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RE: Mrs Ed's blog - 4/23/2005 7:33:20 AM
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forgiven4ever
Posts: 301
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My name is Donna. I currently live in NJ. I am happily married to Ed (thus the name of my blog) and have two great kids and three wonderful stepkids. I have been a registered nurse for 20 years, and long to be employed as a teacher. I enjoy trivia, word games, music, reading and theatre.
Sounds pretty normal, eh?
Let me give some details. Ed is not my first husband. I was divorced and struggled for a number of years as a single mom. and then God sent Ed into my life. I met him through a Christian online dating service. We live about 3 hours apart from each other. We dated for about a year and a half; we knew very soon in our relationship that we were meant to be together, but had to be sure since we had both been previously divorced. We had intended to wait til THIS year to be married, as my oldest daughter wanted to finish high school here. But, last year, I lost my insurance, and Ed and I decided to get married on June 26, 2004. We agreed to continue living apart  until she graduated (this June).
God has given us SO many blessings since we married! I am truly convinced that I have the sweetest, most loving husband in the entire world! He is kind, and caring, and listens to me. More importantly, he seeks God first in everything. He is always challenging me to calm down (as I am easily worried/excited about things) and trust God.
One of the best things about this year is to have been witness to my daughter's attitude changing about Ed. At first, when I began dating him she was resistant. She had been hurt by people in my past relationships, and was dubious about my ability to choose the right man. She told me "if you marry him I will never even visit you because I won't ever speak to him." But, even as we were dating, she slowly began to thaw and be social with him. Now, she seems to genuinely like and respect him. She still doesn't like it when we show affection publically, even if all we do is give a quick "hello" kiss. But she has spent time talking to him and is very easy with him.
She has also developed a great relationship with his daughters, who are now her stepsisters. Christina chose a college that is in the town where Ed now lives, so we will all be moving there this July. (And it can't come quickly enough!) She was accepted there, and I am now learning to trust God about sending the tuition money for her. She likes one of her stepsisters so much; that she has decided she will probably share a house with her next year while she is in school!
My dear little boy, Kyi, is a bundle of energy. He has ADHD and often tries my endurance. He obsesses about superheroes and video games. Typical boy. He is helping me learn patience.
I go to a great church (now) and am not looking forward to leaving it. But the church my husband attends seems nice, and I know God will have something for me to do there.
The job I accepted is that of the night shift charge nurse of a rehab unit of a hospital. I wanted to teach, so much, but the benefits, salary and potential of the hospital job made it an "offer I can't refuse". Ed has recently been sick with a balance disorder, for which they do not know the cause. I have to pick a job where the benefits and hospital care are the best, and that is it. I truly believe God has given me this job, and that He will find another way for me to be a teacher.
I think that is all for now. I will be back, another day, to fill in whatever details I can.
In the meantime, let me fill you in on the names of the people who I will talk about here.
Donna - that's me.
Ed - that's my beloved hubby
Christina - my daughter
Kyi - my grandson, who I am raising as my son
Ben - Ed's oldest son
Tina - Ed's middle daughter
Becky - Ed's youngest daughter
Shirley - Ed's next door neighbor/ adopted mom
Jennifer - my best friend
Ronnie - my boss
thanks again for reading my blog!
God bless you all
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RE: Mrs Ed's blog - 4/23/2005 4:55:25 PM
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forgiven4ever
Posts: 301
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I had wanted to go out to Pennsylvania, for the weekend, and spend some time with Ed. I feel so badly that he is sick, and that I can't be there to help him through it. It takes alot for me to do this: I have to cancel my ladies' Bible study, and get someone to take my Sunday school class. Plus I give up my relaxation and free time, in order to make the drive (3 hours each way). It is wonderful to be with Ed, but it is admittedly a big pain in the tuckus!
I was really looking forward to going, but Kyi woke up sick yesterday. He was so sick that I couldn't send him to school. He had a fever for most of the day, and we barely got him to keep some soda and toast down. I couldn't go. I even hoped I might go today, but he was still sick this morning.
Now, of course, he is well, (running around the house driving me nuts!) but the weekend is mostly gone. I will try again next weekend.
The thing is, I was surprised, (given how much I miss Ed) that I was (slightly) relieved when I decided not to go. I hate the drive, and I guess I immediately realized how much needs to be done here. I do love him, so it is hard to admit that I was somewhat relieved not to go. But Ed understood, and said he had often felt that way, when he was able to drive here. How he loved being with me, but dreaded the drive and the sacrifice it meant to his "normal" life.
