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Attachment Parenting Support Thread - 10/3/2008 2:24:05 PM
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Mrs.Wifey
Posts: 5095
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From: The Gorgeous plains of Colorado
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Hello! I have been seeing a need for a place for us AP moms(and definitely dads) to talk and share about our parenting challenges and victories.
This is NOT a place to debate whether or not AP parents are right or wrong, whether they are going to raise bratty children, or any other derogatory comments.
These are the 8 principles of Attachment Parenting, taken from the API Website-
quote:
1) Prepare for Pregnancy, Birth, and Parenting
Become emotionally and physically prepared for pregnancy and birth. Research available options for healthcare providers and birthing environments, and become informed about routine newborn care. Continuously educate yourself about developmental stages of childhood, setting realistic expectations and remaining flexible.
quote:
2)Feed with Love and Respect
Breastfeeding is the optimal way to satisfy an infant's nutritional and emotional needs. "Bottle Nursing" adapts breastfeeding behaviors to bottle-feeding to help initiate a secure attachment. Follow the feeding cues for both infants and children, encouraging them to eat when they are hungry and stop when they are full. Offer healthy food choices and model healthy eating behavior.
quote:
3)Respond with Sensitivity
Build the foundation of trust and empathy beginning in infancy. Tune in to what your child is communicating to you, then respond consistently and appropriately. Babies cannot be expected to self-soothe, they need calm, loving, empathetic parents to help them learn to regulate their emotions. Respond sensitively to a child who is hurting or expressing strong emotion, and share in their joy.
quote:
4)Use Nurturing Touch
Touch meets a baby's needs for physical contact, affection, security, stimulation, and movement. Skin-to-skin contact is especially effective, such as during breastfeeding, bathing, or massage. Carrying or babywearing also meets this need while on the go. Hugs, snuggling, back rubs, massage, and physical play help meet this need in older children.
quote:
5)Engage in Nighttime Parenting
Babies and children have needs at night just as they do during the day; from hunger, loneliness, and fear, to feeling too hot or too cold. They rely on parents to soothe them and help them regulate their intense emotions. Sleep training techniques can have detrimental physiological and psychological effects. Safe co-sleeping has benefits to both babies and parents.
quote:
(AP parents are anti-CIO and also typically anti-controlled crying)
6)Provide Consistent and Loving Care
Babies and young children have an intense need for the physical presence of a consistent, loving, responsive caregiver: ideally a parent. If it becomes necessary, choose an alternate caregiver who has formed a bond with the child and who cares for him in a way that strengthens the attachment relationship. Keep schedules flexible, and minimize stress and fear during short separations.
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7)Practice Positive Discipline
Positive discipline helps a child develop a conscience guided by his own internal discipline and compassion for others. Discipline that is empathetic, loving, and respectful strengthens the connection between parent and child. Rather than reacting to behavior, discover the needs leading to the behavior. Communicate and craft solutions together while keeping everyone's dignity intact.
(Just a note about this one- I know that all AP parents differ on what is, and what is not acceptable for discipline. I don't mind talking about different methods but please remember that there is a one stop thread for spanking when you choose what to say.)
quote:
8)Strive for Balance in Personal and Family Life
It is easier to be emotionally responsive when you feel in balance. Create a support network, set realistic goals, put people before things, and don't be afraid to say "no". Recognize individual needs within the family and meet them to the greatest extent possible without compromising your physical and emotional health. Be creative, have fun with parenting, and take time to care for yourself.
Have at it, folks!
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RE: Attachment Parenting Support Thread - 10/3/2008 2:40:03 PM
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Mrs.Wifey
Posts: 5095
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: The Gorgeous plains of Colorado
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It won't lock you out here, Maggie.
We go back and forth on spanking, our big thing is doing what works for each child and not having set expectations that one form of discipline must work for everyone.
Last night Micah and I got to talking about different parenting styles. I have sometimes wondered if my siblings and I are benefiting more from my parents AP style(before it was even popular) then we realize, or my parents even realize. I come by AP methods rather naturally, because that is how I was raised but they aren't so natural for Micah. His mom did do CIO, and even left them to CIO at 3 months old when she was "done" nursing them at night. The way our siblings relationships are(and our own) with our parents is also very different. Anyway, it is something interesting to ponder.
Oh, and if ya'll have any good AP link, send them to me and I will put them in the OP!
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RE: Attachment Parenting Support Thread - 10/3/2008 3:40:27 PM
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Mrs.Wifey
Posts: 5095
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: The Gorgeous plains of Colorado
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quote:
Because of that I consider Attachment Parenting to be 'intuitive parenting' or 'practical parenting.'
DH also calls it "intuitive parenting".
