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New here and Need Help - 10/22/2008 3:59:51 PM
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lostmommyof1
Posts: 3
Joined: 10/22/2008
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Hi I would like to introduce myself...I am a mother of 1 teenage boy who will be 15 years old on Christmas day....I have not been allowed to be a part of my sons life for the last 7 years...(lots of court battles, appeals etc) Dad has finally decided to obey court orders and let my son call me..we have been talking now for over a week, we email and we text...It has been great...He opens up to me he says he is super excited about coming to see me!! Like we never missed a beat in each others lives!!
Now here is the problem and I am very embarrassed to admit it or even talk about it.. BUT I need help with this and I need to know if these are normal thoughts that a child may have..
My son asked me the other night on text what I thought about incest...I told him it was disgusting and no I did not agree with it...he asked me why....I really couldn't answer the question because it caught me completely off guard and I was wondering why in the world he was asking me this...I asked him his view on the subject and he sd he thinks its ok...WOW...DO WHAT????? ok so he goes on to tell me that he dreams of me and him taking showers together and that he can see my curves etc...I told him we have not taken a shower together since he was two and there was no way he could remember that...
So this is the break down...I talked to him again last night about the subject because I had visited with a local preacher...I told my son that not only is it against the law but it was unlawful and sinful in Christs eyes...I read the scriptures from Leviticus Chapter 18....I told my son that I was happy that he felt like he could come to me and open up to me like that and that I hope that he and I can always have that kind of relationship.....
He never uttered a word...I know he was listening but he had nothing to say....I felt like well at least he knows where I stand on this subject and let that be that...Last night he text me asking if we were going to be taken a shower again when he got here to visit.....I told him no and that we were not going to have this discussion again...he did not text me anymore!! Where do I go from here...I will NOT talk to his dad about it, as his dad will damn him and possibly ship him off somewhere....
Any help would be great....I know this is not normal, but I also don't want to point the finger and say my kid is sick....He has not seen me in 7 years so he can't possibly imagine what he thinks he remembers...
Thanks so much for listening
Lostmommy
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RE: New here and Need Help - 10/22/2008 4:44:40 PM
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stellaluna
Posts: 4406
Joined: 4/11/2005
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I believe your son needs psychological help. And for the time being, I would not allow him to visit you. I know you are probably very anxious to see him, but this is a serious thing that needs to be dealt with.
_____________________________
Who should be allowed to attend church?
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RE: New here and Need Help - 10/22/2008 5:12:56 PM
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lostmommyof1
Posts: 3
Joined: 10/22/2008
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Stellaluna,
I see where your coming from and yes I am anxious to see him...I do believe that something needs to be done BUT I will not sacrafice him seeing me..I think if I can get him here and get us into councling away from his dad, that maybe some deeper things will come out....
Elastic,
Your right...I know kids pick up on everything said, but it does make me wonder what is being talked about with him or around him...
See my son lives in a different state and about 600 miles away...I will get to see him with a phycatrist but I have decided NOT to say anything about it to him...I would like to take him to one here where I am away from his father!!!
Thank you both very much for your input...It is needed and appreciated
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RE: New here and Need Help - 10/22/2008 5:20:21 PM
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clag4christ
Posts: 2631
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: We just moved to the big state of Texas!
Status: offline
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Why have you been out of your son's life for the last 7 years (since he was 8)? Has he been molested?
quote:
Part of me wonders if it is possible that your ex could be sending you the texts, pretending to be your son, so that you would think he's a perv, and not want to spend time with him....
That would explain the texts but not the phone conversations with her. Those weren't her ex-husband.
< Message edited by clag4christ -- 10/22/2008 5:51:11 PM >
_____________________________
<-----Jael as Tinkerbell - Halloween 2008
If you don't want people to insult your intelligence; don't make it so obvious that you have none.
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RE: New here and Need Help - 10/22/2008 6:51:58 PM
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deedeeowens
Posts: 89
Joined: 6/10/2008
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I agree with Stellaluna. I would hold off on the visit, or at least set up a situation where you will not be alone with him. You don't know how strong a boy that is nearly 15 might be, or what he might be capable of doing, or what he might accuse you of doing. This is a very risky situation for you.
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RE: New here and Need Help - 10/22/2008 8:57:06 PM
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pbaribeault
Posts: 1097
Joined: 4/29/2005
Status: offline
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If he visits, he needs to sleep (and shower) in his own motel room. You can see him in the daytime.
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RE: New here and Need Help - 10/22/2008 10:00:51 PM
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reach
Posts: 1353
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline
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It feels weird to me. I think that someone might be sending the text messages too.
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RE: New here and Need Help - 10/23/2008 1:28:45 PM
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lostmommyof1
Posts: 3
Joined: 10/22/2008
Status: offline
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Clag....
The father has kept me out of his life since 2001 because I didn't pay child support..he was trying to terminate my parental rights based on abandoment (Not paying child support) I had won the case and they appealed it 3 times....Last time being in 2007...After the last appeal was denied I immediately filled contempt on the father...Then wammmm out of the blue I start getting emails, pictures, phone calls, text....
So I guess dad doesn't want to go to jail so he has decided to play right...I have been faithfully with out missing 1 payment paying child support for the last 3 years....It gets taken directly out of my check!!
SOOOOO My son will not talk to me about it over the phone...NOthing...but as soon as we hang up about 30 mins later the text start....He hasn't said anything else since night before last...Last night we were talking about me being out of his life and how much I loved him and he asked me "Even though I have those dreams." Of course I still love you no matter what....That was all that was said about it...he just sd thank you and he loved me too....
Again I appreciate everyones responses as I learns something from everything you all tell me...I am so glad I found this website...what a blessing!!!
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RE: New here and Need Help - 10/24/2008 2:30:03 PM
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Auben
Posts: 1605
Joined: 4/13/2005
From: Where pines tower and cranberries float
Status: offline
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Considering that he loves you, and has probably had to sublimate that love for a long time, he's hormonal, he's trying to understand his feelings as someone who hasn't had maternal love (he only feels a strong feeling for you, a woman, he may not understand that it can mean something non-sexual) this isn't all that strange.
I do think that the visit where he stays with you should be put on hold. I think you should have day visits for awhile. During that time attend counseling together and separately so he can learn the proper place you have in his heart.
If you go straight from nothing to living together you could be putting yourself in a bad position. Not that I'm saying your son would do anything bad, BUT how easily could his Dad see or hear a scrap of what has been said to you? If that gets before the court you are messed up for sure. Better to take everything slowly and pray that once your son is actually with you for a little while he will pull out of fantasy mode.
_____________________________
Tamara
~Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time~
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