Ed's illness is very frustrating for me. As a nurse, I want to be able to find the cause of his disorder and help him through it. I want the doctors to find a cause and give him whatever medicine or procedure will take it away. But, after 2 months of treatment and tests it is only worse, and he is increasingly frustrated both by the illness and by his inability to work or even take care of himself without help. And I want to be out there, doing those things... yet there is so much here that I need to do. I really just can't wait til I can move there (July 11 is moving day!)
I had been reading "the Power of the Praying Wife" (I got behind so I don't subscribe to the thread with the ladies here, anymore) and one thing that came out of it was praying to be the best wife I can be for Ed. It's funny, sometimes when I pray I get a preconceived notion of what God will do. When I prayed to be a better wife, I thought maybe God would work on my housework skills, or on my relationship/communication skills. But instead he is teaching me to trust in Him as our Provider and that God will be with Ed through his illness.
When I married Ed, I knew he had physical limitations. And I knew there was a possibility that he would get physically ill. I accepted that. As a nurse, it didn't scare me, because I fell in love with the way Ed is on the inside. But, as this illness takes its toll I see that there are ways to be ill that I never imagined... and I wasn't ready for that! God led us to a place that I could never have anticipated, so we are learning to trust Him and to ask Him to be our Provider and sustainer in every aspect of life.
It is a lesson we all have to learn, and sharing how I am learning it will make this blog interesting, if nothing else.
God bless you all!
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RE: Mrs Ed's blog - 4/24/2005 7:20:31 AM
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forgiven4ever
Posts: 301
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thanks so much, Martha. I have admired your attitude about your husband's illness since we "talked" on the former CW site. Yes, I am in for the long haul, "for better or for worse". Even on days when Ed is at his worst, I can still honestly say that I am blessed to have him as a husband. It will be difficult... far more difficult than I now know, since we aren't together. But I know the next few months while I wait to move are part of what will prepare me for the next phase of my life.
I appreciate your prayers... as I pray for you.
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RE: Mrs Ed's blog - 4/25/2005 6:45:46 AM
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forgiven4ever
Posts: 301
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This morning I want to share a bit about my Sunday school class and how pride can get in the way, even when we are trying to serve the Lord.
Although I work fulltime as a nurse, since 1994 I have been convinced that I am called by the Lord to be a teacher.
I have taught as a high school teacher; a teacher in an adult school. I love teaching adults and really long to teach when I am doing other sorts of jobs. So, when financial circumstances forced me to accept a non-teaching job I volunteered to teach a ladies' Bible study and to teach whatever Sunday school class was open.
It was the 5th and 6th graders. They are the Class Nobody Wanted. Last year, I found myself very challenged by them in the beginning. They don't pay attention. They take 15 minutes to find chapters in the Bible and then lose track of what it says. They are unmotivated and listless. Worse, one boy likes to make either dirty jokes or ethnic slurs through most of the class.
Last year, I actually enjoyed the class for about a month when we discussed the End Times. They actually got involved in that. But now they are back to goofing off and ignoring me. I know I only have to do this for 2 more months, as I am moving but it is still disheartening.
The last straw came this past Wednesday night at Bible study. At my church, we all eat dinner together and then split into age groups for Bible study. This past week was the final program for this year, and each class talked about what they did. On Wednesday nites, there is a different teacher for each age group; from the Sunday school teachers. When the class I teach on Sundays got up, I expected to see the same lackluster goofoffs.
Instead I saw a video of how this class had done a series on the fruits of the Spirit, and how, when they got to kindness, they decided that they wanted to do something for the Tsunami victims and actually planned and worked on a Blood Drive. This is a class who can't get through 15 minutes on Sunday morning without falling off their chairs with boredom. I don't know WHAT that other teacher is doing, but it made me feel like such a loser! She got them to not only learn something but to take actions based on their learning!
I asked the man who is the head of the Sunday school to find a sub for me yesterday because I thought: it is clear I am the wrong person for that class.
But maybe not. Maybe the Lord really does have me there for a reason, and I just need to find another subject, like the End Times, which will capture their attention for the last 2 months I am with them. I need prayer and patience and much wisdom. And to stop thinking this is all about ME. If God wants me to teach this Sunday school class, then I need to listen less to what I think is best and start listening to the Spirit for God's best.
