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Are ministers held responsible when marriages fail? - 10/8/2008 2:12:30 PM
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stellaluna
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(I have no idea which folder to put this in...mods?)
I'm starting this because of some comments in the pregnant teenager thread, if anyone wants to go over and look at that.
It appears that some ministers/churches have pretty stringent rules for pre-marital counseling. Others have none or next to none. Some minsters will only marry couples they know are believers; others don't seem to care.
The bible tells us that teachers are held to a higher standard for the knowledge they impart to others, so my question is whether ministers bear any responsibility--scripturally--when a marriage fails?
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RE: Are ministers held responsible when marriages fail? - 10/8/2008 2:23:45 PM
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Memaw.
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quote:
my question is whether ministers bear any responsibility--scripturally--when a marriage fails?
That's a real good question.
I grew up being taught that they are, but to be honest, I don't know if it's scriptural or not.
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RE: Are ministers held responsible when marriages fail? - 10/8/2008 3:19:17 PM
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rcjames
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As for me, I feel a pesonal responsibility for those couples I marry. exact pointed Scriptural Chapter and Verse probable not.
I spend at least (absolute minimum) 40 hours of personal counselling with the couple; 10 hours each individually and 20 hours as a couple. If not convinced that their union is out of love and honored by God; I will do how ever much more is necessary.
As stated on the other thread I have turned dowm many more than I have married.
The main thing I look for is the "Reason" they wnat to get married, but more importantly the expectations they have of each other in the future.
Thanks
RC
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RE: Are ministers held responsible when marriages fail? - 10/8/2008 8:27:47 PM
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Dancre
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Well, Stella, I think we need to remember people make their own decisions despite what the pastor says. He can point to the right direction, but if they take another path, that's their decision. I would say, no the pastor doesn't bare responsibility.
quote:
ORIGINAL: stellaluna
(I have no idea which folder to put this in...mods?)
I'm starting this because of some comments in the pregnant teenager thread, if anyone wants to go over and look at that.
It appears that some ministers/churches have pretty stringent rules for pre-marital counseling. Others have none or next to none. Some minsters will only marry couples they know are believers; others don't seem to care.
The bible tells us that teachers are held to a higher standard for the knowledge they impart to others, so my question is whether ministers bear any responsibility--scripturally--when a marriage fails?
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RE: Are ministers held responsible when marriages fail? - 10/17/2008 10:03:57 PM
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filhodedeus
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I agree a pastor has the responsibility of due diligence, but that is between them and God.
As for them being responsible for a failed marriage...I think that is looking for a bit of a scapegoat for the problem. Pastors can only give sound biblical advice and godly wisdom. It is the choice of the couple to take it on board and make changes in their marriage.
It would be like blaming God for people going to hell. A solution is offered, but it's still a personal choice.
Be blessed.
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RE: Are ministers held responsible when marriages fail? - 10/17/2008 10:20:25 PM
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ffbruce
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I feel an enormous responsibility to do everything within my power to help a couple succeed in marriage. To that end, we go through extensive pre-marital counseling before I'll marry them. I've had people break off the engagement after they start pre-marital counseling.
On the other hand, I cannot force people to make their marriages work. I really wish I could, but I simply cannot. And I've had a few absolute heart-breakers over the years!
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RE: Are ministers held responsible when marriages fail? - 10/19/2008 12:30:45 AM
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stellaluna
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quote:
ORIGINAL: filhodedeus
As for them being responsible for a failed marriage...I think that is looking for a bit of a scapegoat for the problem. Pastors can only give sound biblical advice and godly wisdom. It is the choice of the couple to take it on board and make changes in their marriage.
I agree with what you said about due diligence. I don't want to blame a minister, I'm just wondering how much responsibility a minister bears when it comes to marrying to people. For example, the bible says not to be unequally yoked. If you knew one half of an engaged couple was Christian and the other definitely wasn't, would you marry them anyway?
If you require pre-marital counseling and it becomes clear that a couple has a lot of issues to work out before marriage, do you go ahead and marry them or tell them you won't?
etc.
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RE: Are ministers held responsible when marriages fail? - 10/20/2008 10:36:51 AM
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buckifn
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quote:
If you require pre-marital counseling and it becomes clear that a couple has a lot of issues to work out before marriage, do you go ahead and marry them or tell them you won't?
extend the time for counseling while working and praying for them to work through the issues...but if they cannot be resolved in a Christlike manner then NO I don't think it's wise to marry two people who can't have spiritual unity from day one.
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RE: Are ministers held responsible when marriages fail? - 10/20/2008 10:42:22 AM
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ffbruce
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quote:
ORIGINAL: stellaluna
If you require pre-marital counseling and it becomes clear that a couple has a lot of issues to work out before marriage, do you go ahead and marry them or tell them you won't?
etc.
I have STRONGLY advised couples, during pre-marital counseling, to either postpone their marriage or call it off completely.
But in the end, it is their choice and responsibility, not mine. I know that sounds like a cop-out, but it's what it really boils down to.
