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My Husband - 10/29/2008 10:43:59 PM
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BeeLuvsAva
Posts: 1237
Joined: 10/23/2008
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Ok so I have been praying a lot lately for my husbands eyes to be open, so that possible maybe me and him can work some things out, and we can have the family that we had planned to have, and he can get to know his daughter. Well today I got a phone call from him, the first one since our daughter has been born, and he wants to take her for a week to his mothers, well she is only 2 weeks old, and I don't really know about that, I know he his her father, and he is my husband, I mean I was married to him for 4 years before he left. But I just don't know, I have been praying a lot about it, but I would also love to get some advice, and possible if you ladies could pray for our family.
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RE: My Husband - 10/29/2008 10:58:14 PM
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manda59
Posts: 6162
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From: Hampshire, UK
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Are you breastfeeding her or bottlefeeding her?
Either way, I personally feel that at two weeks old she is too young to be away from her mom. If he wants to visit, if his mom wants to visit, let them visit at your place. She doesn't have to go there for them to be able to see her.
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"Manda is right"
mvic, January 2009
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RE: My Husband - 10/29/2008 11:04:05 PM
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Mrs.Wifey
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From: The Gorgeous plains of Colorado
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Well, not only is she to young but I would be worried about the possible legal ramifications of allowing her father to have her for a week when she is only 2 weeks old. It could *possibly* be construed as abandonment.
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RE: My Husband - 10/29/2008 11:04:18 PM
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MrsTracy72
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Where is your husband that he is calling you to take your daughter? Are you separated? I wouldn't let my two week old child go for a long visit, and why can't you go with?
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RE: My Husband - 10/29/2008 11:08:26 PM
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manda59
Posts: 6162
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From: Hampshire, UK
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quote:
ORIGINAL: MrsTracy72
Where is your husband that he is calling you to take your daughter? Are you separated? I wouldn't let my two week old child go for a long visit, and why can't you go with?
MrsTracy
This is what the OP posted elsewhere:
quote:
Well my Name is Bethany, I am new to this site, and I am also a new mother, I just had a baby girl Ava Elizabeth about 1 week and 3 days ago, I love her very much! Me and my husband had together decided that we would start a family. Although when we did find out I was pregnant, I was overjoyed, but my Husband started to realize he was not ready for a family yet. After so many arguments, he decided that he was going to leave me when I was just 3 months along. I am finding it very difficult to raise my beautiful baby girl on my own, and I am finding that I am depressed a lot, I really need prayer and hopefully some advice
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"Manda is right"
mvic, January 2009
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RE: My Husband - 10/29/2008 11:15:11 PM
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myka
Posts: 814
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I'm praying for you all.
I don't think that your husband has proved himself to be trustworthy, yet, so I wouldn't let the baby go with him, especially if she is nursing.
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RE: My Husband - 10/29/2008 11:23:34 PM
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crankius
Posts: 4478
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I read your other thread. I do so hope you will find a good church! Do you have any friends/family supporting you right now?
_____________________________
Do not be overly righteous, Nor be overly wise: Why should you destroy yourself?
Ecclesiastes 7:16
SYSTEMATIC THEOLOGY
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RE: My Husband - 10/30/2008 7:26:46 AM
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Sideways
Posts: 3939
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Mrs.Wifey
Well, not only is she to young but I would be worried about the possible legal ramifications of allowing her father to have her for a week when she is only 2 weeks old. It could *possibly* be construed as abandonment.
I agree absolutely. Taking her away for a week is a really bad idea. I wonder if he's almost sure you will refuse, though, and somehow try to use that against you.
I know you are open to reconciling, but you may want to seek legal council on this matter. In fact, you absolutely will want legal advice. I hope it doesn't, but this could get really ugly, and you need a professional legal mind on your side, not just us ladies on a website.
Don't let her out of your site, even for a short while at this point.
_____________________________
This warranty does not include shark bites, bear attacks and children under five.
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RE: My Husband - 10/30/2008 8:03:31 AM
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Georgia-Peach
Posts: 1762
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Do not let him take her whatsoever. Reading your post I got an uneasy feeling in my spirit truthfully. Like the other ladies have stated there could possibly be some legal issues from this. You can give him another alternative like you can go with him to visit his mother or his mother can come visit the baby, but that at 2 weeks old she will not be leaving your presence whatsoever.
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Chelle
A Mother holds her child's hand for a moment, but holds their heart forever.
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RE: My Husband - 10/30/2008 9:18:59 AM
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echunt
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Run do not walk to an Attorney! You need to file a legal seperation petition. This in no way stops you from reconcilling the marriage. It simply gives you legal custody and also makes him step up as a father as far as helping with support etc...
At this point if he is named as the father on her Birth Certificate he has every legal right to take her, for as long as he wants. Without any legal documentation stating otherwise he has as much right to have her as you (in the eyes of the law).
I am with the others on the "uneasy feeling". He is up to something and you need to make sure you protect yourself and your child.
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RE: My Husband - 10/30/2008 4:51:44 PM
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BeeLuvsAva
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Thank you for the advice, today in my free-time I was calling some attorneys. I had a very uneasy feeling about letting her go too, I called him today and I told him that if him and his mom wanted to come and see her they would have to fly over here and stay, but I wouldn't let her go, I don't want any issues, and I would worry about her the entire time. He was mad at first but I think he might really come and see her by himself. I am praying for the best to come out of all this.
I went to a church on Sunday and I enjoyed it a lot! I was worried at first because it was just me and the baby, but God works in mysterious ways, I had a bunch of ladies offer to help me, and also they let me know about a Women's bible study every Thursday morning. I am very excited about this, I have really been yearning for some christian fellowship, and everyone is so kind.