It is a very humbling lesson, to be sure. I want to be as successful as that other teacher in getting results. I have never been really good with kids; I am a better teacher for adults. But, the Ladies Adult class has another teacher, and I had agreed to teach my "Sweathogs" (as I jokingly refer to them because they are as challenging as the kids on Welcome Back Kotter)
I ask for your prayers so I will know what God is asking me to do for these last few months with them.
God bless you all
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RE: Mrs Ed's blog - 4/25/2005 6:40:35 PM
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forgiven4ever
Posts: 301
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Hi all
a quick prayer request. Ed got even dizzier than usual today and, when trying to walk to the bathroom he just got so frustrated he called his doc and said he was so dizzy he was afraid to walk anymore.
So they put him in the hospital (the hospital where I will be working!) and are doing some tests to see if they can finally figure out what is wrong with him. Ed semi-joked with his doctor, "Look, Doc I've got 6 days left on my insurance. See if you can find out what's wrong with me and wrack up those tests on this insurance while I've still got it!"
I am somewhat relieved but oh, so frustrated that I couldn't hop in the car and go be with him. But, between getting Kyi to school and being there in the evenings to take care of him, it just wouldn't work. And to drag him out there; taking him out of school and make him sit in a hospital room all day.... well... I just can't go. BUT if he is still there this weekend, I am definitely going... my stepkids will take turns watching Kyi so I can visit with him.
So just say a prayer that God will be with him and help me not to be so frustrated because I can't be there. AND that the docs will find out what is WRONG with him and be able to help him somewhat.
God bless you all.
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RE: Mrs Ed's blog - 4/25/2005 7:59:22 PM
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forgiven4ever
Posts: 301
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I know what a pain (literally) that cellulitis can be. Just follow what the docs say and hopefully the antibiotics will get it fast and completely. I will be praying for you both.
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RE: Mrs Ed's blog - 4/26/2005 8:38:29 PM
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forgiven4ever
Posts: 301
Joined: 4/12/2005
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For all who are still praying:
Ed is still in the hospital. They did two tests today, and so far they only still have guesses as to what is wrong, and the only suggestions they have for treatment don't make any sense, plus they have major side effects.
So, Ed is pretty discouraged.
But, as usual, he is trusting the Lord and is praying they find exactly what is wrong, and they can find a way to fix it.
He jokes that he has my picture in a nurses uniform, on his hospital dresser and shows it to all the nurses he sees, and says, "this is my wife. She will be working with you in three months. Please look out for her and be nice to her." What a sweetie!
Today I got really upset with Christina. She has been suspended from work, because of her poor attendance. So, she hasn't got enough money to pay for her car insurance. Yet, she found a way to pay for jewelry and shoes for the Prom! "Oh, my dad helped..." Yikes! That made me MAD!
Oh well.... I DO want her to have a memorable senior Prom. I will make her pay me soon enough.
God bless you all. Please, pray for Ed.
_____________________________
I will bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth! Psalm 34:1
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RE: Mrs Ed's blog - 4/26/2005 10:03:26 PM
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forgiven4ever
Posts: 301
Joined: 4/12/2005
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One more thing about Christina's Prom and I guess this is a prayer request. I have usually allowed her to pick her own dates, all along, because most of the time she makes good decisions about guys. But she met this guy, from Canada, while she was at a game convention with a male friend. The guy, who is 2 years older than her, seems nice enough but I am concerned. Besides him living so far away (believe me; I am an authority on how much it STINKS to have the one you love far away!) he is not a believer. From what I have heard, he isn't really open to discussing that aspect of her life. They have much in common, and he seems like a very nice guy, but I guess I really do prefer that she date guys who are Christian.
If you have been following my blog, you will know I was concerned because, ever since she got her own car and her own way to get to places, she pretty much goes where she wants; whenever she wants to. So, she has been telling me "I will meet you at church" and then not making it to the services. I am so sad that this young woman, who has such a wonderful faith (we have had many discussions on the subject) is now doing the bare minimum in terms of spiritual development. And dating a non-believer can't help. And of course, since she is "that age" (almost 18) she feels like "this is my life and my choice. " True, but I guess I always hoped that by this age she would be more devoted to God.
Of course, I think of myself as a young adult. I didn't rebel at 18... it took me til 23. But when I went, I went BIG TIME. I did return to the Lord, and I know now that He was with me all along. SO maybe she will come back to Him someday, too... I can only pray and tell her the truth. If I can make a difference (by withholding something she asks for that won't hurt her physically) I will have to do that.