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RE: Attachment Parenting Support Thread - 10/3/2008 4:37:16 PM
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OneOfHisJewels
Posts: 2532
Joined: 8/9/2007
From: California
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Ryanne, I'm not going to put your whole OP in quote, but it sounds good to me. It sounds like what a lot of parents just naturally did before people like the Ezzos came along...and if you leave out the pregnancy/nursing/overnight part of it (and also the skin to skin thing..gotta be a little careful about that when it's not your own kid), it's all basically how they tell you to treat children in Early Childhood Education (a big challenge when you have one teacher to twelve toddlers  ).
Sometimes, some parents do have to end up letting a kid CIO at times when it is not even their philosophy. My mom said when I was a baby, that at nighttime, I liked to have a fussy time...she tried and tried to console me and rock me and everything..she finally realized that I just wanted to be put down in my crib and left alone for a while at the end of the day..so she would put me down, I would fuss a little, and then go to sleep...but I guess that still goes along with what you're saying..that was still being intuitive to tthe child.
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"We basically use what I have seen referred to as "get off your butt" parenting. It employs more interaction, more redirection, more prevention, and usually less spanking."
-Mrs. Wifey
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RE: Attachment Parenting Support Thread - 10/3/2008 5:49:39 PM
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OneOfHisJewels
Posts: 2532
Joined: 8/9/2007
From: California
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quote:
ORIGINAL: peculiar_lady2
quote:
It sounds like what a lot of parents just naturally did before people like the Ezzos came along...
actually it didn't start with the Ezzo's... back in the 50's Dr Spock was pushing parents away from AP too
Oh, thanks for the info. I had heard of Dr. Spock, of course, but I had never really researched out what he had to say.
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"We basically use what I have seen referred to as "get off your butt" parenting. It employs more interaction, more redirection, more prevention, and usually less spanking."
-Mrs. Wifey
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RE: Attachment Parenting Support Thread - 10/3/2008 6:28:42 PM
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EmilyAnn
Posts: 1195
Joined: 12/18/2005
From: Thomasville, NC
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What is "Bottle Nursing?" I have never heard of that.
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Baby David is here!!
6-13-08
9 lbs. 8 oz.
20 3/4 in long
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RE: Attachment Parenting Support Thread - 10/3/2008 6:38:00 PM
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Mrs.Wifey
Posts: 5095
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: The Gorgeous plains of Colorado
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Bottle Nursing
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RE: Attachment Parenting Support Thread - 10/3/2008 7:40:05 PM
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EmilyAnn
Posts: 1195
Joined: 12/18/2005
From: Thomasville, NC
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so there are people who bottle feed and don't do that? the only thing on that list i don't do all the time is give him warm bottles. when we are in public he gets room temperature bottles.
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Baby David is here!!
6-13-08
9 lbs. 8 oz.
20 3/4 in long
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RE: Attachment Parenting Support Thread - 10/3/2008 10:26:27 PM
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lexie
Posts: 3056
Joined: 6/27/2005
From: Toronto
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Interesting.
I've never labelled my parenting style based on what others label them, because I've always felt that my parenting style is my own, as dictated by my daughter (I'm sure my style may change with the next child based on their needs) and as well my parenting style is combined with that of my husband's culture (we worked hard at finding a balance as we were both raised in very different ways.)
That being said, most of what was listed in the original post is along the lines of what we have done. For me though, it was all what came naturally to me in my role as a mother (I don't read parenting books or websites.)
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I want to be more than an ordinary servant.
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RE: Attachment Parenting Support Thread - 10/3/2008 11:12:05 PM
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isaacsmom
Posts: 1983
Joined: 12/2/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: lexie
Interesting.
I've never labelled my parenting style based on what others label them, because I've always felt that my parenting style is my own, as dictated by my daughter (I'm sure my style may change with the next child based on their needs) . . . . . .
For me though, it was all what came naturally to me in my role as a mother (I don't read parenting books or websites.)
Same here.
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<<< My littlest punkin'
*~*~*Rachel*~*~*
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Beware of posing as a profound person -- God became a baby. ~Oswald Chambers
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RE: Attachment Parenting Support Thread - 10/4/2008 1:31:02 AM
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Mrs.Wifey
Posts: 5095
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: The Gorgeous plains of Colorado
Status: offline
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I never would have labeled our parenting style either, but I have found that around where we live most of the mommy groups go one way or the other so it was a sort of necessary evil. I think that most AP goes beyond just what I posted in the OP to include(from what I have seen locally) whole foods eating, delayed vaccinations, lack of "commercial" characters, and many other crunchy things. It was hard for me to associate with other mothers when they didn't share similar beliefs, or when I was always having to explain why we choose what we do.
We do believe in some sort of sleep training, but we definitely don't believe in it at 6 months and surprisingly, neither do people like Ferber who are "experts" in the area of CIO/CC. We actually *gasp* have done sleep training with Gabby, but it did not involve ANY "needy" crying... only anger, lol. And yes, it was definitely anger since we are talking screeching and banging her head on the crib 
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It certainly has it's difficulties but so far our kids are turning out reasonably well.
my soldier! 