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RE: Are ministers held responsible when marriages fail? - 10/25/2008 5:22:31 AM
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Liveloved
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quote:
ORIGINAL: stellaluna
(I have no idea which folder to put this in...mods?)
I'm starting this because of some comments in the pregnant teenager thread, if anyone wants to go over and look at that.
It appears that some ministers/churches have pretty stringent rules for pre-marital counseling. Others have none or next to none. Some minsters will only marry couples they know are believers; others don't seem to care.
The bible tells us that teachers are held to a higher standard for the knowledge they impart to others, so my question is whether ministers bear any responsibility--scripturally--when a marriage fails?
I think anyone in the role of pastor should do all they can to encourage godly attitudes within marriage. I have watched as more than one pastor encouraged the break up of marriages. One pastor arranged the 'meeting' of a woman in a troubled marriage with a single man by seating them together at a church banquet. The woman ended her marriage and married the other man. Another pastor was 'counseling' a young wife, married to an older man. The pastor could not understand why she would be married to this older person (he spoke this horrifying statement to me). So what counsel did he give? The marriage ended in divorce. And now this same pastor is involved in another marriage/family breakup rather than working toward the healing of the marriage. I do not understand what these men have done but I do believe they are accountable to God for their actions.
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RE: Are ministers held responsible when marriages fail? - 10/25/2008 12:50:44 PM
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rcjames
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Are ministers held responsible when marriages fail?
No, but I am sure they will be held responsible by God for not doing their proper duty as Spiritual leader of the Church.
As I have said; I refuse to marry a lot more couples than I marry. When counselling there are things that come up that make a Godly marriage not what they are trying to do, and there are other things that come up that are recipes for disaesters.
I have had a lot of my folks get mad, had some leave the Church over my decision; but my responsibility is to God, not pleasing the folks.
Thanks
RC
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Just a country Preacher's humble opinion
Read the first chapter of my latest book here;
http://www.deliveranceofsara.com
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RE: Are ministers held responsible when marriages fail? - 10/26/2008 10:11:46 PM
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raspberry331
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No,Pastors are not responsible for failed marriages. You are responsible for you and you alone. A Pastor does his part and you do yours. How dare anyone point the finger at their pastor for their failed marriage.
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RE: Are ministers held responsible when marriages fail? - 10/26/2008 11:07:51 PM
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pstrdebi
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quote:
ORIGINAL: stellaluna
so my question is whether ministers bear any responsibility--scripturally--when a marriage fails?
No. The enemy does.
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RE: Are ministers held responsible when marriages fail? - 10/27/2008 8:17:31 AM
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DaveW
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Heb 13:17 Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they keep watch over your souls as those who will give an account. Let them do this with joy and not with grief, for this would be unprofitable for you.
Congregational leadership has to give an account to God for EVERYTHING that happens on their watch, good or bad. That would include failed marriages.
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RE: Are ministers held responsible when marriages fail? - 10/27/2008 10:22:09 PM
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bravjim
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They are accountable only in their areas of responsibility. They have the responsibility to give them a foundation for biblical marriage, but if the couple does not work off of that foundation it is not his responsibility, it is the couples.
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I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfilll the lust of the flesh.
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RE: Are ministers held responsible when marriages fail? - 10/27/2008 10:24:15 PM
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raspberry331
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My Pastor doesn't marry anyone who's not unequally yoked. He turned down my friend who married a Muslim. She did end up finding another Pastor who married her and thankfully some years later her husband got saved.
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RE: Are ministers held responsible when marriages fail? - 10/27/2008 10:33:08 PM
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bravjim
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That is awesome that he got saved years later. I would no doubt attribute it to her lifestyle and how she carried Christ in her heart. That is why I do not think it a pastor should be the judge of such things; if a person's faith is genuine, they may impact their potential spouse. However, it has worked both ways, so some discernment is required. Solomon is a perfect example of how it can go the other way as he had hundreds of wives who he built altars to foreign Gods for. There must be some kind of balance.
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I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfilll the lust of the flesh.
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RE: Are ministers held responsible when marriages fail? - 10/28/2008 1:20:27 PM
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raspberry331
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Jim,I don't discredit my Pastor for turning her down. I believe that it was his conviction that told him to tell her no. And like you said,who was to know if he would ever come to the Lord? I was even wary about it when she decided to marry him. A red flag went up in my mind. But Praise the Lord,he eventually gave his heart to Him. And that's what matters.
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RE: Are ministers held responsible when marriages fail? - 10/28/2008 4:38:50 PM
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GregandJenny
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quote:
That is awesome that he got saved years later. I would no doubt attribute it to her lifestyle and how she carried Christ in her heart. That is why I do not think it a pastor should be the judge of such things;
Pastor is not the Bible is. If the bible tells us to not be unequally yolked and a pastor goes ahead and married someone whom unequally yolked that Pastor is allowing the Christian to stumble on his watch. and if the girl converted to Muslim...
G
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