God bless you all
_____________________________
I will bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth! Psalm 34:1
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RE: Mrs Ed's blog - 4/28/2005 6:46:40 AM
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forgiven4ever
Posts: 301
Joined: 4/12/2005
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Hello all
Ed is still in the hospital and each day I get more upset because I can't be with him.  It just isn't possible; too many responsibilities here, but it just makes it clearer that I will be so relieved when I move out there.
They think they found the cause of the dizziness: bone spurs in the bones of his neck. These may be pressing on one of the nerves or arteries near his brain or his "dizziness center". They tried a medication yesterday but it made it worse, so now they are bringing him to physical therapy and they are trying to stretch his neck bones so that it will be relieved. He is not a candidate for surgery so this is the next best thing. We will see.
I am planning to go out there on Saturday, but I may go tomorrow after work. It depends on when they will send him home.
God has given me some much-needed financial help. I am getting my tax refund by this weekend; just in time to pay the deposit on our car insurance, which is sky high. (Another advantage to moving to Pennsylvania!) I also got the financial aid letter from Christina's school, and it is much better than what we had hoped, so I am very thankful.
I talked to Christina again about the boyfriend, and she seems to have her head on her shoulders and she does still seem to have a strong faith in God, yet not value it as much as I think she should. This really isn't my decision, though... she is almost 18 and as much as I wish she had more emphasis on God in her life, it is really not up to me to say.
She is asking to borrow money (pretty ironic, when I am broke) and wants to quit her job. She is even offering to watch her brother after school, in order to "pay me back" for the car insurance and whatever money I will lend her/pay for her upcoming expenses. This would not only be costly for me, it would really underscore her lack of motivation and action that concerns me lately. I see her as taking the path of least resistance in most things... which is not encouraging; when I see myself going into debt for her upcoming college expenses. I want to shout: "how can you think THIS is going to inspire me to give up the teaching job I wanted, so that I can make more money to put YOU through college; when your actions show me you don't have the self-discipline and motivation to get through a year in college?" 
But I won't say that, of course. She does deserve a chance.. she is smart and if she wants to, she can make it. It is just that she doesn't really push herself, and lately it is getting worse. I keep hoping it's "senioritis".
In other news, Kyi is driving me nuts by hiding his homework, telling me it's done so he can get permission to play or watch TV. Yesterday, after not finding the glue for a half hour, I told him he could watch TV when it was found and the homework was done. He told me a few minutes later it was done. Since the glue was sitting next to me, I wondered how? He told me he had given up and "pasted" his homework together, with sweat!  Ewwwww.... and what a devious thing to do! So I told him no TV; gave him the glue and made him redo it. I mean... ewwwwww!
God bless you all
_____________________________
I will bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth! Psalm 34:1
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RE: Mrs Ed's blog - 4/29/2005 6:45:44 AM
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forgiven4ever
Posts: 301
Joined: 4/12/2005
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Ed's still in the hospital, but I am going up there to see him. If I can get out of work by 4pm at the latest, I will go tonite. If I don't get out til later, then I will go tomorrow morning. I just need to be with him and reassure myself that he is still basically OK. I miss him. My weekend relaxation will be shot, but I don't care.
I had a talk with Christina and she has agreed to do her best and keep her job. I also expressed my concerns about her boyfriend. She did listen, and I have agreed to lend her the money she needs, for now.
I have to go because I need a headstart on packing for Pennsylvania!
God bless you all
_____________________________
I will bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth! Psalm 34:1
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RE: Mrs Ed's blog - 5/1/2005 9:04:26 PM
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forgiven4ever
Posts: 301
Joined: 4/12/2005
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I just got back from Pennsylvania. I cannot WAIT til I don't have to make this drive any longer! I am SO glad that I went, even though I had to leave him there in the hospital and go back to what is now my "daily grind".
I got there about 7pm Friday, and stayed til visiting hours were over at 8:30. The doctors still didn't (AND still don't!) know what is causing this severe dizziness; just that it increases whenever he moves his head in any direction. They have done "CAT" scans of every part of his body, but still can't figure it out. They tested his ears, his carotid arteries, and x-rayed his spine and neck. The only thing that they did find was worsening arthritis, and that the curvature of his spine (which he was born with) is also getting worse. But it doesn't really explain his illness, or give them any way to treat it.
Ed's insurance from his job officially ran out yesterday, but, with him in the hospital, the social service people are now hustling to get him set up on Medicaid. This wouldn't have been as easily accomplished if he had been home on his own, so maybe he was supposed to be there, in the hospital, where they could help him apply for it.
