if that's what you would intend to do or not. God designed marriage as two people walking together with Him and both drawing each other closer to Him. Of course the world's counterfit looks nothing like that. But when we do this right, marriage is an amazing and exciting thing and God's blessing is like nothing else the world offers.
You obviously have some big questions - and they're good ones. Until you can talk to him more in person, of course we welcome your questions here, but I recommend a tremendous book called "The Case for Christ" (there are also DVDs).
Life makes marriage complicated enough, please don't get married unless and until you guys are on the same page spiritually. You're right to be concerned.
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RE: Non-Christian Dating a Christian - 11/22/2008 11:46:11 AM
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deermousie
Posts: 1942
Joined: 9/26/2007
Status: online
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Welcome to the forum, HaveAQuestion. I hope you are getting the information you wanted; it comes from kindly hearts. 
quote:
ORIGINAL: HaveAQuestion
We accept the different opinions we have on life, god, and stuff.
It's good you are thinking about this now. What often happens in your type of situation, although the people didn't want it to, the differences in worldview, once the children come, tear the relationship apart. It's important to become of one mind to protect the marriage.
quote:
He asked me what I think will happen when I die, and my straight out answer was 'I don't think about it because it is not a big deal to me'. If i died and that was that - the end of me, I accept it. And if something else were to happen, well then okay. He says it is very important to him on understanding what happens beyond death.
He is right - this is really important. When Jesus died on the cross 2000 years ago, He paid the price for sin for everyone, and He also made death die. Everyones' body will die, but we have a soul that now never dies, and the question is: where will that soul be after the body is gone? It can be with God and the people who believed in Him ("Enter into the joy of My Kingdom" - God's home is characterized by joy. Awesome!) or forever separated from God and from all the God things that come from God: love, kindness, joy, light, etc. Your boyfriend is looking out for you on this. You can be with him forever as a Christian, or forever separated from anything good. He is right to be concerned about you, and it shows his caring for you.
quote:
Sometimes I think about if he is right about god. The only thing that really bothers/scares me about being wrong is the thought that if we grew old together, and I died, was concious afterward, and judged and sent to hell (What i think is what christians believe will happen) I would be seperated from him. This scares me because we are long distance now and I don't deal well with the separation, it hurts physically and emotionally. So I imagine this is what it could feel like being separated from him after death if he's right. It makes me cry.
I'm guessing it makes him cry, too. May I recommend you get a Bible (borrow his if you want) that's easy to read (I like the New International Version - it's in modern language) and start reading towards the back, the book of John (Not First John). God's universe is a moral/legal one, and the book of Romans has all the teaching a person needs to understand what God is doing and what it means to you. If you read those two books I think you'll have enough information to decide what to do.
quote:
Also I asked him what the center of his universe was, and he said god. And I asked "what about me" and he called me a really big star. It also bothers me the fact that their could be anything more important to him then me, because to me he is the most important thing in my life - I feel a little hurt. And I still ask if me not being a christian is a problem because I am scarred one day it will become a problem and he will choose his god over me and leave me. This also makes me cry.
This actually is really good news. Life is hard and people aren't perfect. When a man is having trouble loving his wife because of pressures and weaknesses, his relationship with God will point him back to his wife. He is commanded to love her! It's his joyful duty to do right by her, and God will get on his case if he doesn't do that. What could be better? The God of love protects and helps marriages. Yay!
quote:
I want to talk to him about these fears I have, but I want to do it in person and not over the phone.... so that will be a couple of weeks when I'm visiting. Until then, I wanted to hear some opinions from christians about these issues.
I think you are wise. If God is real and loving and involved in people's lives (and I bet my life He is) then you have a wonderful door in front of you. He says He is God, He is good, and the death of Jesus the Son of God paid for your imperfections and declares you "not guilty" in God's court, even though you are guilty. It's a legal declaration! If you come to believe that (and you'll know because it will change your life, and suddenly you'll want to find out about God and your heart will surrender into His care) then you not only will get to live forever with a God who loves you and people who love Him and will love you, but you have the potential makings of an excellent marriage that can stand in hard times and keep loving through the years (so be sure to say "Thank You" - He hears and rejoices).
I hope this has helped. God bless you!
_____________________________
Want to know where a certain word or phrase in the Bible is found? www.biblegateway.com Yay!
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RE: Non-Christian Dating a Christian - 11/24/2008 12:41:39 PM
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virgofrom1966
Posts: 16
Joined: 11/24/2008
Status: offline
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New question, I would like opinions on someone who claims to be a christian their whole life, but got involved in a relationship with a non-christian, had unmarried sex for 3 years, then decided to become a "real christian" and cut off their partner from sex after over 3 years. Now they expect their non-christian partner to just be Okay with their decision and jump on the bandwagon. Ready, set, go . . .
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RE: Non-Christian Dating a Christian - 11/24/2008 1:58:31 PM
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deermousie
Posts: 1942
Joined: 9/26/2007
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: virgofrom1966
New question, I would like opinions on someone who claims to be a christian their whole life, but got involved in a relationship with a non-christian, had unmarried sex for 3 years, then decided to become a "real christian" and cut off their partner from sex after over 3 years. Now they expect their non-christian partner to just be Okay with their decision and jump on the bandwagon. Ready, set, go . . .
You'll want to start your own thread then, and we'll respond. See ya there!
_____________________________
Want to know where a certain word or phrase in the Bible is found? www.biblegateway.com Yay!
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RE: Non-Christian Dating a Christian - 11/24/2008 2:50:52 PM
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ta_mosquito
Posts: 11436
Joined: 3/31/2005
From: from MN, now in Ontario :D
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: virgofrom1966
New question, I would like opinions on someone who claims to be a christian their whole life, but got involved in a relationship with a non-christian, had unmarried sex for 3 years, then decided to become a "real christian" and cut off their partner from sex after over 3 years. Now they expect their non-christian partner to just be Okay with their decision and jump on the bandwagon. Ready, set, go . . .
To all: Continue this quoted conversation HERE. Thanks for starting a new thread for it!
Thanks!
Tricia
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