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RE: My Husband - 10/30/2008 11:15:14 PM
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crankius
Posts: 4478
Joined: 4/12/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: BeeLuvsAva
Thank you for the advice, today in my free-time I was calling some attorneys. I had a very uneasy feeling about letting her go too, I called him today and I told him that if him and his mom wanted to come and see her they would have to fly over here and stay, but I wouldn't let her go, I don't want any issues, and I would worry about her the entire time. He was mad at first but I think he might really come and see her by himself. I am praying for the best to come out of all this.
I went to a church on Sunday and I enjoyed it a lot! I was worried at first because it was just me and the baby, but God works in mysterious ways, I had a bunch of ladies offer to help me, and also they let me know about a Women's bible study every Thursday morning. I am very excited about this, I have really been yearning for some christian fellowship, and everyone is so kind.
Oh, in my church we would have crowded around you like bees on honey.  I'm very glad the church experience was positive.
And good for you for standing up to your husband about your newborn. Goodness, she's still a precious newborn! You follow your mom instincts on this. 
I pray you are able to find a good, wise attorney. I'm sure there is at least one. Ha!
(I'm glad our online wise attorney friend Mr. Kerrlaw doesn't hang out in the women's only threads. )
_____________________________
Do not be overly righteous, Nor be overly wise: Why should you destroy yourself?
Ecclesiastes 7:16
SYSTEMATIC THEOLOGY
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RE: My Husband - 10/31/2008 12:15:07 AM
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MrsTracy72
Posts: 2058
Joined: 2/28/2007
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quote:
ORIGINAL: echunt
Run do not walk to an Attorney! You need to file a legal seperation petition. This in no way stops you from reconcilling the marriage. It simply gives you legal custody and also makes him step up as a father as far as helping with support etc...
At this point if he is named as the father on her Birth Certificate he has every legal right to take her, for as long as he wants. Without any legal documentation stating otherwise he has as much right to have her as you (in the eyes of the law).
I am with the others on the "uneasy feeling". He is up to something and you need to make sure you protect yourself and your child.
Yep. When my husband decided to leave our marriage, I spoke to an officer who told me that if we were not legally separated or divorced with a parenting plan in place, basically, whichever parent has the child is under no obligation to give the child back. That is how it is here and I am sure that is how it is in most places because parents have equal rights unless there is a court order in place. You can file for a separation or even an abandonment just to have something there that says, the child is to be with you, but at the same time, your baby is too little to go without mommy for that long. Tell him once papers are in place, and you have a court order in your hand signed by a judge. I used to do daycare in my home, and I once had a parent come and wave papers in front of me telling me he had legal custody of his kids and that he was there to get them. I knew something was wrong right away and it turned out that while he did have those legal papers and they were all filled out, they were missing that all important signature that made them legal. Be very careful with this and go with your gut feeling. Not what you feel in your heart because your heart probably still says he wouldn't do that.
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RE: My Husband - 11/1/2008 1:50:13 PM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 10186
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Cow country, Upstate NY
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I commend you on wanting to work things out with him if he gets his head screwed back on straight. I was once in a similar situation, and even though I wanted us to be together so badly it physically hurt, I would not let my husband take our son out of my sight without a court order. He was 15 months at the time and my husband was couch-hopping. My son also had asthma very badly and my husband and all of his friends smoked. Even when we went to court, the judge agreed with me and ordered that Brian come to see him at our home, which I had always been more than willing to do.
All that to say...I have been there and I know how hard it is to say 'no' when all you really want is to be a family like you had planned. But your baby is so tiny still and saying yes will not make him come home, but it may put her in danger or allow him some legal right that you don't want him to have at this time.
I'm glad you're talking to a lawyer. You don't have to be mean and nasty to protect your (you and your daughter's) rights, but they do need to be protected.
BTW, my husband did come home and later accepted Christ as his Savior. Miracles do happen! Don't give up and don't stop praying!
_____________________________
He fulfills the desires of those who fear Him;
He hears their cry and saves them.
The Lord watches over all who love him,
but all the wicked He will destroy.
~Psalm 145:19-20~
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RE: My Husband - 11/1/2008 5:23:28 PM
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manda59
Posts: 6162
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
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Bee
I read elsewhere that you are breastfeeding your baby - yet ANOTHER reason for her to stay with you and not be out of your sight.
_____________________________
"Manda is right"
mvic, January 2009
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RE: My Husband - 11/1/2008 5:42:40 PM
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BeeLuvsAva
Posts: 1237
Joined: 10/23/2008
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OH I do continue to pray for Him, everyday! It is hard to not let him have what he wants when I know it might make him come home, but in the long run he is the one that left not me, and I thank God for very recently showing me this.
I yearn for a family, a normal one, and it breaks my heart that maybe it might not be Gods plan for me and him, although I pray it is.
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RE: My Husband - 11/1/2008 7:33:08 PM
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daughter_of_faith
Posts: 1288
Joined: 1/10/2008
From: Great Plains, Kansas
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Then again God may have other plans as well, Bethany.
I agree with the other women to make sure your newborn baby is NOT out of your sight when your husband visits. Praying for you!
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RE: My Husband - 11/1/2008 7:46:15 PM
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BeeLuvsAva
Posts: 1237
Joined: 10/23/2008
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quote:
ORIGINAL: daughter_of_faith
Then again God may have other plans as well, Bethany.
I agree with the other women to make sure your newborn baby is NOT out of your sight when your husband visits. Praying for you!
Thank you very much!
I am trying very hard to put all my faith in God at the moment, I know that whatever he has planned for me and Ava it is in both of our best interest.
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RE: My Husband - 11/2/2008 5:32:07 AM
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Roberta_
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From: East Bay Area
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I'm glad you didn't let him take her.
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