Friday evening passed too quickly. I drove to Ed's apartment, where my stepson Ben let me and Kyi in. We had just enough time to make up the couch for Kyi, and then off to sleep!
Visiting hours didn't start on Saturday til 1pm, so in the morning I cleaned out Ed's bedroom, and did three loads of his wash (so he will have clean clothes to come home to). I drove to a rooming house in his town; that I wanted to check out, for Christina. It looks OK... I will let her know about it. And, then, because I knew I would be leaving him for the rest of the afternoon, I gave Kyi a special treat and drove him to one of his favorite places: the Hershey's chocolate factory. (It is about 1/2 hour from where Ed lives) We had a great time, as always, on the chocolate ride and buying chocolate for everyone.
At 12:30 I packed up a lunch for Kyi and a sandwich for myself, and left Kyi with Shirley (who is kind of an adopted "mom" for Ed) and went to the hospital. I spent the afternoon sitting next to him, holding his hand, and just talking about what will happen this summer when we are finally together. I was so glad to be there.
At 6, I went back to Ed's house and took Kyi to dinner. He chose pancakes, which is typical, but then asked to eat my pickles. WITH PANCAKES! EWW!
After dinner, Kyi and Ben and I watched a video that I had brought with me.
This morning, Kyi and Ben and I went to church. I like Ed's church, though it will take a while til I feel as "at home" there as I do where I now go to church. I asked the pastor to pray for Ed, and also to go to the hospital to visit him.
We drove Ben back to Ed's apartment, and then picked up our suitcases, and headed to the hospital for a last few hours together. I did get a good chance to talk to Ben. He is somewhat shy, so I sometimes have a problem finding out what he is really feeling about something.
Since Ed's divorce (5 years before he met me) Ed and his son, Ben, have shared a place. Since Ben is mildly retarded, it was good for him to have his dad with him; and the relationship has proved a real help to Ed, as well. When Ed was sick, it was Ben who always came through with financial help, or as a driver. So, when Ed and I got married, we planned at first to get a place that was big enough to have a room for Ben to stay with us. But, he had said he wants to be on his own. However, as the time grows shorter, Ed has thought it was possible that he may not really be ready to move... or that he may not be able to afford his own place; yet be afraid to crowd us. And, while I admit that living in their present apartment WOULD be crowded, we could and would make it work. It would help us financially, and Ben and Kyi could develop a really close relationship.
I got a chance to discuss this with him today, and I wanted to reassure him that I would be fine with it; if he decides to stay with us. It will be crowded, but we will make it work. Anyway... Ben smartly said he would pray about it, and let God lead him. So will I!
I am sad to be home, and have Ed out there, in the hospital, without any clue as to what is wrong with him. But, I know the Lord is in control and I know He can use this to continue to work out His will for us as a couple.
God bless you all
_____________________________
I will bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth! Psalm 34:1
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RE: Mrs Ed's blog - 5/1/2005 11:35:26 PM
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forgiven4ever
Posts: 301
Joined: 4/12/2005
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I wanted to talk about one more thing, which I was thinking about during the drive home.
This past January, I began reading "The Power of the Praying Wife". I was really getting alot out of the prayers, and began praying daily that the Lord would develop me into the best wife I could be, for Ed.
I don't know what I was expecting, but the things that have been happening in my life have definitely been changing my perspective. And it hit me that, sometimes, when I ask God to control/change my circumstances, I do it while thinking that I know pretty much HOW He will choose to do it. It is as if I have an agenda, in mind, for God. Now, I don't remember what I expected God to do, in my life as regards our marriage (maybe make me more patient, or to learn to like the same types of TV shows that Ed does) but, instead, He is teaching me to accept a different reality.
I am learning to be content with the way that life actually is. I am learning that I do NOT get to define the way that God controls my life. (Now, that SHOULD be a "no-brainer", shouldn't it?) I have to laugh at myself; I find myself saying, "OK, God, I asked you to change me so that I could grow as a wife, but I didn't expect you would change me like THIS..."
Ah well, God does know best, and whatever tomorrow brings is part of His plan. When will I learn to stop freaking out and start "enjoying the ride"? (That is one thing I almost always admire about my hubby's attitude. He is always saying "whatever God has for me is allright," and he deals with it in a calm accepting way, most of the time.
God bless you all!
_____________________________
I will bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth! Psalm 34:1
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RE: Mrs Ed's blog - 5/2/2005 8:46:11 PM
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forgiven4ever
Posts: 301
Joined: 4/12/2005
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I knew that today would be a tough day, because I would be missing Ed. And it was, but again it was different than I expected. Lots of conflict at work, but I am especially challenged lately by some of the nurses on the evening shift who are being resistant to the tasks that we leave; for them to do. They seem to resent my authority... maybe because I am not there to enforce it. And I find myself looking at what they do with a resigned attitude: it is just NOT what I would expect a "good nurse" to do. And my boss, who is retiring after 30-plus years of nursing, is not much help, as she just wants her own last two months to go smoothly so she can retire in peace. Her message, when I try to get her to help me enforce the rules SHE has made is: just get them to do their job; that's YOUR job.
Sigh.
(two more months... two more months....    )
Ed's doctors are finally seeming to make some progress on finding what is wrong with him, and that is a cause for praise! (Because if they do find what is wrong, maybe they can FIX it!) He is in good spirits, because a different doctor is now in charge, and he hadn't liked the other one, much. I am praying that this breakthrough will signal a real hope for him... if he can go back to work, it will all be worth it, even if that does mean we have to find a babysitter some nights.
I miss Ed so much. It is just not the same without him. But I know that God has things for me to do, here in NJ before I can go there for good.
One day at a time.
By the way, Christina's visit with her Canadian boyfriend apparantly went well, and she did go to school without protest today.
On the other hand, I had to pay for my first car insurance payment today... THAT couldn't have been much worse, and Christina just informed me that she was encouraged to quit her job, by her boss. Her attendance record was pretty bad, and so she just took the path of least resistance, and quit.
Sigh... she doesn't seem really sad about "quitting, but where am I going to get the money for her car insurance and whatever else she will need, for end-of-the-year expenses? I thought things were pretty grim before this (financially) and I know God is in control, but what in the world is the right thing to do, here?
God bless you all!
< Message edited by forgiven4ever -- 5/2/2005 8:48:50 PM >
_____________________________
I will bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth! Psalm 34:1
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RE: Mrs Ed's blog - 5/4/2005 9:27:45 PM
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forgiven4ever
Posts: 301
Joined: 4/12/2005
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Ed is still in the hospital. He had a test called an EMG today. This tests the nerve conduction; through the muscles of his neck, arm and shoulder. They didn't tell him the results yet, but the nurse said that it definitely showed some abnormalities. I am again hoping that this will bring us some results. But I do know that God is in control. I just talked to him on the phone, and he was in very good spirits. He was getting a new roommate, and was looking forward to chatting with him.
Sigh... I miss him so. I wish I were his roommate!
Christina and I talked for a little while, tonight, but I can't yet have the full discussion that I want to have, with her. I want to try to explain why I am so upset: how can I expect that she will be able to hold down a job, and fulfill her part of next year's financial responsibility if she can't do it, now?
I want her to have her chance, but she has GOT to show me more self-motivation. Now, she just asked me for money to style her hair for the Prom. I said no; she needed to do her hair herself or find a way to earn some money. So, of course, she called her daddy and he agreed to pay for it. One day, he may get fed up.. and THEN she might learn to stand on her own two feet.
For now, we are taking it a day at a time
God bless you all
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I will bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth! Psalm 34:1
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RE: Mrs Ed's blog - 5/5/2005 4:41:25 PM
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forgiven4ever
Posts: 301
Joined: 4/12/2005
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Last night, at 11:30pm, just as I was drifting off to sleep I got a frantic phone call from work that the night shift nurse hadn't shown up. Part of my job is to cover when there is a callout that can't be covered, and they were stuck with no nurse. So I had to go in. What a bummer! I was SO sleepy... I had just taken my allergy pill (which makes me even sleepier) and was so tired... and then I had to work.
One of the men is very restless and was up and down from his bed all night. We were in and out of his room every 5 minutes; plus a lady who had just had a hip replacement was moaning in pain because her pain meds just aren't strong enough, yet her doc feels she can't tolerate any stronger meds.
What a crummy night! I went home, feeling awful because my being gone leaves the day shift short, and Thursdays are my busiest days. But I was exhausted. I got a few hours' sleep and then went to the post office to mail my Mom a present for Mom's day.
I got to talk to Christina, who is still home sick (?) from school. It is really hard to tell if she is sick or upset over something, but I am worried about her attendance (as I always am) We got to talk some more and I think she is seeing why I am upset, but not feeling able/willing to do anything about it. She will be getting a job at the camp in June, but in the meantime will hope for a babysitting job or two.
Ed's still in the hospital. They are pretty sure his problem is a pinched nerve, and are trying to figure out what is best to do. They have to do another test, but may send him home and do it on an outpatient basis. I miss him, but I know our next visit is coming soon.
I spent most of my income tax refund on bills. It felt good to pay them but WOW the money went quick! I did decide to buy myself some new scrubs so I can start my new job in "style". I think I deserve it! And I promised Kyi we would have an outing on Sunday, to one of our favorite places: New Hope, Pennsylvania. More about that in my next blog post
God bless you all
_____________________________
I will bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth! Psalm 34:1
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RE: Mrs Ed's blog - 5/5/2005 5:48:20 PM
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forgiven4ever
Posts: 301
Joined: 4/12/2005
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Just a quick post to let you all know that Ed is being sent home from the hospital tonite! He may even be able to work, part time, as long as he continues to go to physical therapy and goes ahead with some of the tests as an outpatient.
I am so grateful that they finally know what is wrong and that he is feeling somewhat better. Woohoo!
_____________________________
I will bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth! Psalm 34:1
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RE: Mrs Ed's blog - 5/7/2005 7:00:07 AM
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forgiven4ever
Posts: 301
Joined: 4/12/2005
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Well, my financial situation just went from bad to worse. I had been upset with Christina because of the money for the car insurance, and because she quit her job and now has no way to pay for it. But that was until we got our phone bill.
Her boyfriend lives in Canada. She called him. ALOT.
She now owes me $830 and has virtually NO income until late June. Getting a job (even if she weren't too depressed (or whatever) to keep one; which results in her calling out sick a few days a week and would probably result in her getting fired) for just a month is probably not possible, and all the babysitting jobs in this area (except for working for me, and I now require that she watch Kyi for free) are taken by eager 14 year olds.
I am going to call them and try to make a payment arrangement. But, in the meantime, she is no longer allowed to use my phone for anything except emergencies. I can't take her cell phone away because her dad pays for the phone - and for her cell phone bill. (She racked up $300 in phone bills on that one, calling "French Fry: (that's what I call her bf)
She is crying because she "HAS" to talk to him; that I don't "understand". I told her "then figure out a way to activate your old cell phone" (which has prepaid minutes) and use that. I can't do much about this but I can ban her phone use from now on.
She has no clue about financial reality and it is getting worse by the day. Now, she is talking about how, instead of being a doctor, she wants to go to college and get a degree in English, and write books at home so she can be a stay-at-home mom. This is a great dream and more power to her if it works out, but I think she is delusional. Where is the girl who, for the past 6 years, has wanted nothing more than to work in cancer research ?(so she can help people like her late sister)
Heh. Maybe she WOULD be a good fiction writer.
I told her that she must now give me every part of her future paychecks; exceot for 10% for the church and 10% for gas money. Food and daily expenses can be charged to her student account (which I will be paying with the money from those paychecks). As for her dictating the type of place where she lives ("I want my OWN place; not to rent a room with Becky") we will see about that; AFTER she pays me that $830 and any future expenses for car insurance and phone bills.
Please pray for me, and for us. I know she didn't do this on purpose. She didn't know how costly it would be. But now she has to do SOMETHING to make it right... even though the initial cost will be borne by me (as usual). I feel too stunned to be angry, although I was pretty angry last night.
God bless you all
PS - Ed is fine and very optimistic. He actually hopes to go back to work next week... he is going to the doc on Monday and he is hoping for a pass back to work. I told him that would be great, but not to put too big a strain on himself.
_____________________________
I will bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth! Psalm 34:1
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RE: Mrs Ed's blog - 5/8/2005 6:22:37 AM
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forgiven4ever
Posts: 301
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline
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Things are the same. Today we will go to church, and I am praying for peace in the house. THAT is my Mother's Day present.
Mother's Day is a difficult day for me, because I remember my daughter, Larisa who died in 1999 (she is Kyi's real mom). So what we do is to go to a town called New Hope, Pa. Larisa loved that town. It was her "birthday treat" each year, to go there and we got into the habit of going to certain stores and of eating at a certain pizza place and of taking a horsedrawn carriage ride. SO... every year, either on the anniversary of her "Going Home to Heaven Day" or on Mother's Day, we go there. We visit her favorite stores, and we eat at the pizza place and we ride on a carriage. That is what Kyi and I will do, today. Christina usually comes with us, but it is her last day of work and she recently went there by herself. It is fun to go, but it always brings a tear to our eyes.
The financial situation is the same. I will call the phone company tomorrow and try to make a payment arrangement. I told Christina yesterday that I would LIKE to give her the kind of living arrangement that she wants; next year, but that I am not willing/able to go above a certain amount for rent. So... if I cannot find anything by the end of the summer, I will ask that she stay with her stepsister. I don't want to make her do anything that is uncomfortable for her (like asking her to live with us - which is impossible anyway because we will be crowded enough!) BUT our financial realities must be considered, and she needs to be aware of that. She said she understands. WOW- a discussion about money, without an argument! Woohoo!
She is beginning, today, to clean the house because "French Fry" (her boyfriend) is coming to visit this coming weekend. He is coming to take her to the Prom. I am happy for her, but still upset over the money aspect... but... I am going to try to keep the peace. Her grandmother is paying for her hair and nails. The dress is already paid for. I do want pictures, so I guess I will pay for them. I will bet she looks great!
Ed is doing well, but rested yesterday, since he "overdid it" on Friday when he got out of the hospital. I am looking forward to our next visit - in JUST TWO WEEKS! Wooohoo!
_____________________________
I will bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth! Psalm 34:1
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RE: Mrs Ed's blog - 5/8/2005 5:21:08 PM
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forgiven4ever
Posts: 301
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline
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The trip today went well, and I was glad I went to church, even though it was a difficult sermon because it talked about how wonderful our moms are. My own mom is in a nursing home, in North Carolina, and doesn't remember us very well, so it will be hard for me to call her. I am praying to be willing to call her. But on this Mom's day I remember my dear Larisa, who I love and miss so much..... and seeing her favorite places today, in New Hope was both bitter and sweet.
I brought home Christina's favorite treat, from New Hope: chocolate covered strawberries. They were Larisa's favorite, and she introduced them to Christina, so now they are her favorite. My figure is thankful that I do not like them.
For those of you who haven't been there, it is a cute little town, on the banks of a canal. There is one long main street full of quirky shops. They have candle shops, and knicknacks and antiques, and many types of food. One of the places has homemade ice cream, and they have very unusual flavors. The flavors have names of countries in them, like Puerto Rican Banana, Jamaican Rum, Ukrainian Rose Petal, African Violet or Caribbean Tree Bark (yes, those ARE really the flavor names.) But, in recent years the flavors have gotten more conventional. So, Kyi got cookies n cream and I got no-sugar-added butter pecan. (I can eat about a half of a kiddie portion without getting sick.)
I'm glad I went. It was a good, relaxing day and I needed that. While Kyi took forever picking at his two pieces of pepperoni pizza, I walked in the beautiful sunshine and watched the other people. I love the mix of people in that town: the arty types that belong there, and the obvious tourists who stand in line for a brief barge trip down the muddy canal. I love the outdoor food stands, and the unusual things you find in the shops. I have been going there, now, for about 35 years, and I guess I will always return there, because it is a place where I find joy and serenity.
Today I was thinking that I want to be done with stress and sorrow: that I want to turn my attitude into a more joyful way of viewing my difficult circumstances. I know that some things in my life are (and will always be) serious, and not to be taken lightly (my friends and family always call me "Miss Serious") but I want to stop seeing the negative side of things, as much as I can. I want to give God thanks for His many blessings instead of thinking about how much I miss Ed, or how much money I owe (with so little chance of recovering it) or how my dear daughter appears to be hellbent on throwing her future down the toilet. I just want to rejoice... and so I will! I am sitting here listening to a praise song, which is playing in my head, and asking God to please handle the things that were bringing me down.
Maybe tomorrow I will be bummed again, but for today I want to be joyful!!!  
God bless you all
_____________________________
I will bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth! Psalm 34:1
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RE: Mrs Ed's blog - 5/9/2005 6:11:28 AM
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forgiven4ever
Posts: 301
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline
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One of the other things that has been troubling me is my Sunday school class. I teach a very difficult group of kids who are in 5th and 6th grade. This is my third year, and the last with this group. I don't think I would be signing on for another year with them- even if I weren't moving. They just DON'T listen. When I first got them I was very upset and frustrated. They wiggled, ignored me, told stupid jokes and just got completely silly on most weeks. I felt lucky if even one point got across. Then, a lesson got through their armor and we spent about 10 good weeks discussing the End Times. Last year, even though I didn't feel like they were listening, I heard through the grapevine that they were asking their parents good questions, based on the Sunday school listens. I was content, because I thought that maybe I was doing something worthwhile | | |
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